» Accidental innuendo

the security department loved me
I was working at a Best Buy a few years ago and managed to set off the entire Loss Prevention department with one accidental statement. Me: female, 18 years old, big boobs, long red hair, tight blue Best Buy polo. Loss Prevention dept: entirely male, entirely aged 20 to 24 and single, all my good friends with a lot of flirtation on the side.

I walked up to the security station, into the middle of a department-wide conversation regarding gum vs. candy. My horrified brain saw it coming but couldn't put on the brakes fast enough as my mouth proudly proclaims, "I don't see the point of putting anything in my mouth if I can't swallow it."

Oooooooh yeah, the LP guys loved me. >.<
(Thu 12th Jun 2008, 19:02, More)

» Teenage Crushes - Part Two

The very first love of my life
was Spock. Oh Spock, with that brilliant mind and hard exterior, I knew I'd be the one woman who could make him truly, truly feel, and that while everyone else would only ever see the cold intelligence, once we were alone in his quarters he'd proclaim his undying and passionate love.

On a side note, it's a little difficult to masturbate with a poster of Kirk, Spock, and Doc McCoy staring down at you.
(Maybe it's a girl thing.)
(Sat 7th Nov 2009, 16:57, More)

» I don't understand the attraction

I hate bowling.
Despise it. Would rather babysit a family of skunks than go bowling. In fact, skunks would provide me with a lot more entertainment. I think they'd behave like a cross between a cat and a rabbit. I'd love to have a skunk. I'd make friends with it, feed it carrots, and we'd sit and watch Bones together, cause any skunk of mine is going to be crazy about David Boreanaz.
Who is also, btw, WAY cooler than bowling.

fucking bowling.
(Fri 16th Oct 2009, 0:56, More)

» Stuff I've found

Ah, more porn, found and left to be found
My brother and I would occasionally go dumpster-diving in back of the shopping center across the street; there was a bookstore in the shopping center and I think everyone knows of that lovely bookstore tradition of ripping the covers off of books and tossing them out.

One day while in search of more free reads, we found that the store had also tossed out a bunch of magazines--including the ever popular porn. What a find! Even better--we then spent the next 2 hours rampaging through the neighborhood behind the shopping center, ripping out naughty pictures and placing them where other people would find them. I'm sure many a businessman was happy upon going to his car at 6am and finding porn plastered to his windshield. I'm sure many a housewife was confused upon going to her mailbox at 4pm and finding porn slipped in between the envelopes.
(Thu 6th Nov 2008, 16:23, More)

» Pointless Experiments

how many licks?
remember the commercial with the line drawing of the quite-unfortunately drawn little kid who asks first the turtle and then the owl how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie-roll center of a tootsie pop? when i was about 11 i decided it was about time to find out for sure, cause that poor kid got totally screwed over by the owl. after about a minute of licking i started just holding out my tongue and running the lollipop down the length of my tongue, figuring (and quite rightly) that it still counted as a sort of reverse-lick.

conclusion #1: 1341 licks in one spot to dissolve the candy coating enough to where the tootsie-roll center has been breached.

conclusion #2: if you guys would just use your fingers while going down on us gals your tongues won't get tired so quickly.
(Sun 27th Jul 2008, 16:39, More)