When I was 15I used to play pool for a pub side on Monday nights. I didn't get on with the pub captain, who wouldn't select me to play for the side, despite the fact that I used to be pretty much the best player there. I turned up week after week, each time he'd say 'Come back next week, you'll get a game'.
One week, I'd had enough.
I went to the british pool association's website, copied their logo, and forged a letter from them saying that as I was clearly a more advanced player, he as captain was obliged to pick me otherwise the team would face expulsion from the league.
I posted this to my uncle in London, and got him to post it back to the pub, so that it would have a London postmark.
The captain and landlord both believed it, and after threatening me, the captain wrote back (to the fake address that I specified, as well as a copy to me) about 5 pages of extremely small text about what a crap player I was.
I then wrote back, again pretending to be the British Pool association, saying that I had tape recorded conversations that proved that I was telling the truth. Unless the captain made a complete and full apology the team would be kicked out of the league. He half apologised, but refused to pick me.
Content that I'd made a big enough tit out of him, I then sent him a letter from the British pool association saying that due to a technical error, they had accidently sent several pages of made up bollocks to him, and so he shouldn't have believed any of the previous letters...
He was fucking spare. He then got drunk, challenged me to the best of 3 at pool, I won 2-1. best of 3 became best of 5, which I won 3-1. I left it at that...
(One week, I'd had enough.
I went to the british pool association's website, copied their logo, and forged a letter from them saying that as I was clearly a more advanced player, he as captain was obliged to pick me otherwise the team would face expulsion from the league.
I posted this to my uncle in London, and got him to post it back to the pub, so that it would have a London postmark.
The captain and landlord both believed it, and after threatening me, the captain wrote back (to the fake address that I specified, as well as a copy to me) about 5 pages of extremely small text about what a crap player I was.
I then wrote back, again pretending to be the British Pool association, saying that I had tape recorded conversations that proved that I was telling the truth. Unless the captain made a complete and full apology the team would be kicked out of the league. He half apologised, but refused to pick me.
Content that I'd made a big enough tit out of him, I then sent him a letter from the British pool association saying that due to a technical error, they had accidently sent several pages of made up bollocks to him, and so he shouldn't have believed any of the previous letters...
He was fucking spare. He then got drunk, challenged me to the best of 3 at pool, I won 2-1. best of 3 became best of 5, which I won 3-1. I left it at that...
Rusty Shackleford www.junt.co.uk / @joeyrobbo,
Wed 22 Oct 2003, 0:21,
archived)