» Buses

“No eeeeeet's for everyone!”
'Twas a dark and drizzly night and I was drunkenly chatting with my mate Pete while waiting a seeming eternity for a night bus in a desolate suburb after a gig in Islington. Out of the mist an 'out of service' night bus came along in the other direction and pulled up at the stop opposite.

Much to our bemusement the driver got out, crossed the road past us and started going through the donations outside a Save The Children charity shop and takes a couple of loads back to the bus where he already appears to have a fair collection of would be charity shop fodder.

Pete asks him if he thinks it's ok to steal from a charity. This goes back and forth for a while with the driver getting increasingly irate when Pete in a moment of drunken emotion points out that “It's for the starving children in Africa!” which was enough to set me off giggling. Where upon the (previously very West Indian sounding bus driver) squeaks the immortal reply:

“No eeeeeet's for everyone!” sounding exactly like Manuel from Fawlty Towers finally reaching the end of his tether.

At this point I'm doubled over with laughter and our bus turns up. The driver follows Pete and I on board remonstrating with him at the top of his voice.

The new driver is looking understandably worried at one of his colleagues being in an argument with a burly drunk and asked me what was going on. The expression on his face was when I explained was priceless.

I really wouldn't have like to have been the thieving driver next time he was on a break with his colleagues.

When I complained to the bus company they came out with the normal line about not being able to identify which driver it was. So I emailed them the photos I'd taken of him in the act [stop sniggering at the back] and suggested if they couldn't identify him from those then the local paper might be willing to help. Funnily enough they didn't have any problem working out who it was after that.

First time – please be gentle.
(Tue 30th Jun 2009, 21:24, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

Another lego story... now with added kitten
Like a lot of people on here I suddenly realised I was allegedly grown up and could afford to buy the latest version of the lego toy I always wanted.

In my case this was the lego mindstorms robot which is far more impressive than anything they had when I was a kid. For example they have ultrasonic ranging and can be programmed to communicate with each other over bluetooth.

A couple of weeks later I was around a mate's place and noticed he had the same kit. As well as 2 cats and a maine coon kitten.

It's now our mission to put a laser pointer on top, program them to dance around each other in circles and turn them into the ultimate toys for the cats to chase round the room.

Silly... yes, pointless... yes, hours of fun... possibly
(Thu 24th Sep 2009, 0:12, More)

» Celebrities part II

More ignorant than rude
My mum is one of those people who loves chatting to anyone who can't escape but isn't so good at listening or noticing body language.

Last year she was visiting distant relatives somewhere outside Fresno in California. They decided to spend a couple of days in San Francisco and like good tourists went to visit Alcatraz. The ferry to the island was pretty busy and my mum had an empty seat next to her so a guy sat there while the rest of his family (and a couple of what she reckons were bodyguards) sat across the aisle. The guy was David Beckham and according to my mum he was really nice. This is even more surprising as apparently my mum told him (no doubt at great length and with much repetition) about how she grew up near Stamford Bridge and how she wished her dad was still around to hear that she'd met him as he'd been a massive Chelsea fan.

When my poor mum told me this and I broke the news that David Beckham had played for Man United rather than Chelsea she didn't believe me at first! I guess that either he's nice enough to humour her or she really was too oblivious to notice his discomfort.

Length? About 15 minutes apparently.
(Tue 13th Oct 2009, 22:23, More)