» Stuff You've Overheard

Some More Bus Fun...
It was two years ago on the 'park and ride' bus coming back from college in the evening. I had wisely decided to sit at the back, well away from the poor dishevelled single mum and her two young mischievous boys at the front. The little terrors couldn't have been much older than six or seven, and were obviously starting to become bored by the journey.

When the bus was about ten minutes away from the final stop, the boys began to squabble with each other. This continued for five minutes or more, before the pair finally erupted into a violent bout of fisty-cuffs. All of a sudden, one of them started to cry having just been poked in the eye by his brother.

Only muffled sounds of a 'telling off' could be heard over the noise of the engine and other passengers. That is, until mum decided she'd finally had enough of diplomacy and lost all control of the volume of her voice. All that anyone on the bus could hear was one stressed woman's cries of, "WELL MAYBE HE SAID THAT BECAUSE YOU *ARE* A COCK MONKEY!!!"

The woman, suddenly realising her outburst was shockingly inappropriate, turned bright red with shame whilst I lost all control of my bladder laughing...
(Thu 10th Jun 2004, 1:13, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

Boiled Eggs
Anything that smells like a sewage farm should not be inserted into the mouth IMHO...
(Mon 12th Jul 2004, 13:11, More)

» Inventions You're Too Lazy To Make

OMG! How weird?!
The other day I was thinking that it would be so cool if someone invented a squeezy bottle for milk to avoid 4-pinter splash disasters and morning cardboard mayhem when making coffee; only it turns out some bastard has already thought of it (but you can only buy the stuff in Japan - typical huh?). Oh, by the way - the solution is to buy sachets of coffee instead of jars ...... I'll get my coat then .....
(Thu 8th Apr 2004, 1:31, More)

» Impromptu Games You Play

The Kylie (Minogue) Game
Rules of Play:

1) Enter your local music emporium; failing this HMV will do...
2) Find the 'Dance' section. This is important kidz, 'cause everyone knows just how Happy Hardcore Kylie tracks really are ;)
3) Each player must now take a CD off the rack at random and read the tracklisting. Should Kylie turn up, the player wins. Otherwise, the next player takes his/her turn at picking.
4) If after five choices each no Kylie is spotted - you aren't playing properly ;) and the game is officially tied.


Top Tips:
* Try and look for CDs with enticing artists on the cover such as Justin Timberlake.

* Play 'Best of Three' amongst the big High-street chains.

* There are certain CD compilations that just scream "I have Kylie on Me!"; they tend to have bright coloured sleeves and "NOW" in the title (eg Now Dance 40, Now Dance 41, etc)

* Avert your gaze whilst another person takes their turn to avoid giving away the CD you've spotted with great Kylie potential...

* In times of Kylie Crisis, you may subsitute her for another pop-act; Justin Timberlake is another chart friendly muppet that often appears on Dance Albums...
(Tue 30th Mar 2004, 17:36, More)

» Slang Survey

The Magical Idge
Adding 'idge' to the end of everything seems to be the major one round our parts at the moment, particularly 'LOLidge' and 'foodidge'.

Gay to mean bad also seems to be doing the rounds everywhere, but not in a homophobic way: more of a kind of postmodern ironic 'girls-wearing-t-shirts-with-"fat-slag"-written-on-them' way.

Other recent favourites include: 'cocksocks', 'puttybutter', 'anal' and of course 'goatse' used whenever something is seriously vomit-inducingly sick! (EG - "Did you see that on TV last night? It was totally goatse!")
(Mon 2nd Feb 2004, 12:18, More)