» Kids

hide and seek masterclass
Apparently when i was two, perhaps a bit younger, my dad was playing hide and seek with me. He came crawling round the corner on his hands and knees chasing me...and i twatted him over the head with a rolling pin. How he must have laughed. I have no idea how i managed to get my little mitts on a rolling pin that was kept in a high cupboard. I must have been an imaginative little f*cker. Dont suppose he credited me with imaginative part at the time in question. Its his fault for letting me watch Tom and Jerry.
(Sun 20th Apr 2008, 22:14, More)

» Pet Peeves

Hot and cold taps
Goes to wash hands. Uses cold tap. The water is freezing. Turns on hot tap instead. Water is also freezing. 30 seconds later water is warm...ahhh thats better. 2 seconds later water is boiling. Swears fluently. Runs hands under freezing cold tap. Tries to explain the injustice of it to everyone. No one gives a shit.
(Sun 4th May 2008, 18:33, More)

» Phobias

Spiders.. again
I know spiders is in every other post but i seem even be able to tell when the little buggers are near me without even seeing them. I try to have the i'll leave you alone if you leave me alone relationship but it doest work. Ill be laying there in the dark trying to get to sleep and all of sudden i get this feeling. The hairs on the back of my neck prick up, or whatever the hell it is, so ill turn on the light and yep theres an 8 legged little prick staring me in the face. Last time it happened one appeared on the wall above my bed. It clambered up my wall and proceded to do the whole spasticated im going to fall in your bed, im not going to fall in your bed, i am going to fall in your bed. After much bambi on ice shenanigans, although only in action and by no means cuteness, it got passed my bed and i thought i could finally and safely get some sleep. NO. It fell. It hit a picture. It landed IN my fricking bed. And an hour later when i finally found my pair of testicles, dealt with the problem, and climbed back in to bed...another one was waiting in the same spot.
(Sat 12th Apr 2008, 23:09, More)

» DIY disasters

Great timing
Back when i was a wee lad my dad was busy turning the loft in to a playroom. I was busy trying to scare the bejeevus out of my brother and sister by jumping in to my room, where they were sitting unawares, and fireing my cap gun. Yes i know, devious. Now imagine my suprise when the moment i pulled that trigger, my ceiling exploded! When it was safe to look up i was confronted with a leg cavorting about from the ceiling. On closer inspection i found the leg belonged to my dad whose downfall had been caused by placing a trusting foot on the fiendishly thin boarding between the loft beams. Silly bugger only then went and fell through above his own bedroom a couple of days later. He did build a good loft though.
(Mon 7th Apr 2008, 11:45, More)

» This book changed my life

not life changing
Other than milligans stuff like Puckoon and his war diaries, the funniest books ive read are the Wilt books. Theres a lot of books that make you smile but not many that make you really laugh.
(Thu 15th May 2008, 22:53, More)