Profile for Amish Information Systems:
NEWSFLASH: Sign my petition against worthless government certification for quack medicine.
Of course, my only FP has a broken image link, and it's too late to edit it now. Here's what it looks like anyway:
Here's another one I particularly like:
A Children's Classic, "The Gruffalo", Subtly Abridged
Recent front page messages:
Best answers to questions:
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- a member for 7 years, 1 month and 23 days
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NEWSFLASH: Sign my petition against worthless government certification for quack medicine.
...AMISH INFORMATION SYSTEMS.......DOES NOT USE
ANY TECHNOLOGY INVENTED AFTER 2004.............
........THIRTY SOMETHING.........REMEMBERS OLD-
STYLE TELETYPES FROM "WORLD OF SPORT"..........
...ALLOA 1 QUEEN OF THE SOUTH 0..........MARRIE
D......(SORRY LADIES).........WORKS WITH 3D GRA
PHICS.....HOPES TO FRONT PAGE AGAIN SOMEDAY...
Of course, my only FP has a broken image link, and it's too late to edit it now. Here's what it looks like anyway:
Here's another one I particularly like:
A Children's Classic, "The Gruffalo", Subtly Abridged
Recent front page messages:
Best answers to questions:
» Cheap Tat
A cheap coat
"It's not me it's you"'s post reminded me of a coat I had at school. It was about 1982, and I wanted a parka, the cool kind with the furry collar.
Well, I very nearly got one. Instead I got a coat which, while undoubtedly having a furry collar, seemed to be made of neoprene. Yes, the stuff you make wetsuits out of.
Now, I am not being ungrateful, because (a) the family were pretty skint at the time, (b) I don't think it was actually that cheap, and (c) this was in fact the most amazingly waterproof coat in the world and I never got wet or cold wearing it, no matter how hard the rain or how late the bus. Thanks, Dad!
But the reason it's in the "tat" QOTW was because of its amazing rubbery properties.
If you relaxed, the springiness of its rubberized fabric meant that your arms arose from your sides to about a 30 degree angle. You had to actually work to keep your arms by your sides. (Or put your hands in your pockets.)
The same property meant that it would stand up by itself. You could zip up the front, hold it by the hood, and place it gently on the floor, where it would stand, looking like an invisible Eskimo just after stepping in a seal hole.
When you're 12, this is endlessly amusing.
(Mon 7th Jan 2008, 22:56, More)
A cheap coat
"It's not me it's you"'s post reminded me of a coat I had at school. It was about 1982, and I wanted a parka, the cool kind with the furry collar.
Well, I very nearly got one. Instead I got a coat which, while undoubtedly having a furry collar, seemed to be made of neoprene. Yes, the stuff you make wetsuits out of.
Now, I am not being ungrateful, because (a) the family were pretty skint at the time, (b) I don't think it was actually that cheap, and (c) this was in fact the most amazingly waterproof coat in the world and I never got wet or cold wearing it, no matter how hard the rain or how late the bus. Thanks, Dad!
But the reason it's in the "tat" QOTW was because of its amazing rubbery properties.
If you relaxed, the springiness of its rubberized fabric meant that your arms arose from your sides to about a 30 degree angle. You had to actually work to keep your arms by your sides. (Or put your hands in your pockets.)
The same property meant that it would stand up by itself. You could zip up the front, hold it by the hood, and place it gently on the floor, where it would stand, looking like an invisible Eskimo just after stepping in a seal hole.
When you're 12, this is endlessly amusing.
(Mon 7th Jan 2008, 22:56, More)
» Stuff I've found
My most psychic moment
Was posting an answer to next week's QOTW.
(Thu 6th Nov 2008, 15:57, More)
My most psychic moment
Was posting an answer to next week's QOTW.
(Thu 6th Nov 2008, 15:57, More)
» School Days
Last one. Romance.
I was a bit geeky at school. (Gee, really?) My romantic entanglements tended to be quantum in nature - i.e. they happened at a distance and were undetectable to outside observers, especially the target of my affections.
I remember one time I had a crush on someone in the year above. After many months agonizing, I approached her and asked if she wanted a screw.
Now, I had a backup plan - when (not if) she said no, I would take a screw out of my pocket, say "Pity, it's a nice one" and beat a retreat.
She said yes.
Fzzzt. My entire prefrontal cortex fuses and I resort to plan B anyway, handing her the screw and beating a hasty retreat.
So, on the minuscule chance that Amanda is a B3tan, if it's any consolation, I've felt dumb about this for 20+ years. And now I'm airing it on B3ta, confirming the fact that I am irrepressably geeky.
(Sat 31st Jan 2009, 23:35, More)
Last one. Romance.
I was a bit geeky at school. (Gee, really?) My romantic entanglements tended to be quantum in nature - i.e. they happened at a distance and were undetectable to outside observers, especially the target of my affections.
I remember one time I had a crush on someone in the year above. After many months agonizing, I approached her and asked if she wanted a screw.
Now, I had a backup plan - when (not if) she said no, I would take a screw out of my pocket, say "Pity, it's a nice one" and beat a retreat.
She said yes.
Fzzzt. My entire prefrontal cortex fuses and I resort to plan B anyway, handing her the screw and beating a hasty retreat.
So, on the minuscule chance that Amanda is a B3tan, if it's any consolation, I've felt dumb about this for 20+ years. And now I'm airing it on B3ta, confirming the fact that I am irrepressably geeky.
(Sat 31st Jan 2009, 23:35, More)
» Pathological Liars
Winding up the younger pupils
One rainy day at school, 5th form I think, I was sitting indoors on my own and noticed a few first-form boys hanging around. Aha, a chance to mess with their heads.
I form two fists, and start striking my knuckles against each other in the manner of someone trying to start a fire with a flint. After a minute or two, one of them notices and says "What are you doing?"
"Trying to strike sparks off my knuckles."
"No, go on. Don't be daft. You can't do that!" Quite right, of course. But I'm the science spod and everyone knows it.
"Yes you can," I say, matter-of-factly. "Small flakes of skin are heated by friction and burn, but you've got to get the right conditions."
After a few more exchanges of plausible bullshit, I have a small circle of half-a-dozen younger boys sitting around striking their knuckles together for no reason.
And then, we hit gold. One of them starts backwards and explains: "I got one!"
I congratulated him and left, leaving them all enthused by this mythical success, and more eager than ever to waste this lunch break, and for all I know many others, learning the harsh lesson that the wages of gullibility is sore knuckles.
(Sun 2nd Dec 2007, 21:41, More)
Winding up the younger pupils
One rainy day at school, 5th form I think, I was sitting indoors on my own and noticed a few first-form boys hanging around. Aha, a chance to mess with their heads.
I form two fists, and start striking my knuckles against each other in the manner of someone trying to start a fire with a flint. After a minute or two, one of them notices and says "What are you doing?"
"Trying to strike sparks off my knuckles."
"No, go on. Don't be daft. You can't do that!" Quite right, of course. But I'm the science spod and everyone knows it.
"Yes you can," I say, matter-of-factly. "Small flakes of skin are heated by friction and burn, but you've got to get the right conditions."
After a few more exchanges of plausible bullshit, I have a small circle of half-a-dozen younger boys sitting around striking their knuckles together for no reason.
And then, we hit gold. One of them starts backwards and explains: "I got one!"
I congratulated him and left, leaving them all enthused by this mythical success, and more eager than ever to waste this lunch break, and for all I know many others, learning the harsh lesson that the wages of gullibility is sore knuckles.
(Sun 2nd Dec 2007, 21:41, More)
» Crazy Relatives
Mad uncle
One of my uncles has an invisible friend, and although he never really brings it up when he's at our house, I understand that he goes on about it constantly at work.
Mind you, he is a vicar.
(Fri 6th Jul 2007, 12:33, More)
Mad uncle
One of my uncles has an invisible friend, and although he never really brings it up when he's at our house, I understand that he goes on about it constantly at work.
Mind you, he is a vicar.
(Fri 6th Jul 2007, 12:33, More)