» Stuff I've found

A pile of dog shit in the most inconvenient place...
I was with my boyfriend at my parents house when no-one was home. Taking advantage of this rare opportunity, I decided an attempt of seduction and dressed in my sexiest thong and bra for him...
We were upstairs slowly getting to it when I heard the family dogs (3 of the little bastards) barking downstairs. Needing the loo and wanting to shut them up I ran downstairs in my undies as quick as I could.
After shutting the dogs up I quickly ran to the toilet... As I went through the door, I slipped and landed on my back, sliding half way into the bathroom, cracking my head on the floor. Feeling wet, I glanced at the carpet around me and realised that I had slipped in a huge pile of dog shit. It went in a steady flowing line from the heel of my foot all the way up my legs, arse, back, neck and eventually hair - I was covered in shit.
To make matters worse, my boyfriend came down to see what the commotion was about and saw me lying in the stinking mess!
How do you recover from that when you're 18? I had no fucking idea, and tried to get up, slipping a few times, trying not to touch the walls - then approach my boyfriend to try and comfort his concerning and mortified expression - he was backing away from me slowly - I felt like a shit covered freak!
(Thu 13th Nov 2008, 11:13, More)

» Stuff I've found

I thought it was an LSD or something....
When I as younger, it was my ritual to riffle through my older sister's room everytime she left the house for a substantial amount of time... On this particular occassion, I was extra excited as she had just been shopping the day before and in her usual fashion, all the bags were left untouched on the floor of her already messy room.
Once the coast was clear and with my younger sister as lookout, I rummaged high and low until I found something I could temporarily steal...
Then I came across this small blue tablet thing. It seemed as if it was soaked in something - it smelt a bit like a denist surgery, all clinical and such. For some reason I thought it was one of those things you such or let disolve on your tongue and then you get high. So, as any dare-devil 10 year old would, I placed it on my tongue and sucked hard!
The taste was terrible and my gag reflex was in full action, spitting this tiny piece of hell out of my mouth... Feeling like an idiot and with a distasteful grimmace on my face, I continued to rummage, when I stumbled upon more of the little blue tabs within a packet that said 'car air freshner cartridges'.... NICE!
(Thu 13th Nov 2008, 7:44, More)

» Family codes and rituals

Family ritual....
As my Dad got in from work, it used to be an everyday tradition that whoever he saw first HAD to go upstairs to get him a clean T Shirt from his wardrobe. Of course, he couldn't do it himself... (??!!)
So, it left me and my two sisters looking out the window at about 16:45 every afternoon and then hiding somewhere upstairs so we could avoid the task in hand! In fact, it wasn't even hard work or a pain the arse to do, it was just because we were lazy teenagers and didn't especially like doing what our parents told us!
Anyhow, one of us would smell food or feel the urge to urinate and then get caught out.
My Dad knew that we were hiding and would wait, an hour if need be just to get us to get his fuckin T shirt.
But now they live far away and I miss things like that!
(Sat 22nd Nov 2008, 10:56, More)

» Stuff I've found

My teacher having a heart attack in her classroom just before the end of lunch...
Yep, that's right, I did.

She was grabbing her shoulder and making this wierd piercing screaming sound and pushing books off her desk. Which I personally thought was really melodramatic...

Thing is, I didn't really think too much about it at first and used it as an excuse to be naughty - threw my books on the floor, kicked them nice and hard, then walked over to her to help.

Must have been about 10 seconds of me looking at her and being defiant before I actually did anything - and if you think about it, thats actualy quite a long time and is also quite worrying.
(Thu 13th Nov 2008, 17:24, More)

» Stuff I've found

Skid Marks in my Father's pants...
I know, shudder shudder. It was rank. And I think to a certain degree it make me respect him a teeny weeny itsy bitsy fraction less than I had previously.
Sounds drastic I know but there is something about a person who doesn't have the ability to wipe their own arse properly that really gets to me. It's as if it shows incompetance for the most basic tasks.
Urgh...
(Thu 13th Nov 2008, 16:53, More)