b3ta.com user Mind Forged Manacles
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» The B3TA Confessional

Lord of the Flies
...featured conch shells but I have a story about a descent into base and primal instincts that features giant tiger cowry shells.

I once got a third-hand invite to a party in a very well to-do household. In one of the downstairs toilets there were artfully arranged giant cowry shells on the marble floor,positioned so that they sat on their nodules, with their openings facing the ceiling.

Call this one envy but in the presence of such opulence the class warrior in me came out and I made it my mission to eschew the Armatige Shanks and fill up to the brim, every single one of the five conchs in subsequent visits. I did it in surprisingly quick time as it goes, that'll learn those capitalist running dogs! Thankfully I haven't seen them since but you can't dust piss for prints anyway.

Length? Doesn’t matter if you stand close enough!
(Thu 26th Aug 2010, 13:35, More)

» Lies that got out of control

A friend of mine's an accomplished blagger
One night in a hot and loud night club, I see him approach two red hot girls, initiate the full smarm with a view to a double date type situation no doubt. I hung back for a moment as I couldn't really be arsed and I knew all his lines.... so I thought.

But this time he gave me a real hospital ball.

One of the girls then breaks away from the trio, sashays over to me, cranes in above the din and shouts into my ear: "So how long have you been a film cameraman then?" I'm not, never have been, no desire to be, and had not, nor never have, arranged this cover story with my mate before. Dunno why he thought 'delivery driver' wouldn't produce the knicker drop?

Cheers Jason!
(Thu 12th Aug 2010, 23:53, More)