» Presents

presents
Ill tell you what im getting, as my fiancee is buying me a joint xmas and bday present as my bday is in november, shes getting me an xbox360, so i wasnt allowed it until xmas. my bday comes round and i have a box to open, woohoo im getting my present early i think. turns out shes wrapped up my controller and games and xbox but no wires etc with a note saying wait till xmas!!! her mum has the wires i aint getting them!!
(Sat 28th Nov 2009, 0:15, More)

» Overheard secrets

muder oh shit
the girl living next door to me, is constantly rowing loudly with her boyf and also then loudly shagging him, he sounds like a knob head banging on her door and shouting about her being a slag etc and hes gunna beat her up. she seems to know he has another woman, anyway one day i over hear him threatening her etc and calls her the town bike and threaten her, me being brave steps out into my yard ready to go next door and tell him im sick of hearing him shout in street etc, at which point she shouts "at least i didnt murder that lad in ireland" at which point i leg it inside liek a good brave lad leaving them to argue!
(Fri 26th Aug 2011, 21:53, More)

» Kids say the shittiest things

brothers misery
my neice is 2 but shes very clever and talks very well. she had seen her dad (my bro) getting out of the bath and asked him as young kids do "what is that between your legs?" my brother reacted fast and stupidly and told her it was a worm. cue my neice telling everyone at nursery dad has a little worm. after telling everyone this story embarrased i suggested he told her it was a big snake instead. to which she piped up "im not allowed to lie its naughty"
(Sat 25th May 2013, 1:38, More)

» Kids say the shittiest things

death waits for noone
when i was younger my grandad was in hospital dying. i asked my gran "is he dead yet?" she replied "no son" to which i replied "taking his time isnt he"
(Sat 25th May 2013, 1:30, More)

» Bullshit and Bullshitters

master thief
a lad who worked with me in a wetherspoons was well known for spouting lies when one day he came out with a cracker.
For weeks hed told us how hed travveled round europe with nothing but his guitar, playing his guitar in bars etc making money. fair enough we thought he played teh guitar quite well and could sing a bit. then he told us how hed been recruited in germany by a gang of mafia types who pursueded him to rob a german store a bit like house of fraser here in the uk. eevryone in the rooms face just went into ok heres some grade a bullshit coming mode.
he then told us how he staked out the place and noticed that they had pressure pads on the floor so he placed euros on them to stop them going off, he then broke in through a skylight mission impossible style and landed on the floor. unfortunatly a guard had picked up said coins and he didnt know which were the alarmed floor tiles. he stepped on one, alarms went off and he was arrested but was let off because his gangster friends knew people in the police force.
We all agreed hed had bad luck but at least he wasnt locked up, he agreed and said one day he will go back and do it as it annoys him he has to complete the challenge!!!!
twunt!!
(Sun 16th Jan 2011, 8:03, More)