» School Naughtiness

Does uni count as school?
If so then the worst thing I ever did (and this remains one of the few things in my life that I'm truly ashamed of) was in my third year. I've never told anyone about it, not even my closest mates so I suppose this is as good a place as any to confess that I once used someone's death to get a week's extension on some coursework.

Put simply, by my third year of uni I had lost any remaining interest in my course (should have switched after year 1 in all honesty) and was struggling to stay awake - let alone focussed - in lectures and tutorials. By the time we came back after Christmas break I was already starting to fall behind and was in very real danger of losing the plot.

One particularly tough piece of work which I should have made some headway on long before was due in at the end of the coming week and I hadn't even started the thing. So when I got word that a lad I barely knew - but had been in my year at high school - had been killed in a car crash I saw a golden opportunity.

The next day I put on my best shell-shocked face and went to see my tutor, to explain how devastated I was that one of my closest friends from home had been killed. I spoke about how I'd spent time with him over Christmas, how I'd just spoken to him a few nights before and how we were going to meet up for the weekend at the end of the month. I hardly knew him at all, if anything I'd always thought he was an annoying twat but by the end of that meeting you would have thought we were blood brothers.

And my tutor bought it. As a result I was excused all classes for the next week (compassionate leave, if you will) and given extensions on all outstanding coursework. So I went home, locked myself in the flat for a week and worked like an absolute bastard. Scored quite highly on the piece, too.

Sorry about that, Brian.
(Tue 13th Sep 2011, 21:50, More)

» School Naughtiness

Hardly earth-shattering, but a handful of reminisces...
I was a pretty studious, boring sod during my time at school - a bit of a teacher's pet basically. So when it came to picking a pupil to be responsible for the tuck shop in primary 5 (Tangy Toms, 5p per wee bag) I was the obvious choice. Unfortunately the temptation was there and I gave into it. Put simply, I was skimming off a pretty hefty amount into my own pocket, because I thought I'd get away with it. How naive... I was fine for several days, until both the head AND the parish priest (this being a Catholic school) turned up at the door one evening and a right royal bollocking from the parentals followed.

My enterprising younger self then, in primary 7 banded a small group of pupils together to make and sell Teenage Mutant Hero Turtle bookmarks. For 12 year olds we'd made quite a decent amount before we were herded into the head's office for an introduction to something called "copyright infringement". Using the school office photocopier to produce our bookmarks without chipping in for the costs probably didn't help matters. Cue a run-in with the folks when I got home, too.

On the plus side, I should be grateful that with the whole Catholic school thing and my compulsory Sunday job as an altar boy (where I spent my time eating communion wafers, glugging the blood of Christ on the sly and making dripped wax sculptures) the only sore arse I ended up with was due to my old man's belt.

I'll leave it to my good friend chinaman to tell you about our "underground" magazine in secondary school...
(Sun 11th Sep 2011, 20:46, More)