» Guilty Pleasures, part 2

I don't chase pigeons...
But I have great guilty pleasure in scaring the fecal matter out of nearby folk.
If I'm in town, and there's a crowd of say 3 or more pigeons in the vicinity, you can easily create a scene without drawing much attention to yourself. Simply take out your keys, and throw them up into the air. Not too high, a metre should be sufficient. I'm not sure whether it's the fast/flashing motion of light reflected from your twinkling keys, or whether it's the ringing sound, but any pigeons nearby will instantly take flight!
I do feel guilty as once I made someone drop their bag of chips as a bewildered pigeon shot straight for their face.
But trust me, it's immensely satisfying clearing the vicinity of nobbly-toed sky-rats.

Seriously, try it!


P.S. I once tried this in St. Peter's Square in Venice.
It was absolutely immense.
(Tue 18th Mar 2008, 12:08, More)

» Guilty Pleasures, part 2

Social discomfort
This is actually something I do around people. To people. I'm boring when I'm on my own.

I consciously and willfully violate people's personal space.
This causes people to think I'm an absolute prick and would probably punch me if I gave them a less homophobic reason other than "He touched me!"

BTW, I am a straight guy, I just display affection for my male peers in a strange manner.
I'm not sure why I do this, as I know it really makes some people's blood boil.
I will happily stroke the face of someone I've only just met. People I've known longer get a chin stroke. I can fully understand why people are uncomfortable with it, but I don't understand why I do it.
Some of my friends have learned to deal with this and are awesome, and often reciprocate.
Man boob gropage occurs with my best of friends.

Female friends get head-touching and hugs.

I can only assume this is some sort of substitute for physical affection where there isn't a girlfriend.

I almost always have to high-five friends and aquaintances when I meet them.

I also regularly get my man-tits out in public. I can't remember the last day that went by where I didn't show someone my nipples.

Any freudian psychologists wish to analyse me?
(Fri 14th Mar 2008, 0:31, More)

» Mix Tapes

The question is...
In a few years time, will people be making 5.1 DTS DVD mixes for their loved ones? All mixed on their pocket sized 500GHz Mac phone-puters.
If I'd lived in 1896, would I have been making mix-piano rolls?
(Fri 8th Feb 2008, 10:09, More)

» Karma

No sign of Karma yet...
I can't think of any karma stories right now.
The only time I can remember it being mentioned in relation to me is by my ex...

My first serious relationship began almost exactly a year ago and lasted 6 months. I was happy being in a relationship, being 19 and inexperienced wasn't fun, so it was comfortable. There were times when I thought "Do we really go that well together" but every time I started forming thoughts of breaking up, I would mentally chastise myself and think of shiny things.
Relationship good. Single bad.
Eventually I began to see we were completely incompatible. I was a jolly social sort who thrived on the plentiful company of others, I was optimistic and saw a bright future.
She, on the otherhand, was an angry, pessimistic type who wanted me all to herself, and once cried for half an hour because I gave a female friend a slice of cheese...
"You never do anything thoughtful for me!"
I became scared to say anything, I retracted into myself around her and became unresponsive.
She became angrier and more pessimistic and every time I saw her she'd be upset and repeatedly tell me what a shit boyfriend I was.
At about 5/6 months, she tells me she loves me, I concur but she calls me on it later and I retract the statement. More crying.
A couple of weeks later she's talking about us moving in together. I'd just turned 20 (she cried on my birthday when I spent some time talking to my mates who came to visit from back home, she said I'd been ignoring her). We'd been going out 6 months.
Not long afterwards I broke up with her.
She kept trying to meet up again so we could "stay friends"
I tell her I need some space before we can, so I stop contacting her. She keeps emailing me regardless. I ignore them, hoping she'll remember that I needed space.
She keeps emailing me, and begins playing good-cop bad-cop with herself, sending an angry email, then a "forgiving" email. The forgiving emails would almost draw me into replying until I'd see some snide comment at the end that would invalidate everything she'd said previously.
Eventually she sent the last email and thankfully it actually was. I ignored this one too.
The post-script?
"P.S. I hope you don't get YOUR heart trampled on and I hope Karma doesn't come and bite you on the ass."
Oh how I giggled.

Epilogue:
Still single, but a shit-load happier :D
Had a badly spelt text message from her at christmas. Also ignored this. I don't think Karma has affected me and I have no idea about whether it's affected her.
(Fri 22nd Feb 2008, 23:17, More)

» Stalked

Am I a stalker?
First pearoast so go easy on me!

I realised I was slightly stalking a girl yesterday (only slightly!).

I've been single for a fair few months now, and while I enjoyed that time, the novelty's starting to wear thin, so I'm currently window browsing rather enthusiastically. Some might call me "desperate". I do too.
This basically means I meet girls I think I might do well with and just admire them from a distance without doing anything constructive.
I met a girl in my regular pub who shall be named T, nice lass, but I've only encountered her a few times, also encountered her in a coffee shop I regularly enjoy. Chatted to her in the pub, she said she was going to the club later (Huddersfield's Camel Club, the place to be on a friday night!) so I was hoping to make moves there (my moves involve talking to girls until they bore of me and wander off). Alas she went home with a friend or something along those lines so moves were thoroughly unmade. Did the customary adding on facebook (stalkbook?) "Hi, how's it going?" on her wall, no reply.
Yesterday I had nothing to do with my day, so I was sat in, reading all the stalker stories. I tired of this so decided to meander into town. I'd rationalised in my brain that it was to buy some new trainers. It was actually an excuse for me to attempt to bump into T again, strike up a convo and then make babies. I told myself I was going to chill in the coffee shop with a coffee. I went in, looked around, she wasn't there, I exited sans coffee.
I bumped into a mate and we headed to aforementioned pub for a drink and some foods. I was also hoping to bump into her there.
Got a lift home with mate. I'd been contemplating going to the pub in the evening for the quiz. My usual accomplice in such affairs had other plans for the evening so I would be heading down alone, and bumping into some mates there. If it wasn't for the VAGUEST possibility that T might be there (past few times I'd been there, she had, so I was hoping she'd be there again) then I probably wouldn't have gone. She wasn't there.
Does this make me a stalker?
I was actually just trying to encounter her so I could strike up a conversation. I'm not shy or anything, I can talk to anyone. And I wasn't finding out where she lived or anything so I could stare at her while she washed dishes either! I was literally just trying to facilitate an encounter. Discrete stalking is pointless when you can talk them into bed!

I'm now hungover as I did bump into some mates inthe pub, had a good crack at the quiz, won some disturbing granny porn for the best team name ("Watch out!! Beadle's a corpse!!"), hit the club and got suitably bladdered.

I've never REALLY been stalked, but I became profficient in anti-stalking, obsessively actively avoiding someone. This pretty much started in sixth form, after getting friendly with characters I didn't really want to get too friendly with. I would avoid going to places they might be, I'd peak around every corner before going, I'd get in the habit of taking unnecessarily long routes to avoid a place they might be. I had the reactions of a cat when it came to pulling out my phone whenever I spotted them to pretend I was writing a text message!

But now, stalkers just need to log into facebook to find out everything they ever need to know about me. I like to give them a fighting chance, you know?

Right, I'm rambling and I need a poo so this ends here.

Length? I'll take a waterproof tape measure.

EDIT: By the way, I'm also going to the pub tonight, just for one bevvie, good chance she'll be there.
(Tue 5th Feb 2008, 17:09, More)