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» God
Last year
Me and a mate of mine decided to get out of the hustle and bustle of Moscow for a couple of days and head to a quiet town named Suzdal. To get to Suzdal you need to go first to the city of Vladimir. So, as according to the ways of neccessity we did just that. We arrived fairly late and, after finding a hotel, we decided to have a wander around and see what there was to see.
Along the main street there was a church. If anyone here has been to Russia before you'll know that it's not entirely unheard of to find a church at the side of the street. However, this one was intriguing for two reasons. Number one, it was in the middle of a snowy field. Number two, singing could be heard from within. So, my mate and I slide across the field to said church, and curiosity takes the better of us - we decide to have a little goosey gander within. We enter the church and are delighted to discover that there's a service going on. Neither of us are particularly religious, but it is always entertaining to see old Russian guys chanting ancient verse while waving incense around so we stuck around. After a couple of minutes I became aware of several nearby babushkas giving us slightly angry looks. Nonoplussed we were, as we weren't being noisy or taking pictures - we were simply watching. So, I surveyed the scene a little closer. Suddenly, my mate and I realised what was wrong.
The predominant religion in this fine country in which I have chosen to live, is Russian Orthodoxy. Like all religions, there are certain rules that need to be kept when one is in a place of worship. One such rule is to keep the head covered if you are a female.
I had upon entering the church removed my hat, and had for the last several minutes been standing there, blatantly flouting this rule and openly (but, dear readers, unknowingly) disrespecting the Russian Orthodox religion. I now had two options:
1) Realise my mistake, put my hat on, make a totally insincere but apologetic sign of the cross and placate the babushkas,
2) Inexplicably panic, shout out "SHIT!" (for the record, there is a Russian word which is strkingly similar which means almost exactly the same) in the middle of a crowded church before scrambling to put hat on and dropping it in the process before making a hasty exit.
Guess which one I did?
(Fri 20th Mar 2009, 22:03, More)
Last year
Me and a mate of mine decided to get out of the hustle and bustle of Moscow for a couple of days and head to a quiet town named Suzdal. To get to Suzdal you need to go first to the city of Vladimir. So, as according to the ways of neccessity we did just that. We arrived fairly late and, after finding a hotel, we decided to have a wander around and see what there was to see.
Along the main street there was a church. If anyone here has been to Russia before you'll know that it's not entirely unheard of to find a church at the side of the street. However, this one was intriguing for two reasons. Number one, it was in the middle of a snowy field. Number two, singing could be heard from within. So, my mate and I slide across the field to said church, and curiosity takes the better of us - we decide to have a little goosey gander within. We enter the church and are delighted to discover that there's a service going on. Neither of us are particularly religious, but it is always entertaining to see old Russian guys chanting ancient verse while waving incense around so we stuck around. After a couple of minutes I became aware of several nearby babushkas giving us slightly angry looks. Nonoplussed we were, as we weren't being noisy or taking pictures - we were simply watching. So, I surveyed the scene a little closer. Suddenly, my mate and I realised what was wrong.
The predominant religion in this fine country in which I have chosen to live, is Russian Orthodoxy. Like all religions, there are certain rules that need to be kept when one is in a place of worship. One such rule is to keep the head covered if you are a female.
I had upon entering the church removed my hat, and had for the last several minutes been standing there, blatantly flouting this rule and openly (but, dear readers, unknowingly) disrespecting the Russian Orthodox religion. I now had two options:
1) Realise my mistake, put my hat on, make a totally insincere but apologetic sign of the cross and placate the babushkas,
2) Inexplicably panic, shout out "SHIT!" (for the record, there is a Russian word which is strkingly similar which means almost exactly the same) in the middle of a crowded church before scrambling to put hat on and dropping it in the process before making a hasty exit.
Guess which one I did?
(Fri 20th Mar 2009, 22:03, More)
» God
My life started off somewhat incongruously,
when I was was merely hours old and a group of guys who'd decided to bestow gifts upon me suddenly changed their minds.
Anyway, time went on and my mother told me that I was of a different descent to what I had initially thought. I was disgusted and tried my best to fight against this terrible injustice, putting into play my super graffiti skills (though I wish I'd brought my dictionary).
I fell in love and all that sort of thing, and then came a time where for some inexplicable reason everyone decided that they loved me and that I was the best person to ever wear sandals. This was very odd, especially as just a short time later I ended up hanging from a cross. Of course, I managed to keep it all at bay with my own inimitable humour, leading the crowds in sing-song til the very end.
(Shirley Bindun?)
(Mon 23rd Mar 2009, 22:03, More)
My life started off somewhat incongruously,
when I was was merely hours old and a group of guys who'd decided to bestow gifts upon me suddenly changed their minds.
Anyway, time went on and my mother told me that I was of a different descent to what I had initially thought. I was disgusted and tried my best to fight against this terrible injustice, putting into play my super graffiti skills (though I wish I'd brought my dictionary).
I fell in love and all that sort of thing, and then came a time where for some inexplicable reason everyone decided that they loved me and that I was the best person to ever wear sandals. This was very odd, especially as just a short time later I ended up hanging from a cross. Of course, I managed to keep it all at bay with my own inimitable humour, leading the crowds in sing-song til the very end.
(Shirley Bindun?)
(Mon 23rd Mar 2009, 22:03, More)
» The thing I've been most ashamed of doing with a penis
My mate Adam
Went home for a while recently to visit his family. I'm unsure of the details, but somehow his brother managed to really piss him off. Adam is creative, and he came up with a cunning plan for vengeance. After enjoying a wank, he picked up a cotton bud and very carefully collected a good dollop of jizz. Then, with a steady hand and the skill of a true artist, he transferred the jizz into his brother's tube of toothpaste.
I'm pretty sure he hasn't told his brother about this.
(Fri 13th Mar 2009, 11:16, More)
My mate Adam
Went home for a while recently to visit his family. I'm unsure of the details, but somehow his brother managed to really piss him off. Adam is creative, and he came up with a cunning plan for vengeance. After enjoying a wank, he picked up a cotton bud and very carefully collected a good dollop of jizz. Then, with a steady hand and the skill of a true artist, he transferred the jizz into his brother's tube of toothpaste.
I'm pretty sure he hasn't told his brother about this.
(Fri 13th Mar 2009, 11:16, More)