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» Breasts

I dated a girl with eczema...
Nice breasts, cracking nipples.
(Thu 6th May 2010, 16:56, More)

» Amazing displays of ignorance

Fred, Fred, He's got one leg.
A work colleague's wife could best be described as special. One evening they were discussing another colleague called Fred. Now Fred only had one leg, but that didn't stop him carrying CRT monitors round the office, for he was the tech support. This is a rough transcript of the conversation...

Geoff: "Fred delivered my new PC today"
Marcie: "How did he carry it?"
Geoff: "Erm, under his arm, how did you think?
Marcie: "Dunno"
Geoff: "Fred doesn't let the one leg thing get in the way. Did you know he cycles to work?"

After around a minute digesting this ...

Marcie: "Has he got a unicycle?"
(Mon 22nd Mar 2010, 16:41, More)

» Cunning Plans

Business Plan
1. Break into family garden and kidnap family pet. Better if family has small children

2. Keep pet safe at your home, care for it, but don't feed it too much.

3. Wait for the posters to go up in the neighbourhood offering reward for much lover family pet.**

4. Rub a good handful of mud into kidnapped pet's fur and take back to family.

5. Collect reward money and feel like a hero. Pet receives much love attention and food for a good few weeks and family appreciates them all the more.

6. Present business model on Dragon's Den as a fabulous franchising opportunity.

** if no posters appear, they clearly don't love the pet and should be publibly humiliated in some way that I can't be bothered thinking about right now.
(Tue 10th Jul 2012, 10:17, More)

» Conversation Killers

I've just murdered David Bellamy.
Does that mean I'm a Conservation Killer?
(Fri 13th May 2011, 14:23, More)

» Old stuff I still know

I can still remember that
Sheila Bucklehurst from Wakefield won the beauty contest on the Trophy Bitter advert from the early eighties, because she was on first. I've had a premonition that that will be the 1 million pound question I will be asked when I'm on who wants to be a millionaire. Of course, I may have to actually ring up to get on the show in the first place.
(Tue 5th Jul 2011, 10:49, More)
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