» Teenage Parties

Check the uniform colour
Was lazing in the hot tub with my mate, in his first rental in Miami. Half a dozen of us there, with enough booze and ganja for a few hours. It was a public hot tub for the complex, and hours posted as "Closed after 10:00 pm".

At 11 or so, the rent-a-cop security guard comes by and tells us to leave. My mate looks at us and says "She does this all the time - she's kewl", and ignores her. She leaves. "She'll be back in an hour or so, we'll leave then" he says.

We smoke another spliff. Another sixer later, she's back. Tells us to leave. My mate replies "We'll be out when we're ready". A male voice replies "Well, if you're not ready right fast, we'll all head downtown to discuss this.".

I turn around and notice that one of them is not in uniform - she's wearing dark blue, and he's wearing tan.

Shite. Miami City cop - not a rent-a-cop.

I stand up very calmly, aplogise to both of them, the rest of us grab our host and the cooler etc, and leave very quickly. I wait til we're back in his apartment and explain to my mate what we just escaped from. Booze = Illegal in hot tub. Ganja = Illegal in city (really). But we left without them confiscating either.

The next time we used the hot tub, we were out of there by 10:01. Never saw her again either.
(Tue 18th Apr 2006, 20:29, More)

» Teenage Parties

Beer and Crisps
While living in Miami Florida, my mate had a birthday party for his (then) 2 year old daughter. His idea of refreshment was a keg, and potato crisps. The party started mid Saturday afternoon, during the summer heat, in the back yard. My mates brother was in a band, and the band setup stage outside, and played for many hours. They were not good, but they were loud.

Well beer and crisps is not particularly settling to the stomach, when its the only offering. And after half a dozen hours of drinking cheap American beer (it was night by then), I was dozing peacefully in the back yard on the only table left outdoors (the party having moved insides due to the cops having visited twice), and awoke to decide that the crisps were on their way out of my stomach.

So I staggered to my feet, walked a few steps towards the nearby fence, leaned over, and deposited several hours worth of beer and crisps into the grass. Feeling better, I returned to the table, and dozed off again.

My mate told me later that one of the female guests walked outdoors the following morning in her bare feet, and of course stepped in my leavings (how did they know it was me?). Squish.

At least, at his next party, he served more substantial food.
(Mon 17th Apr 2006, 6:41, More)

» Teenage Parties

Pot hangover
The worst hangover I have ever had in my life was caused by pot. And it involved nobody getting high.

Me and a mate got together at his place after work, where a couple of the gals that worked with us, who I will call L and S, were going to join us. One of which, L, I was hot for.

Well, I knew that L liked to drink vodka, so I went to the store and got me a liter bottle. The only brand I knew was Smirnoff. And here they were with Smirnoff 180 on sale. 90% alcohol. Perfect.

Got to my mates house with my bottle. Half hour later, L called with her regrets. What happened?

Well, L and S went by L's house to get a spliff. Her stash was so low, they tried to roll one made of sticks and seeds. And as they were trying to get it to light, L's boyfriend got home, detected L getting ready to go out, and put a stop to that.

So she calls, W (my mate) gets the call and breaks the news to me, and that was that. I took a liter mug, filled it half way with Smirnoff, added an equal amount of orange juice, and drank it. Half hour later, repeated the process.

Was sitting on the lounge half an hour after finishing the second mug full, and realised that I couldn't feel anything below my waist. Had W lift my legs up, so I could lie down. A half an hour after that, my pager went off. W had to bring the phone and hold it by my face, cause my arms wouldn't move. I convinced the duty officer at work that the problem that he was calling about could not be fixed that night in any way, that it would have to wait for the next morning (next morning starting in maybe 5 minutes anyway).

I lay on W's lounge all night, unable to move. Perfectly clear headed, but couldn't move anything but my tongue. Nothing came up, I got up about 4 am and drove to work to deal with the last nights emergency.

The hangover (the most splitting headache, and total dehydration, I have ever had) hit shortly after I pulled in at my desk. Learned about the value of tomato juice for hangover relief from a nurse there (I was working at a hospital). I have always kept a couple cans of tj on hand ever since.
(Thu 20th Apr 2006, 6:45, More)

» Teenage Parties

Hallway Climbing & DUI
Went to a party in the colonies, in the bustling metropolis (not) of Richmond Virginia. This being the colonies, mostly what everybody brought was cheap beer, but a few had wine and there was some hard liquor too. The party was sedate enough, til somebody got the idea of making combo punch.

The party was in an old Victorian mansion, with 12 foot high ceilings, and narrow hallways. And only one loo. So the line for the loo tended to be a bit long, particularly after the punch (consisting of a combo of everybodys bringings) was mixed and remixed. So while waiting in line for the loo (in the upstairs hallway), somebody discovered that it was possible to put his back against one wall and his feet against the other, and walk up the hallways towards the ceiling.

This broke up the monotony of waiting for the loo, and pretty soon, a major amount of the party was to be found just under the ceilings, in both the upstairs and downstairs hallway. Then somebody got sick whilst at the top, no it was not I (I don't think so anyway), into somebody's (female of course) hair, in the hallway below.

Well, I had intended to be somewhere else the following afternoon, so I decided eventually to make my way home and there to sober up. And so about 3 am or thereabouts, I made my exit and staggered back to my auto.

It was a hot and humid Virginia night, so I started the engine and opened the sun roof, then opened all of the windows. And decided that, since I could not really see the ignition switch without a bit of fumbling, driving home was not a good idea. So I closed my eyes for a bit, to wait til I could see no more than 2 images in front of me (I was currently seeing 3 to 5 of everything at the time).

Well maybe an hour later, the neighbors called the cops. And I, sitting peacefully in a drunken stupour, awoke to hear "Sir, have you been drinking?". Having heard that it's not good to lie to the cops, I answered "Yes officer, but I have no intention of driving home, I only came out here to sober up in peace" (as much peace as could be had a block from the chaos ensuing from the party still in progress). And the cop informed me that sitting behind the wheel as I was, with the key in the ignition (and the bell beeping at me), I could be cited for DUI.

So he permitted me to carefully remove the key from the ignition, place it on the floor behind the drivers seat, and crawl into the passengers seat. And he implied that he would be back every hour or so to check up on me, and he had better not find me behind the wheel again, or he would have no choice but to cite me.

So I remained in the passenger seat for several hours, until sunrise actually, and my vision having improved (and the cop never returned), I started the engine and drove home very carefully. I had my eye on the rear view mirror constantly, because I was certain that the cop was waiting around every corner, every block til I got home. Of course he had many better things to do, so he never returned. The wanker.

Customary apology for length.
(Mon 17th Apr 2006, 6:23, More)

» Breakin' The Law

Sleeping in my car
Oh yes, one time I went to a very long and loud party near the local uni, where I left early cause I had to work the next day (yeah right). I staggered out the door and did manage to make it to my car without falling down.

I knew there was not a chance in hell though that I could drive all the way home like that so decided to sit in the car for an hour or so til I could see straight. It was a warm night so I started the engine, and opened the roof and windows to let some air in. Then turned off the engine and passed out.

I was very peacefully dreaming (with the party in full force down the block) when someone asked me quite calmly "Sir, have you been drinking?"

I woke up and looked at the policeman asking me the question, and had to tell the truth "Yes, I have but I am sitting here til it is safe for me to go home so I can go to work in a few hours".

He pointed out to me that sitting behind the wheel (even with the engine off) I could be arrested for DWI, and made me take the keys out of the ignition and climb into the back seat where I sat for several hours just sure that those buggers were parked just around the corner waiting to see if I was stupid enough to try driving away too soon.

Finally just as the sun was coming up I decided I was safe to drive, went home and to bed. Called in sick too.
(Fri 9th Jan 2004, 20:35, More)