» Blood

Another Austrian experience
Happened to a friend of mine. He was coaching a couple of kids in a snowboard camp, when some pissed teens decided to go on a make-shift sledride with these basic fold-in garden benches turned upside down. (Think Octoberfest). Well, they all sat in a row with a girl in front. The lever for the lock was pointing in eyesight of her private parts and due to a beer-garden bench's nature, there wasn't enough rocker to lift them over the first hump. The whole row of teens slid forward and pilot-girl got all the goodness of the hook straight through the biff.
Outch. Blood on snow is a lovely colour-combo, thou.
(Sun 10th Aug 2008, 11:32, More)

» Down on the Farm

rocking chair
My old man's mate had a small hobby farm/ bach and one day while strolling around a neighbouring farm he spotted a massive stone shaped like a sun lounger. He convinced himself this rock to be his new favourite bit of outdoor furniture and after a bit of haggling the farmer made the best deal of his live. The day came when the twat showed up with a dredger and started excavating bit by bit of his organic couch – only to find out that just 10% was shown on the surface. At some stage, already beyond the point of no return he dug himself deeper and deeper – this time to find out that about 90% of the village population were circling the site and wagering when he's about to explode...
Years later my dad is still trying to convince the farmer to claim rent for the bit of land his mate is blocking with his stone.
(Tue 29th May 2012, 13:08, More)

» Unemployed

they say
With every closed door another one opens.
A couple of years ago I've been working for a seasonal magazine. After the season (wintersports) was over they offered me to move either 600km north and work at their HQ or bugger off. What they didn't count on: I agreed to move on my costs and stick with them. Well, after one last issue and only 2 month in the new city the boss summoned me in his office. I was looking forward to that as I was expecting a rise, but got kicked out instead.
Well, I didn't know what to do and after some beer-fueled self pity in the pub, I went to the diary to grab some more booze as I found a news magazine in the shelf with the title:"The dream of leaving for good". I took a copy with me, read the articles and got very inspired...

One year later I've been sitting in the plane to New Zealand and have been here ever since. I found a job I love, surf on the weekends and I am the happiest chap you can imagine. No regrets!
(Sat 4th Apr 2009, 12:38, More)

» Hotel Splendido

something for all senses
I spent one night in a Backpacker in Kuala Lumpur, but figured out pretty quick it was a cross between a railwaystation's toilet and some kind of fundamentalists' meeting point. It was too late to look for another place so we tried to make the best out of it. Our shoebox-sized and - made off room was wedged between some permanent dwellers, and there was a 15cm gap on the ceiling , that allowed to literally participate on every single fart your neighbours were into.
Well, till late into night, neighbour left watched TV with cranked up volume, while neighbour right decided to have his mates over for some piss up. We tried hard to ignore it but at some stage I yelled to both of them to shut the f up, I'm here to get some rest. Left wing decided to be polite and switched off the TV, while the right wing send of his mates. I was slowly drifting away when right wing remembered his religious duties, decided to made up for his sins and commenced very loud prayers towards Mekka. 30 minutes later I'd explode again, banging on the walls and screaming for mercy. He stopped (thou I heard him wispher) and like in any good tennismatch it was left wings turn. This fella had a real problem with his sinuses and tried hard to clear them. At this stage I was begging for the night to be over, as I slowly recognised to never mess with the locals and they had probably the time of their live torturing the little bloke with their routine...
Did I mention, the room's only furniture were some steelframed beds and a tiny mirror while next to the urinal?

Length? Definitely the longest night of my live.
(Sat 19th Jan 2008, 23:46, More)

» Creepy!

Bull
My parents covered the doorbell (not the button, the actual bell) behind a dark red bull's head made of straw I think was an odd souvenir from Spain. Well, said bell was located in the upper right corner of the room close to the ceiling and its sound was a cross between a hoarse duck and a sheep in pure agony…
I can't count how often I was praying for visitors not using the bloody bell. Imagine a dead eyed, red bull head floating in a random corner in the room just waiting to scare the shit out of you with this awful shrieking sound. Aaaaawh, the memories…

Still trying to find the manifestation of all my childhood trauma amongst the random crap in the attic, but I probably burnt it long, long time ago.
(Fri 8th Apr 2011, 10:37, More)