» God

I was going to hell, now it's about religion!
my first pea....

Picture this, I grew up in a small Cornish Village at the heart of which was a Methodist church where I was forced to go to Sunday School. I was 11 and had long ago decided that the whole religion thing was not for me.

I think it was about 1983 and I had just began to develop an interest in Heavy Metal and Iron Maiden in particular.

It was just before Christmas and the church had decided that the older members of Sunday School would each read a passage of their choosing from the Bible at one of the services leading up to Christmas.

I chose a passage and duly practiced it for the few weeks preceeding the big day. However, on the day an 11 year old Vauxhall Burgundy approached the pulpit, placed a hand firmly on each side and fixed the congregation with a manic glare and proceeded to deliver the opening spoken lines from 'Number of the Beast'. (If you don't know what they are then this story may well pass you by!)

Nobody stopped me and when I had finished a sea of horrified faces stared at me. I stood back, took and bow and left - never went back to Sunday school, the Minister had a word with my parents and suggested that my attitude wasn't quite right!
(Thu 19th Mar 2009, 16:09, More)

» Shit Claims to Fame II


I know the lady who sang the Dangermouse theme tune, that is all,
(Fri 21st Sep 2012, 23:27, More)

» Accidental innuendo

Oooer missus....
The IT dept I worked in had just taken delivery of a consignment of new 19" CRT monitors.

When it came to the accounts department's turn to receive theirs and due to their upstairs location it was decided that instead of carrying them down to the other end of the building and up the main staircase that we would use the less-used back staircase.

Subsequently it was suggested that one of the guys from our team should take the Financial Controller's 19incher up the back passage. I think a whole nanosecond must have passed before everyone crack up laughing.
(Thu 12th Jun 2008, 13:15, More)

» I'm going to Hell...

Knew I was going there at an early age..
Picture this, I grew up in a small Cornish Village at the heart of which was a Methodist church where I was forced to go to Sunday School. I was 11 and had long ago decided that the whole religion thing was not for me.

I think it was about 1983 and I had just began to develop an interest in Heavy Metal and Iron Maiden in particular.

It was just before Christmas and the church had decided that the older members of Sunday School would each read a passage of their choosing from the Bible at one of the services leading up to Christmas.

I chose a passage and duly practiced it for the few weeks preceeding the big day. However, on the day an 11 year old Vauxhall Burgundy approached the pulpit, placed a hand firmly on each side and fixed the congregation with a manic glare and proceeded to deliver the opening spoken lines from 'Number of the Beast'.

Nobody stopped me and when I had finished a sea of horrified faces stared at me. I stood back, took and bow and left - never went back to Sunday school, the Minister had a word with my parents and suggested that my attitude wasn't quite right!

So not only am I going straight to Hell but I also got expelled from Sunday School!
(Wed 17th Dec 2008, 13:37, More)

» Stuff I've found

The Mason's Apron
oooh - sounds like a double entendre or maybe a Viz annual doesn't it?

It's not though, I saw a briefcase in a hedge once, after retieveing it I found it contained a Mason's sash/apron thing and a lot of documents that went through the whole 'induction' process of a new Mason.

I had a good read and phoned a number that was in there. Don't know if it was the Mason in question who turned up to collect it or one of his little wizards but he gave me a crisp £20.00 note for my troubles - w00t!

Always wanted to try the handshake one day but never got the courage up. If I did it wrong they'd know and come for me in the night or something!
(Mon 10th Nov 2008, 22:51, More)