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- a member for 2 years, 6 months and 29 days
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- has posted 5 stories and 10 replies on question of the week
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» PE Lessons
WIN
I remember turning up to PE without my football boots once. Everyone knows this is a cardinal sin, for which the minimum punishement is 90 lashes with red hot pokers in every orifice. So you can imagine my trepidation as I decide to fess up, and sidle up to the PE office door whilst the changing room is a fever of shinpad donning activity.
“Scuse me sir”. Thank shite, it’s not the head of PE, it’s his less formiddable side kick, but still my heart races.
“Yeah what”.
“Er, I’ve forgotton my boots sir”. Visions of me sliding round a sodden January pitch in my socks enter my head.
“Oh. You’d better do trampolining with the girls then”.
SILENCE. The changing room stops dead and every hormone saturated fifteen year old lad in that room year freezes stock still and I feel their stunned gaze wander from the teacher to me, and then back to the teacher. I don’t think a single football got kicked that day.
(Tue 24th Nov 2009, 10:23, More)
WIN
I remember turning up to PE without my football boots once. Everyone knows this is a cardinal sin, for which the minimum punishement is 90 lashes with red hot pokers in every orifice. So you can imagine my trepidation as I decide to fess up, and sidle up to the PE office door whilst the changing room is a fever of shinpad donning activity.
“Scuse me sir”. Thank shite, it’s not the head of PE, it’s his less formiddable side kick, but still my heart races.
“Yeah what”.
“Er, I’ve forgotton my boots sir”. Visions of me sliding round a sodden January pitch in my socks enter my head.
“Oh. You’d better do trampolining with the girls then”.
SILENCE. The changing room stops dead and every hormone saturated fifteen year old lad in that room year freezes stock still and I feel their stunned gaze wander from the teacher to me, and then back to the teacher. I don’t think a single football got kicked that day.
(Tue 24th Nov 2009, 10:23, More)
» Asking people out
How do you get a fat bird into bed?
Piece of cake!
(Tue 15th Dec 2009, 9:31, More)
How do you get a fat bird into bed?
Piece of cake!
(Tue 15th Dec 2009, 9:31, More)
» Asking people out
I'm no Fred Flintstone
but I'll certainly make your bed rock
(Fri 11th Dec 2009, 13:57, More)
I'm no Fred Flintstone
but I'll certainly make your bed rock
(Fri 11th Dec 2009, 13:57, More)
» Public Sex
Raising the Royal Standard
I once shafted my ex girlfriend in the bushes in St James's Park, within sight of Buckingham Palace.
She was my ex at the time, and we'd met up as friends and spent the day wandering around and chatting. However, after a few drinks and few kisses the sexual tension just got a bit too much so we shuffled off to find the nearest bit of cover.
It was starting to get dark, so I carried her into the middle of the park, dumped her (again...) in the middle of this bush and we made some guilty but high spirited sweet sweet love. It was only afterwards, hurridly pulling on trousers and giggling that I noticed we were not alone.
A collection of weird people wearing anoracks in various states of disrepair were gathering in the dusk shadows around us. Backpacks and caps were also the order of the day. We had obviously crashed the party, whatever that might have been.
We didn't hang around to ask.
(Thu 23rd Apr 2009, 14:04, More)
Raising the Royal Standard
I once shafted my ex girlfriend in the bushes in St James's Park, within sight of Buckingham Palace.
She was my ex at the time, and we'd met up as friends and spent the day wandering around and chatting. However, after a few drinks and few kisses the sexual tension just got a bit too much so we shuffled off to find the nearest bit of cover.
It was starting to get dark, so I carried her into the middle of the park, dumped her (again...) in the middle of this bush and we made some guilty but high spirited sweet sweet love. It was only afterwards, hurridly pulling on trousers and giggling that I noticed we were not alone.
A collection of weird people wearing anoracks in various states of disrepair were gathering in the dusk shadows around us. Backpacks and caps were also the order of the day. We had obviously crashed the party, whatever that might have been.
We didn't hang around to ask.
(Thu 23rd Apr 2009, 14:04, More)
» I don't understand the attraction
Squirrels
are shit. Massively overrated. They are rats, and carry the same diseases. Just cos they've got a big fluffy tail doesn't make them any less vermin, but everone goes all soppy and wet. "Oooh! Look at cutsie Mr Squirrel! Ah, he's got a nut!"
I'll give 'em a nut.
(Thu 15th Oct 2009, 15:37, More)
Squirrels
are shit. Massively overrated. They are rats, and carry the same diseases. Just cos they've got a big fluffy tail doesn't make them any less vermin, but everone goes all soppy and wet. "Oooh! Look at cutsie Mr Squirrel! Ah, he's got a nut!"
I'll give 'em a nut.
(Thu 15th Oct 2009, 15:37, More)