» Hotel Splendido

Madchester
A long long time ago in a city far far away (manchester) I was visiting my sister who was at uni there. Me and my mum are staying in this B&B .

Shoddy little place, your typical crappy floral wall paper, flaking gold paint, badly fitted radiators for the obligatory extension to cram the most possible rooms into the space between the fork in the road etc. But then it's a B&B in Manchester, what do you expect?

What really took the biscuit was at breakfast. We get there and are asked what we want, eggs, bacon, sausage etc. My mum asks for a poached egg. The landlords face goes completly blank. Err alright then, scrambled egg. Blank. Apparently he'd never heard of the words 'scrambled' and 'egg' together in the same sentance.

At this point my mum, bless her cotton socks, proceeds to explain to him how to make scrambled egg, and to his credit he listens and takes notes.

So now some other customers walk in so he goes over and asks for their orders.

"Would you like some eggs? We can do fried or scrambled..."
(Tue 22nd Jan 2008, 13:18, More)

» Impulse buys

Computer Stuff
This story isn't about me, but a friend.

I have a friend who isn't exactly stupid, but does lack a common sense gland, or whatever it is that stops people from doing really mind-numbingly retarded things when they're actually quite smart people.

He is obsessed with electronics, especially computers and music equipment, to the point where he can't afford food but will still shell out £500 on speakers that are far too big for his small student room, and then wonder why everyone else seems to have more money than him.

This particular story, however, comes from when he was building himself a computer, a task that never seems to end due to his inabillity to stop the thing crashing on him. So anyway, he was looking for a particular processor (don't ask me which, I have very limited knowledge on computer hardware) and found it being sold for a reasonible price on ebay. He payed his money and the damn thing never arrived!

The story doesn't end there though, he then proceeded to try and buy it again. Unfortunately for him he bought it from THE SAME PERSON. Needless to say the next one didn't turn up either.

Not quite an impulse buy, but certainly a shopping calamity.
(Wed 27th May 2009, 23:31, More)

» Bastard Colleagues

Bullet Points
Now technically this isn't someone I worked with, but it was the first time I realised that just because someone wears a suit doesn't mean they're not a complete spaktard.

This story takes place a good 6 years ago, maybe that makes a difference, maybe not.

Anyhoo a young, bright eyed, bushy tailed, Jezziah is going up to visit some cousins, so gets the train to Leeds where his uncle will pick him up. Unfortunately due to the times his uncle isn't off work yet so Jezziah has to go and sit in his office while he finishes up.

Said uncle runs an IT headhunting firm (no idea what it's called so don't bother trying to work it out) and is in work that day to give some people a little extra training. In word.

I'm sitting there, not a word of a lie, he explains to a couple of morons who should really know better that to make bullet points you have to click on the format then bullet and numbering menu. (I use open office now, so don't blame me if this isn't the exact way it works, it is on my comp)

It gets worse, trying to be helpful I pipe up "or you can just click on the bullet point icon" .... frosty silence ... uncle replies "which one is that?"

Oh dear, I'd just shown up my uncle infront of his workers in his fancy IT job, whoops! In my defence it is sitting right infront of you and if you're in that business you should REALLY know how to use a word processor.
(Thu 24th Jan 2008, 12:31, More)

» I'm going to Hell...

Eternal Damnation
A friend of mine died of cancer. He had it for a couple of years, and I never once visited him in hospital.






Sorry if that wasn't as funny as the others but I deserve hell after that.
(Tue 16th Dec 2008, 1:01, More)

» Pet Peeves

People who refuse to be persuaded by reason
or accept that your greater knowledge of a subject means that your opinion counts for more.

These are the same people who will go "well that's just your opinion"

Yes it's my opinion, but I have spent the last 5 mins explaining why I've formulated that opinion based on logic and reason. All of your counter-arguments (usually very flimsy) have been shot down in flames. You've agreed that my reasoning is correct, you've sometimes even agreed with what I've said, you've offered nothing to counter that, so PLEASE accept that perhaps you should rethink YOUR opinion.

What you shouldn't do (unless you're trying to piss me off) is go "yeah well, that's just your opinion". Or worse "well i dunno, it's just what I believe", please rethink your assumptions.

This brings me onto the majority of Boris Johnson supporters that I've come across since the worst thing to happen to our fair capital since the Blitz.

I am happy to accept that there are Boris supporters out there who have well founded, rational, reasons for supporting him. I may not agree with you but at least you've put some effort in.

What bugs me is all you cretin's who support him blindly (made worse by the fact that I'm studying out of London so the majority aren't affected by it so don't even have a vague knowledge of what the mayor does, let alone the issues surrounding the election).

They're the ones who cheered when they heard he one and then refused to join me in a debate about the merits of him winning. If you care enough to cheer why don't you know the first thing about him? And just because he acts like a buffoon doesn't mean he's secretly a genius. Just because he says outragously offensive things, doesn't mean he's a crusader for the truth. What it usually comes down to is your daddy votes conservative and you've been too fucking lazy to create your own political views.

*Breathes deeply*

But then again, it's their opinion. Apparently that means it counts as much as mine despite a complete lack of knowledge of the area.

Length? Write a post about it being your pet peeve.
(Mon 5th May 2008, 9:22, More)