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Profile for An Inflatable Bearded Whumpus:
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» Dodgy boozers

Clearly a great place to pull...
One time, me and my brother wandered into a pretty rough place somewhere in Hoxton, can't remember exactly where or what it was called. You know the sort of place, dirty floor, dirty bar, everyone just trying to get pissed as fast as possible etc. Like Wetherspoons but even mankier.

So, most pubs have a condom dispenser in the gents loos just on the off chance that you get lucky that evening and need protection at short notice. Not this establishment, oh no. Instead of dispensing condoms, the machines in the gents loos dispensed...

...pornographic DVDs. Seriously. I have never since been anywhere where the chances of pulling (or general quality of clientele to be pulled, if you will) was so low that you were better off just heading home for a wank. Pure class, right there.
(Fri 7th Feb 2014, 14:45, More)

» Random Acts of Kindness

Mmm, strawberries
Was once in a traffic jam, with one of those laybys that people sell roadside strawberries in ("freshly picked" and all that) up ahead. Some poor sod who had clearly just bought himself a punnet was stuck in said layby with no-one letting him out into the traffic. Being kind, we decided to let said poor chappie out.
So, he pulls out, and is naturally immediately stationary. With his car stopped we see the driver getting out, and wonder what the hell he's doing. He comes back to our car, taps on the window, and gives up a strawberry each in thanks for letting him out.

Made our day, that did.
(Fri 10th Feb 2012, 12:35, More)

» Unusual talents

I can stick my tounge out and touch my nose
...directly, i.e. not using fingers etc. Does unfortunately result in minor incidence of Wet Face Syndrome.

No, that really is it, no funnies here I'm afraid.

*Wonders how many readers are now attempting this again for the first time since childhood.*
(Thu 18th Nov 2010, 17:35, More)