» Evil Pranks

Never shave the hair off my barbie.
A couple of years ago I was living with my brother in his flat. During a particularly lively house party my brother took it upon himself to attempt to shave my head, a quick kick in the twig and giggleberries soon put pay to that idea. Sadly he decided to shave the hair off my barbie. This was an outright declaration of war.

A few weeks later and I'm still waiting for my opportunity to get my own back. The chance presented itself late on a Saturday night. I had left early after a few too many falling over waters. I find out on the grapevine that my brother is on the way home with a young lady whom he has met in of Newcastle's finer hostelries. My plan was hatched.

As he stumbles in with his soon to be conquered companion, I start to scream at her and him, along the lines of

"I cant believe you would do this again to me"

Girl looks across at me and so I start screaming at her about I cant believe my husband would do this to me for the fourth time. She starts looking sheepish and wondering where the exits are, my brother in his somewhat addled state is now truly confused. Just to complete the scene I frisbee'd a plate with the kind of accuracy that Geoff Capes would have been happy with. As the plate smashes into a thousand pieces, my brothers companion looks about ready to risk the four storey drop rather than try and get passed me to the exit. It was at this point I felt I had had my fun, and promptly wandered over to her introduced myself as his sister and told her not to make too much noise.

Length ? He shaved my Barbie, he deserved it.
(Mon 17th Dec 2007, 19:08, More)

» Cheap Tat

The poundland guide to getting your mate pregnant.
Not me but a friend let call her amy!
Well she wanted some condoms for the local chemist and wouldnt buy them herself because she's a big jessie so I got talked into it.

Me being a tight arsed student (tighter than a camels ass in a sandstorm !) as my next door neighbour says. Well i wouldnt pay the £3.50 price tag in the local chemist so set about sourcing some cheaper johnnies.

So while wondering round our local cheep tat shop noticed packs of condoms on sale. Bingo! So brought them and told amy she owed me 3.50 for the pack.

Two days later she comes into my flat and announces that not one, not two, but all three of the johnnies had split and now she needed a pregnancy test and would I buy it for her. Did I learn my lesson, did I fuck. Poundland pregnancy tests should do it. First one negative, second one negative, still no period, Doctors test.....positive. Oh fuck.

length around 9 months n a baby boy!
(Fri 4th Jan 2008, 21:26, More)

» Accidental innuendo

My G String
A couple of years ago when I was in my final year of school, I was practicing for my GSCE proformance, when the string on my violin snapped.
Me being the young innocent minded student in a stupidly short skirt and fitted shirt decided to to run into the next door 6th form music cass, with alot of men in it, screamin
'Miss! Miss! have you got a spare G string! I've snapped mine!"

Needless to say the whole class found it very funny including my teacher, I didnt live that down for a while.
(Sat 14th Jun 2008, 21:54, More)

» Phobias

My Boobs
Im terrified of my own boobs!
If you know me you have seen the size of them!
Seriously i look down and they scare the living crap out of me!
Plus they give me black eyes when i try and run and knock me out
But their great floatation devices!
(Fri 11th Apr 2008, 1:34, More)

» My most treasured possession

My ............................................
30F snuggle sacks are my most treasured possession that and my 4th vibrator.
Its a very long story involving burning out the motor on my other 3.
(Fri 9th May 2008, 21:06, More)