Profile for Worthless:
Mid-life-crisis-gripped non-ambitious educator whose cynicism grows by the day and has now reached levels beyond industrial.
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Best answers to questions:
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Mid-life-crisis-gripped non-ambitious educator whose cynicism grows by the day and has now reached levels beyond industrial.
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» Cringe!
Other edited lowlights
1. Attending a New Year's party & whilst the female of the house was searching for a CD on all fours, crawling up behind her to get a great view of her (admittedly sumptuous) arse & exclaiming "Dear me, that's fantastic"....
2. Wanking to hotel porn in a hotel room in Northampton at 4am whilst minging with drink, with my best mate in the other bed in the room, and shouting "Come you bastard" at my cock, because it wouldn't work due to the beer. I'm sure the people in the next bedroom were happy...
3. Pulling in Exeter & shagging a woman who was classy enough to at least dismount when she answered the phone call from her boyfriend wondering where she was......
All of which are now stories told with regularity & increasing exaggeration by my mates. The hotel wanking one has been known to last half an hour with minute detail.
EDIT - full version now in reply.
(Fri 28th Nov 2008, 9:01, More)
Other edited lowlights
1. Attending a New Year's party & whilst the female of the house was searching for a CD on all fours, crawling up behind her to get a great view of her (admittedly sumptuous) arse & exclaiming "Dear me, that's fantastic"....
2. Wanking to hotel porn in a hotel room in Northampton at 4am whilst minging with drink, with my best mate in the other bed in the room, and shouting "Come you bastard" at my cock, because it wouldn't work due to the beer. I'm sure the people in the next bedroom were happy...
3. Pulling in Exeter & shagging a woman who was classy enough to at least dismount when she answered the phone call from her boyfriend wondering where she was......
All of which are now stories told with regularity & increasing exaggeration by my mates. The hotel wanking one has been known to last half an hour with minute detail.
EDIT - full version now in reply.
(Fri 28th Nov 2008, 9:01, More)
» Cringe!
Sleepwalking
Dear me, I could fill 10 pages by myself.
Usually drink-related natch.
Around 15 years ago, when imbibed I would tend to sleepwalk, usually (but not always) when looking for the bog. I was at my worst during the period I shared a house with 2 mates.
Amongst other incidents, I climbed into bed with a lad who was staying downstairs on a camp bed, saying I needed to share with him as "The authorities had kicked me out of my bed". The reason for this eviction by officialdom remained a mystery.
But the crowning glory was returning home after yet another unsuccessful night out on the pull to retire to my wanking pit for another night's drink-induced slumber.
One of my housemates HAD pulled though (well he had met her the previous week, this was date 3, but she had come back to the house for the 1st ever time) and he was happily ensconced in the adjacent bedroom to mine.
An hour or so passes & it's time for Worthless to go walkies. I stumbled out of my bedroom door & instead of carrying on straight ahead, I turned left, opened the door and turned on the light.
The happy couple were greeted with the sight of me, a pair of socks, an inane drunken grin & f**k all else.
Well, except my piss-hard-on.
My housemate shouted at me once or twice & eventually turned me round & directed me to the bog, before returning to his new squeeze to explain.
To her eternal credit, she didn't flee, as she may have been entitled to do, they've got two kids now.
No, she laughed like a f**king drain.
Probably because I've got a kid's cock.
*Apologies for socks*
(Thu 27th Nov 2008, 21:05, More)
Sleepwalking
Dear me, I could fill 10 pages by myself.
Usually drink-related natch.
Around 15 years ago, when imbibed I would tend to sleepwalk, usually (but not always) when looking for the bog. I was at my worst during the period I shared a house with 2 mates.
Amongst other incidents, I climbed into bed with a lad who was staying downstairs on a camp bed, saying I needed to share with him as "The authorities had kicked me out of my bed". The reason for this eviction by officialdom remained a mystery.
But the crowning glory was returning home after yet another unsuccessful night out on the pull to retire to my wanking pit for another night's drink-induced slumber.
One of my housemates HAD pulled though (well he had met her the previous week, this was date 3, but she had come back to the house for the 1st ever time) and he was happily ensconced in the adjacent bedroom to mine.
An hour or so passes & it's time for Worthless to go walkies. I stumbled out of my bedroom door & instead of carrying on straight ahead, I turned left, opened the door and turned on the light.
The happy couple were greeted with the sight of me, a pair of socks, an inane drunken grin & f**k all else.
Well, except my piss-hard-on.
My housemate shouted at me once or twice & eventually turned me round & directed me to the bog, before returning to his new squeeze to explain.
To her eternal credit, she didn't flee, as she may have been entitled to do, they've got two kids now.
No, she laughed like a f**king drain.
Probably because I've got a kid's cock.
*Apologies for socks*
(Thu 27th Nov 2008, 21:05, More)
» Family codes and rituals
Bathtime
Leaving the bath water for the next person to use. Well I suppose it was the 70s, and our water was heated by an immersion, so hardly the most efficient method.
Usually there was enough hot left for a top up.
I never seemed to get first go though, I was always bathing in grime, whereas everyone else used to be able to manoeuvre a position to be able to use virgin water.
Perhaps it was because I am the youngest by some margin.
Perhaps it was because I used to regularly piss in it.
(Fri 21st Nov 2008, 10:34, More)
Bathtime
Leaving the bath water for the next person to use. Well I suppose it was the 70s, and our water was heated by an immersion, so hardly the most efficient method.
Usually there was enough hot left for a top up.
I never seemed to get first go though, I was always bathing in grime, whereas everyone else used to be able to manoeuvre a position to be able to use virgin water.
Perhaps it was because I am the youngest by some margin.
Perhaps it was because I used to regularly piss in it.
(Fri 21st Nov 2008, 10:34, More)
» Tightwads
Starting Early
As a teenager, a friend of mine showed that he had been given sound fiscal advice drawn straight from the school of Ebeneezer.
We have all been in the situation where we have taken a few pence from a friend in order to be exact rather than "break" a twenty.
Well, with Paul, the following conversation was typical, rather than unusual. He didn't like breaking into twenties either.
Paul: Can you lend (meaning "give") me 5p?
Me: Why?
Paul: Because I want to buy a half of orange & water and I don't want to break into this twenty p piece
Tight get.
There's the bloke who (in the days of smoking in pubs) used to charge people 2p for using his lighter, but he's another (very long) story & I'm only new, so I'm not pushing my luck....
(Fri 24th Oct 2008, 11:44, More)
Starting Early
As a teenager, a friend of mine showed that he had been given sound fiscal advice drawn straight from the school of Ebeneezer.
We have all been in the situation where we have taken a few pence from a friend in order to be exact rather than "break" a twenty.
Well, with Paul, the following conversation was typical, rather than unusual. He didn't like breaking into twenties either.
Paul: Can you lend (meaning "give") me 5p?
Me: Why?
Paul: Because I want to buy a half of orange & water and I don't want to break into this twenty p piece
Tight get.
There's the bloke who (in the days of smoking in pubs) used to charge people 2p for using his lighter, but he's another (very long) story & I'm only new, so I'm not pushing my luck....
(Fri 24th Oct 2008, 11:44, More)
» Puns
The captain
*true story*
A bloke with a big white beard walked into a cricket ground to watch a cricket match we were about to play.
One of the lads in our team, stood on the balcony, witnessed this & exclaimed "Fucking hell, Captian Birdseye's just walked in"
"Shhh, keep quiet or he might findus"
*NB - this joke works best in a North-eastern accent*
(Fri 6th Mar 2009, 12:04, More)
The captain
*true story*
A bloke with a big white beard walked into a cricket ground to watch a cricket match we were about to play.
One of the lads in our team, stood on the balcony, witnessed this & exclaimed "Fucking hell, Captian Birdseye's just walked in"
"Shhh, keep quiet or he might findus"
*NB - this joke works best in a North-eastern accent*
(Fri 6th Mar 2009, 12:04, More)