» Hidden talents

I can cum over my own head
as my mum found out when she brought me a cup of tea while I was in bed. I finished shooting yoghurt, shouted at her to fuck off, punched her throat out, downed the cuppa, commando rolled through the bedroom window, landed on next door's cat (which I then rugby kicked into a wheelie bin), got in my Honda Concorde, chuffed a massive line of chong, and burnt serious rubber to get the hell out of there.
(Sat 19th Apr 2014, 6:08, More)

» Control Freaks

Well this escalated slowly.

(Thu 30th Oct 2014, 1:44, More)

» Things you can't unsee...

Can I get a proper motherfucking chevron for motherfucker's sake?

(Fri 27th Feb 2015, 1:35, More)

» Sacked II

father christmas and a postman and a coal delivery man from the 1950s
coz theyv'e all got a sack lol whoop!!!!!!!!:-))))))))))!)!)!))!)!
(Thu 5th Jun 2014, 2:03, More)

» Stupid Colleagues

Moved to the US after Uni...
A southern state, where when the cotton is high, so is half the human population from necking Benadryl. I phoned an ex colleague about some scientific nonsense or other and was going through the initial catching up when I said:

"Yeah, it's going great. Completely stuffed up, though. There's all sorts of plant shit in the air around here."

A bit surprised to get this reply:

"Oh, do they have hayfever in America?"
(Sat 5th Mar 2011, 1:01, More)