» Customers from Hell

Women can't be trusted
I am a woman and an engineer (shock horror). There aren't many of us about, and most guys are cool about it. In fact, it's normally the snotty office women staring down at me as if I am some sort of pond life.
But there are a few.

One was when I was going to a job with a couple of guys as a favour at an Alliance and Leicester - the offices, not the bank. So we get there, Wanker Manager meets us, he shakes the other two's hands - I proffer mine, and he completely blanks me. 'How rude' I think, but shrug and carry on. So we take a look at the machine, diagnose the fault etc.

Now considering I'm the only one with the laptops with the reports on I say I'll go outside the comms room in the offices and write up the report. I sit down at a desk smiling and nodding at the people around me - no-one says it's a problem to be there, so I happily type up my report, save it and start shutting the laptop down. The whole thing takes oh, three minutes?
At this moment wanker-manager comes over.
WM: You''l have to move from here the women are about to do payroll.
Me: Oh ok, I'm just shutting the laptop down I'll be five seconds.
WM: You need to move now, you can move to another desk, but they're about to do payroll.
Me: I know, you said, look the laptops dead, I'll move.

So now I'm thinking he's a complete twat now. I ignore him and go back to the guys. They say they need to talk to someone else and can I stay in the room with the unit whilst it does its self-checks?
Sure, it's not rocket science. So off they go and fuck me if not a minute later Wanker Manager pops his head round the door.
WM: You can't stay in here without an authorised person. The auditors are in. A member of staff has to be present.

Now fuming, I walked outside and over to my colleague. So men could be trusted, but evidently a pitiful woman like me couldn't.
Colleague asks me if I am okay noticing the bright red colour I am turning. I explain the situation, detailing how much of an outburst their would be if he made any sort of sexual discrimination again.

Luckily for him he didn't. Maybe he could see the smoke coming out of my ears. He was also very lucky I was doing it as a favour - if it had been one of my jobs I would have happily explained the problem with his attitude in front of his entire staff and probably told him to fuck off.

I pride myself on being pretty good at my job too, which I think hurts more.
Still I got my revenge. I set his service alarm to come up exactly one year from the installation date, instead of two and a half years as per normal. Hoepfully he'll put it through as a call out and he'll pay more as it's non-contract ^_^

He was ginger too.

Fuckwit.
(Wed 10th Sep 2008, 19:50, More)

» Social Networking Gaffes

Years ago...
I made the mistake of joining MSN messenger (does that count? well, anyway) and talking to retarded Americans at 3am.

Why? I was on a downer at the time and getting seriously depressed and not having many friends of my own thought this would cheer me up along with the vast quantities of alcohol I was consuming.

How wrong I was. One guy insisted I should come over and marry him (I was training to be an engineer at the time so a Green Card wasn't a problem). All the girls were just really bitchy.

The reason I gave it up? Well apart from pulling myself together, I got fed up of people correcting me on my spelling when I typed words such as 'realise' and 'colour'.
Get stuffed. I don't whine on about 'gray' and how to pronounce 'paedophile' which I suspect half of them were.
(Thu 11th Sep 2008, 16:00, More)

» Customers from Hell

So many tales, so little time...
So I won't be posting them all now and bore you to death.

I used to be a cashier at a small petrol station. We must have had every fuckwit from the inbred towns/villages nearby buy fuel from us. Here are a few morsels to entertain:

1. There is a big sign next to the till informing customers that we do not take cheques. There are also signs on the pumps so you can see them before/as you fill up.
Customer Twat: Pump #3.
Me: That's £20.36 please.
CT: (gets out chequebook) So who do I make this payable to?
Me: I'm sorry sir, we don't take cheques.
CT: You used to.
Me: We haven't since February 2006. (the date being March '08)
CT: (getting irate) Well, you haven't put any signs up.
Me: (points to sign) There are also some on the pumps.
CT: No there aren't.
Me: Yes, there are.
CT: (angry now) No, you're lying I would have seen them!
Me: (resisting urge to slap CT) If you don't believe me I can show you them.
CT: Yes I want you to show me where they are
Me: (sighs, gets other girl to cover till, goes out with CT and points out bloody huge notice on pump) That one.
CT: Oh.
Me: And as you can see ALL the pumps have them on.
CT: Oh I didn't see that.
(He could have redeemed himself by apologising, but oh no.)
CT: They should be bigger.
Me: (pissed off) Yes, A5 is a bit small I suppose.

2. "I'm a journaist, don't you know?"
"Oh right. But I still can't take this card as payment, sir." says I.
The PIN was blocked. Not just forgotten, or some cards don't have a PIN allocated and a little slip prints off to sign, but no this was locked, and the little machine was coming up with 'Do not accept card.'
In order to persuade me to over-ride it (no way) he had brought his Press Pass card as proof of identity, and was now saying:
"I'm going to put in an official complaint. And you'll be in the paper, and..." he ranted on and on, until some nice man (the only one in the area) told him to shut up, pay with aother card and fuck off.
Thank you, nice man for saying what I couldn't.
The journo promptly paid and scurried off. He did put in a complaint and my manager promptly told him to fuck off to as I had done everything right. Yay me.

And now as an engineer:
3. One of the best call outs I've ever been to.
The brief: A customer was complaining that his uninterruptible power supply was making a 'funny noise'. In I go with a colleague.
The machine is fine, nothing wrong. I ask the customer
"So what noise was it making?"
"It's doing it now."
"Erm... that's the machine running normally."
"Really? It's a bit noisy isn't it?"
"Uh... no. This is one of the quieter ones."
It seems the customer had put more load on the unit, and now it was working harder, the frequency had changed.
He wouldn't believe it was okay until we fired up the laptop and let him look at all the status reports. IDIOT!

If you like, I will post more. If not, I won't take up any more of your time ^_^
(Thu 4th Sep 2008, 19:44, More)

» Banks

Debit Card *Warning Rant Ahead*
I opened a children's account with Nationwide when I was about 12, which I changed into a proper current account when I was 16. At 18 and I started my apprenticeship, I realised I would need a debit card for the job and maybe a cheque book (had to claim expenses back, no float issued).

Went into my new local branch as I had recently moved, and explained. The Nationwide lady told me I would need to set up a new current account to get a debit card.

All goes through, and I go back for another meeting and they say I can't have a debit card as I have 'insufficient credit rating'. I explain I have been a valued customer, only went overdrawn once, really need one for my new job etc. And still no.

So I leave with a new account and a cheque guarantee card for £100 (big fucking wow), and popped into Barclays.

5 minutes later, a new account is set up, and a debit card is on the way. I transfer my wages and set up everything to Barclays. Too bad Nationwide, I tried to be loyal and you didn't want to know.

And lo and behold 6 months later I get a letter from Nationwide offering me a chance to upgrade to my card to a debit card.

Well, fuck you. You didn't want to repay my loyalty and give me a debit card when I really needed one so you can stick it up your arse.

Sorry for lack or funny, but it really boils my blood, as I still keep getting these letters. Maybe I should ring them up and explain.

(Very happy with Barclays though ^_^)
(Thu 16th Jul 2009, 17:45, More)

» I Quit!

I have flounced
I appreciate this post only qualifies for half the QOTW, but I finally gave my bitch of a boss a few home truths about how I've been treated over the last five/six months.

Allow me to detail (sorry if this is a bit boring)

I joined a very large plasterboard firm back in September, and through being the only full-time permanent memeber of the team, I got offered a position on a project (the company has a new software system that is being installed), after the last lady gave up through incompetence/laziness. I duly started in January after a promise of a bonus, full support, working toward promotion etc.

All went well, a bit slow at first, and then it picked up, but as usual the shit has hit the fan at the eleventh hour. I am working my nads off (well, if I had nads) to try and meet our 'Go Live' date of June 1st. The last week I have buried myself in my work and not really spoken to anyone.

Today I am pulled up by my boss over my 'attitude' because I have been short with her(true) and members of the team (bollocks). I lost my temper and pointed out that over the last six months she has:

- Called everything she didn't like 'a crock' or 'a load of shit', or if she couldn't have her own way 'not good enough'

- In the middle of the system testing announced 'This is boring do I have to do it?' in front of the whole team

- Gave me a bollocking over staying at home (I was working) waiting for my hire car to be picked up for a couple of hours, even though I had travelled eight hours the few days previous in my time and not claimed it

- Sodded around in the training I was giving until I almost threw her out. Then claimed she didn't know anything (try listening instead of pressing random buttons)

- Constantly phoned up people I was working with when I had to spend time at another site to ask if I was there and what I was doing

- Acted like a spoilt brat in meetings when she couldn't get things in her favour (I then had to put up with senior project members teasing me about it. I was so embarrassed)

- Asking me really stupid questions when I am trying to concentrate on important stuff that if I screw up fucks everything up that follows

- Ignoring me when I try to tell her about important things that she doesn't think are important

- And all in all being completely negative and invalidating my work after spending all this time sorting stuff out and re-writing some of it after the last person cocked it up.

She seemed genuinely shocked when I said I now hated my job and didn't want to come in any more (true) and that I was looking for another job. I also gave her the choice of
a) letting me do my job, and yes I would be a miserable/unsociable bitch
b) me being happy and jolly and interactive, but don't expect me to finish my work by the Friday afternoon deadline.

I then flounced out.

I'm looking for a new job. Oh yes.
(Tue 27th May 2008, 19:26, More)