» Tramps

I was the tramp
Our tale begins with yours truly sitting in a police car. You see, I'd been homeless for a good many months and in between roughing it, I'd done a fair bit of sofa surfing on especially cold nights. At one particular “friends”, I had however come a cropper. See this friend, rather then asking me to move on, as others had in various ways, decided instead to go for broke. I was asked to go out and pick up some stuff from another mutual acquaintance only to find that person wasn't just not in the house, but not even in the same city! Trudging back I phoned up – I'd left everything I owned in this friends place, beyond the bag on my back that literally went everywhere with me – it had a change of clothes and a sleeping bag in it. I was refused, and then was put on the business end of the most painful and hurtful tirades I've ever been witness to.

Threats a plenty came across the line. So I'd phoned the police as the temperature was dropping below zero at this point to get back what stuff I could carry with me. By the time the police had arrived (2 hours later), this friend had managed to hide/remove/whatever everything I knew to be in that house.

Everything.

So the police took me to the local salvation army centre, but as per – it was full to the brim. It's December, there is snow coming down quite heavily and I'm on the streets. Fuck.

In a moment of desperation I phoned a guy I'd worked with as a phone monkey for Currys. At this point I figured I didn't have anything to loose. The diamond came through.

“No probs Lea, get your arse round to my old man's – we'll set up a bed for you and we can work out the rest later!”

After an hour or so I got to his old man's house based on the directions he'd given me. By now I can't feel anything below my knees and my fingers are becoming difficult to move – it's that cold.

I stay at his Dad's place for two weeks in the end. But that's not the best part. Oh no.

His Dad was (as I understand it) a well known and trusted member of the Muslim community. Where both the local council and Christian charities had told me they couldn't do much due to me not being a single mother/(ex)junkie/asylum seaker/ex con. This one man, with a handful of phone calls arranged a place for me. Even better, thanks to his good words on my behalf, I didn't even have to pay a deposit!!!

So here I am, at home nearly 18 months later and very much alive thanks to a virtual strangers' kindness.

Thanks Noah, I can't say how much I owe you – how much is a life worth?

As for the “friend”, she ended up with practically all of my ID (in another bag), computer (worth a few hundred) and piles of other stuff. Not that I can prove it, of course.

Apologies for length...
(Fri 3rd Jul 2009, 7:39, More)

» Buses

First time in San Francisco, 1986
A friend and myself were visiting this fine country for the first time. Unsure of the area and not wanting to get ripped off by the cab drivers, we decided to go by bus to visit a local aquarium as we'd seen the adverts over town - this place had live humpback whales.

So, we get on the bus (the exact change bit caught us by surprise I must say) and sit back for a nice relaxing ride. Sadly another passenger had decided that this was not going to be so and he was sat directly in front of us. His boom-box was emitting what could only be described as ear piercingly loud noise, apparently this was what passed for music in these parts. I asked him to turn it down. He patently ignored my request. So I asked again only for him to turn and look at me as though I'd asked to shag his mother. He gave me "the bird".

Now my friend is the strong quiet type. Not one for putting up with nonsense and knows a thing or two about hurting folk, he decides he's had enough of this and sets about stopping it. Leaning past me he simply pinches the mans neck and the guy drops like a sack of spuds. The music was switched off in a fluid motion as my friend sat back and began to relax. The rest of the bus erupted in applause.
(Sun 28th Jun 2009, 10:28, More)

» IT Support

Building computers for family members is never a good idea...
I once built a computer as a surprise present for my then father in law. I assembled it, partitioned it, clean install of windows 2000, all the patches, all the anti virus, anti malware, the works. Took me two days to do it as I had to get all the patches etc over a dialup connection. But once it was done I was a proud person - it was absolutely bomb proofed, and outside of his doing something really, really stupid would remain pretty safe.

Fast forward 5 months... He wanted to put some more software on it and as I'd set it up so that he ran in a limited user mode (hey, he was doing work that involved peoples contacts etc the law stated it *had* to be locked down as best as could be done or I'd be in the crapper) he wanted the admin password, which I gave to him. No worries thought I...

Two days later I visit to find out that he'd got his other son in law "the professional computer operator" to slap on an unpatched version of XP that was set to auto login to an admin account. I held my tongue on the waste of effort I'd put in, but I was irritated, especially when I examined the result.

Him: Yeah he didn't want to have to sign in every time.
Me: You are aware that he does business on that machine, right?
Him: Yeah, and? So what?
Me: The DPA requires that all reasonable measures have to be taken to secure a machine otherwise the person doing the install can be held liable.
Him: ...
Me: I had that system locked down for a damn good reason, partly so that it couldn't be exploded by random things being installed and partly to cover my own arse.
Him: It doesn't matter, it'll be fine.
Me: It's a £5000 fine for each breach if it isn't. If he's got 20 names and addresses on that system and it gets breached and those details are used fraudulently...
Him: I'll just go and have a word with him...

Cheeky fucker even tried to imply to the father in law that it was somehow my fault as I heard later on.

Computer professional my left nut. Never ever again.

Apologies for length etc
(Wed 30th Sep 2009, 2:43, More)

» Neighbours

A blast from the past...
Not from me, but my long departed (and much missed) Grandad.

Many, many moons ago, my Grandad and his brother Fred were sharing a top floor flat, essentially a large converted loft. Now, this was long before the days of indoor toilets and so as a result if you needed to go, you had to go into the back garden and use the outside toilet. Problem was, it was midnight, it was the middle of winter and my Grandad had no intention of going that far. A bucket was kept for just such an emergency.

Unfortunately, said bucket was full... So my Grandad, ever the utilitarian in such trying circumstances opened the window and threw out the waste water... Which splashed onto the roof which extended over the landlords (a butcher) bedroom. Grandad did his business and thought nothing more of it.

Come the morning both my Grandad and Great Uncle Fred came down to join the butcher for breakfast whereupon the butcher stated loudly:

"It was absolutely pissing it down last night! Did you hear it?"

Ahh I miss him. And the stories of him and my Uncle Fred - those two were I think the best of my family.
(Fri 2nd Oct 2009, 2:07, More)