Profile for Ktulu O'Ryleh:
1. I do live in mighty Birmingham. Extracting as much good from it as exists.
2. Invented the light switch before there was such a thing as lights.
3. Owns a lovely guitar.
4. Looks a bit like he ran very fast through a window.
5. used to be a virgin.
Recent front page messages:
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Best answers to questions:
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- a member for 1 year, 5 months and 27 days
- has posted 9 messages on the main board
- has posted 114 messages on the talk board
- has posted 1 messages on the links board
- has posted 14 stories and 42 replies on question of the week
- They liked 12 pictures, 2 links, 0 talk posts, and 27 qotw answers.
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1. I do live in mighty Birmingham. Extracting as much good from it as exists.
2. Invented the light switch before there was such a thing as lights.
3. Owns a lovely guitar.
4. Looks a bit like he ran very fast through a window.
5. used to be a virgin.
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» I Quit!
Job duration = 0
After the car delivery job I applied to work for a huge parcel delivery company named after a type of explosive.
I attended the interview and everything went well. Three days later I recieve the letter 'Dear Mr O'Ryleh, We are pleased to inform you..blah de blah... come in Friday for orientation. Love, Parcel-delivery-company-named-after-a-type-of-explosive'.
'Sweet!' thinks I...
At orientation we are shown the usual videos about company history and safety videos showing huge and tragic potential conveyor belt injuries, we sign our 5 million contracts and waivers and then we're told about the random drug testing.
'I begs your pardon?' says I
'Every week, 5 employees selected at random will be urine tested for illegal drugs'
'That's no good, I quit'
'B-b-beg your pardon? Why?'
'I take drugs. sorry'
And so it was that my shortest ever employment lasted exactly nought units of time.
(Wed 28th May 2008, 0:37, More)
Job duration = 0
After the car delivery job I applied to work for a huge parcel delivery company named after a type of explosive.
I attended the interview and everything went well. Three days later I recieve the letter 'Dear Mr O'Ryleh, We are pleased to inform you..blah de blah... come in Friday for orientation. Love, Parcel-delivery-company-named-after-a-type-of-explosive'.
'Sweet!' thinks I...
At orientation we are shown the usual videos about company history and safety videos showing huge and tragic potential conveyor belt injuries, we sign our 5 million contracts and waivers and then we're told about the random drug testing.
'I begs your pardon?' says I
'Every week, 5 employees selected at random will be urine tested for illegal drugs'
'That's no good, I quit'
'B-b-beg your pardon? Why?'
'I take drugs. sorry'
And so it was that my shortest ever employment lasted exactly nought units of time.
(Wed 28th May 2008, 0:37, More)
» What's the hardest you've tried to get dumped?
Lovecats.
I was going out with a girl for three years. Not so long but it sure seemed it at the time. I wont go into why because this will just turn into an unending stream of woe and I'd much rather keep it light.
She was an anal sex freak which, although I am partial, can get annoying when it's every single time you get jiggy.
Something had to give.
It was my penis.
Now don't worry it didn't snap off inside her or anything, it just stopped performing as it should. She was very sympathetic at first... offering me sympathy and trying to be gentle. But, as soon as she proffered the ringpiece I would soften like a flump on a hot day.
I was making myself think of tiny kittens.
Kittens crawling on my cock and licking my balls. Mewing and scratching with barely open eyes. Tiny little innocent blind kittens covered in semen and lady-juices.
Some people out there might get the opposite effect from those kind of thoughts, I dunno, whatever floats yer boat... For me it had the most instantaneous softening effect.
Her dissatisfaction led to her sleeping with one of our housemates. I'll never forget the day he came and confessed to me. Poor guy had to get it off his chest I guess.. "I've been sleeping with ****. I'm really sorry man..." and a whole load of other blah. I wasn't listening, I just had three words running through my head over and over and over. "You Poor Bastard"
Four days later I moved out, 3 months later I left the country. I still get the odd email from her about how much she misses me and loves me. I occasionally print them out then screw them up into a ball and throw them in the bin.. just for pleasure. I haven't had to think of the kittens for a long time now and it feels great.
Length? Have you ever tried to use a six day old kitten as a sort of novelty condom? Well don't. They're too fucking small.
(Fri 6th Jun 2008, 4:51, More)
Lovecats.
I was going out with a girl for three years. Not so long but it sure seemed it at the time. I wont go into why because this will just turn into an unending stream of woe and I'd much rather keep it light.
She was an anal sex freak which, although I am partial, can get annoying when it's every single time you get jiggy.
Something had to give.
It was my penis.
Now don't worry it didn't snap off inside her or anything, it just stopped performing as it should. She was very sympathetic at first... offering me sympathy and trying to be gentle. But, as soon as she proffered the ringpiece I would soften like a flump on a hot day.
I was making myself think of tiny kittens.
Kittens crawling on my cock and licking my balls. Mewing and scratching with barely open eyes. Tiny little innocent blind kittens covered in semen and lady-juices.
Some people out there might get the opposite effect from those kind of thoughts, I dunno, whatever floats yer boat... For me it had the most instantaneous softening effect.
Her dissatisfaction led to her sleeping with one of our housemates. I'll never forget the day he came and confessed to me. Poor guy had to get it off his chest I guess.. "I've been sleeping with ****. I'm really sorry man..." and a whole load of other blah. I wasn't listening, I just had three words running through my head over and over and over. "You Poor Bastard"
Four days later I moved out, 3 months later I left the country. I still get the odd email from her about how much she misses me and loves me. I occasionally print them out then screw them up into a ball and throw them in the bin.. just for pleasure. I haven't had to think of the kittens for a long time now and it feels great.
Length? Have you ever tried to use a six day old kitten as a sort of novelty condom? Well don't. They're too fucking small.
(Fri 6th Jun 2008, 4:51, More)
» My Biggest Disappointment
Suicide
Waking up in hospital with a tube stuffed up my japs-eye, needles in my arms, unable to walk due to the prodigous amounts of stolen carbodiazepam that still hadn't metabolized after 3 days in a coma, one of my dearest friends (now sadly deceased after a bit of the ole suicide himself) sat in a chair by the bed, the sensation of having a beer can lodged in my arsehole (actually an enormous black turd like a lump of coal), the shame, guilt and fear about what everyone would say and feel and the sense of utter humiliation that it hadn't worked.
Suicide was an utter let down. On the plus side though, I did get better after a few years of therapy and intense self-questioning under the influence of LSD.
Do not attempt this at home kids.
(Wed 2nd Jul 2008, 22:42, More)
Suicide
Waking up in hospital with a tube stuffed up my japs-eye, needles in my arms, unable to walk due to the prodigous amounts of stolen carbodiazepam that still hadn't metabolized after 3 days in a coma, one of my dearest friends (now sadly deceased after a bit of the ole suicide himself) sat in a chair by the bed, the sensation of having a beer can lodged in my arsehole (actually an enormous black turd like a lump of coal), the shame, guilt and fear about what everyone would say and feel and the sense of utter humiliation that it hadn't worked.
Suicide was an utter let down. On the plus side though, I did get better after a few years of therapy and intense self-questioning under the influence of LSD.
Do not attempt this at home kids.
(Wed 2nd Jul 2008, 22:42, More)
» Pointless Experiments
Can you make your cock disappear?
It turns out you can... just pinch the end of your foreskin and kind of work your way down it pushing your willie inside your scrotum. It makes for an intersting party trick. Don't show your missus though or she'll never want to touch it again.
(Fri 25th Jul 2008, 21:05, More)
Can you make your cock disappear?
It turns out you can... just pinch the end of your foreskin and kind of work your way down it pushing your willie inside your scrotum. It makes for an intersting party trick. Don't show your missus though or she'll never want to touch it again.
(Fri 25th Jul 2008, 21:05, More)
» Best Films Ever
Haggard
This is by Bam Margera and a few of the other cky guys. mostly shite but worth watching for Falcone.
"smear the shitlogs everywhere! I'm gonna go and take care of business upstairs"
"Did you know that ninety percent of the worlds freon is in old fridgerators?
"He wears womens underwears"
These quotes are only funny if you've seen the movie, so go and watch it.
Some excellent movie picks from this qotw, at least from the people who made an effort/picked something semi-obscure.
(Mon 21st Jul 2008, 3:52, More)
Haggard
This is by Bam Margera and a few of the other cky guys. mostly shite but worth watching for Falcone.
"smear the shitlogs everywhere! I'm gonna go and take care of business upstairs"
"Did you know that ninety percent of the worlds freon is in old fridgerators?
"He wears womens underwears"
These quotes are only funny if you've seen the movie, so go and watch it.
Some excellent movie picks from this qotw, at least from the people who made an effort/picked something semi-obscure.
(Mon 21st Jul 2008, 3:52, More)