» Conversation Killers

What the...
So you're 'heading up' a meeting and you need to borrow a laptop off one of the attendees to be able to show everyone a website you've been working on. Now let's say the person whose laptop you borrowed has set google up to automatically display a list of the six most visited sites when they open their browser.

Imagine everyone's surprise when, on the 60-inch LCD display, the 15 or so attendees are suddenly presented with most visited sites including Gaydar and others around the same genre. Basically large penises everywhere.

Cue the silence and then the horror of then having to fumble around the thumbpad in an attempt to click a tiny little cross in a javascript popup window which appeared just above one of the large penises.

In an attempt to break the deafening silence someone speaks up. "GAYDAR???", at which point the aforementioned owner of the laptop lunges forward, grabs the computer and frantically announces "Yes, but not in work time". More silence and bemusement then follows.

Absolutely the weirdest meeting I've ever attended.
(Fri 13th May 2011, 12:15, More)

» Lies that got out of control

Lost in translation
My friend had very respectful people visiting him from abroad and I thought it would be a good idea for him to greet them in their native tongue.

He thought I was teaching him to say "It's a pleasure to meet you" but what I actually taught him was "You've got big tits". For some reason I was the only one who found the whole thing rather amusing.
(Fri 13th Aug 2010, 15:12, More)

» That's me on TV!

Supermarket Sweep
During my student days I was on Supermarket Sweep.

Got through to the final round where you have to find the two grand but got conned by the last question. Had to look for a 'trifle' but it turned out to be a box of Mr Kiplings Trifles which are not trifles they're bloody cakes so went looking in the wrong place grrrr.

Still, got the monetary equivalent of the contents of our trolley and £269 went a long way in those days.

In case you were wondering everything in the supermarket was real except for the frozen poultry.

Submitting to this QOTW feels kind of therapeutic.
(Mon 15th Jun 2009, 11:20, More)

» Winning

We have some exciting news about the lottery ticket you purchased...
So I started paying for my National Lottery ticket by direct debit because I couldn't be arsed purchasing one every week.

Whilst reading my personal emails a few minutes before another thrilling work meeting I received a rather exciting sounding email from the National Lottery advising me to log in and check my ticket. "Holy crap this is it" I thought, "they can stick the shitty meeting up their arse".

With precious seconds before the meeting started I finally remembered my password to the lottery website. When the results page finally loaded it only turned out I'd got all THREE numbers out of six and I won a poxy tenner!!!

I was absolutely mortified by the fact that work couldn't stick the meeting up their arse, and as I recall it was indeed a shitty meeting at that.

I've had a few emails like that one since then but I'm buggered if I'm going to get as excited as I did the first time I received the 'exciting news' about the lottery ticket I purchased. Wankers.
(Sun 1st May 2011, 13:13, More)

» Stupid Colleagues

Panic time
This QOTW is sending shivers down my spine. I simply *know* I'm going to end up reading something written about me.
(Thu 3rd Mar 2011, 16:49, More)