» Spoilt Brats

Woo! First On-Topic Post!
A mate of mine has a little brother. Sadly his father passed away, and he (the little brother) got something along the lines of £2,500. £1,000 was for him to spend. He now has roughly about £200 left of it, and nothing but broken toys and shitty PS2 games he doesn't like to show for it. When I was his age (I think he's around the 4yr old mark) I was lucky to have £1 to spend on anything, let alone a grand.

If that's not spoilt, I don't know what is.

As for come-uppance, as he's spoilt to buggery he won't be able to function on his own when he's older and he currently acts like he's 2 years younger than he is. Good luck with getting on in school, chum!

EDIT: Damn, not the first on-topic post after all...

EDIT 2: When going shop with same friend and brother, I went in for some ciggie papers. Being the generous bloke I bought my mate a can and the little bugger a small chocolate bar (Freddo, anyone?). I went to give it him saying "This is yours but I'm giving it to your brother, you can have it after your tea". His brother says "That's nice, what do you say?". Both of us expecting please to be the answer, he proudly and loudly says "Nothing!". "Fine, you're not having it says I". Majority of the walk back he's demanding HIS chocolate bar, even though we all stated it wasn't his as "kids with no manners don't deserve chocolate" so to silence him I gave it to my other friend who was instructed to eat it on the spot.


The little sprog was almost in tears and sat down in in the street refusing to move.

Kids; I won't put up with thier shit.
(Thu 9th Oct 2008, 14:44, More)

» Faking it

Just thought of another...
Whilst working for a Reprographic company, I was supposed to be trained in Photoshop, Illustrator and the like. Instead, I became the company odd-job man. One of my main duties was to keep track of all the imagesetters and work-flow. Of course, sometimes there would be hours of doing sweet F.A. So what i used to do is browse many websites with a Repro file open in illustrator in the background. Any time I thought someone was coming over to me or anything, i would switch to it and say that's what I was doing. All went well for a week or 2, until i was called into the officce and presented with a REAM of printout of, and I quote, "a selection of the sites I'd been on". Jesus! How many sites did I go through!?!

after that, it went from internet skiving to the age old trick of visiting different departments, chatting for 20 mins and moving on to the next with a folder to look busy. That, and playing Solitaire on my mobile in the imagesetter rooms...

Then there was the time I was working off-site at a customers as a Mac Operator. My own desk, my own Mac, sat in the corner with only a wall behind me. Looking through the Mac whilst not busy and what do I find? World of Warcraft and MSN Messenger installed. Cue me chatting to my mates whilst playing on my mate's WoW account with my own character for hours a day. Even got caught playing by the customer's staff. Nothing said, though. Go me!

Click "I like this!" and more Repro stories will follow...
(Fri 11th Jul 2008, 12:37, More)

» Faking it

You big fat faker!
Faking it, eh? Well there's been quite a bit of that!

Besides the obligitory faking of details on forms, I guess the biggest fake which comes to mind is this:

Fresh out of college, the then young S55 used to love nothing more than to meet up with his dastardly partner in crime Col, and do nothing more all day than walk round the shops and local woodland enjoying plenty of... herbal cigarettes. Of course, when going round such stores like PC World and Comet, the last thing you want is some Sales Scrote coming up to you faking knowledge in the field of computers. Especially when the only thing he's interested in is his commision, not your needs.

We decided to get our own back.

As soon as one of these drones stopped us asking "Can I help you, sir?" we would launch into a rather speedy but important spiel that we were from XYZ Big Company, and we were wondering about A: whether there was a discount for bulk buying, B: whether these systems would be suitable to creating a high-end cluster system and C: whether the PCs would be suitable for XYZ Random Industry-standard software package. 2 games came from this. The game of winding up as many clerks who made the mistake of bothering 2 unemployed lads and the game of Who can keep a straight face the longest whilst Monged out of our trees.
I used to always win, very good at the "Poker-Face".

Click "I Like This!" and I'll give you some other gems from the Green-Era...
(Fri 11th Jul 2008, 10:43, More)

» Sexism

Bollock-kicking VS. Childbirth.
Many people say childbirth is worse and more painful than a bollock-kicking. But I say childbirth has 9 months advance warning and can only happen once in 9 months. Bollock-kicking can come at any time without warning and repeatedly.

Personally, I think overall a bollock-kicking is worse.
(Mon 4th Jan 2010, 18:43, More)

» Procrastination

Morning Laziness
Dunno if this counts though, but...

I love my bed. There's nothing better than this warm fortress against the cold every morning. Sadly, it means I find it extremely difficult to get the motivation to leave it and get ready for work. So much so that I need 2 alarm clocks set 45 minutes before I actually need to get up.
If that wasn't bad enough, I always end up hitting the snooze buttons all the way til the point where I need to rush about like a madman to get ready on time.

Lazy? Oh yes.
(Fri 14th Nov 2008, 8:40, More)