NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 157: "BADLY-DRAWN WANK"
This Week:
* INTERVIEW - Winner or Sinner bloke
* HOAX - Quo tattoos
* PORN - Badly-animated wank
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____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ |
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web... together"
B3ta email 157 - 5 Nov 2004
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue157/
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: HUMAN ZOO
Winner or Sinner interview
London readers will know the Winner or Sinner
guy. He stands about Oxford Circus preaching
the word of God to disinterested commuters.
B3ta correspondent Kirk Rutter has done the
unthinkable, and approached him for an
interview. If reading this doesn't make you
accept Jesus as your Lord and saviour then
nothing will.
http://www.b3ta.com/interview/winnerorsinner/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Flowers, Status Quo and kitten-shooters
>> I love you, la la la la <<
Rob has spent the week thinking about love and
flowers, and what flowers would sing if they
could sing love songs. The end result is like
the Teletubbies speaking in tongues, or a
70s French Eurovision entry. Result.
http://robmanuel.blogspot.com/2004/11/la-la-la-la-...
>> Hoax Status Quo tattoo <<
Chobb is a queer fish. He's been getting his
kicks from posting photoshopped tattoos on
UK old-codger-rockers Status Quo's messageboard
to convince the fans of his commitment to Quo.
We're actually rather impressed and would like
Chobb to tattoo the horse one on his back
for real. It's 100% pure rock.
http://snipurl.com/af1o
>> Kitten shooter <<
We've seen a few kitten games in our time
at b3ta. From Stab The Space-Kitten to
Clay Kitten Shooting, we've been there, done
that. Pippy has made a great update on the old
theme by combining Time Crisis and er... kittens
to make entertainment gold.
http://pip.rubberfeet.org/stuff/band.html
>> Ruler organ <<
Last week we asked you to make a musical instrument
based on flicking rulers, Davideo has come up trumps
and writes, "I am totally bored out my head here."
So if you've got any other ideas you want to do,
maybe you should get in touch directly...
http://www.northwestcustoms.co.uk/images/resource/...
>> Spanner kittens <<
Joel has two obsessions: spanners and kittens,
and finally he's brought them together in this
3D spazmatazz of goodness.
http://www.rathergood.com/spanners/
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Feeling Old
Last week we wanted to know what had made you
feel old recently:
http://b3ta.com/questions/feelingold/
Here are some confessions of the aging that
we've anonymised for their own good:
* I was hanging out the washing and suddenly
thought to myself, "I could do with a peg-bag."
* I don't want a party for my next birthday:
I want socks and hankies for my next birthday.
* I just took my cousin to the park, and people
thought I was her mum. I'm 17.
* I no longer have control over when I choose
to break wind: it just happens. I farted loudly
at a funeral.
* You wake up and think "what shall I do today?
I know, I'll have a bonfire!"
* I just spent an hour in Marks & Spencer's
deciding on a nice new jumper for work.
* When I sit on my sofa I go: "Oooooooooohhhhh."
* When you're looking at some young lady splaying
herself and you can't work out if she's actually
of legal age, or if you should be erasing the
contents of your cache forthwith and hiding under
the bed in case the cops turn up.
>> This Week's Question <<
What obscure memorabilia do you own? Does it bore
your friends rigid?
http://b3ta.com/questions/memorabilia/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> Listening blender <<
This is a peculiar little project. You control
a blender by making noises at it. The
accompanying video of a woman roaring at it to
make it spin wouldn't look out of place with
Björk in the lead role.
http://snipurl.com/af1n
>> Poorly-drawn porn corner <<
It's a Flash sequence of a man masturbating.
Not the usual kind of thing to float our
boat, but here massive technical incompetence
is married to an absolutely obsessive
observation of male masturbatory mannerisms.
The result is so utterly shit it's almost
like art. Almost.
http://www.allthingsflash.com/Jackin_Man.swf
>> Mystery object quiz <<
A classic idea, but still effective. Can you
guess the object from the enigmatic
close-up photography?
http://puzzlephotos.blogspot.com/
>> Sad, sweet montage song <<
We like this; the geezer took loads of little
video clips with his camera and layered them all
together with melancholy singing. Nice voice,
lovely imagery, hugely shaggy eyebrows.
http://www.aviola.com/the_sad_song.html
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: THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO AAHH
Smiling Stingray
After you've done kittens, monkeys, hedgehogs
and skunks where do you go next for your fix
of cute?
Underwater. Yep. There's cute to be found in
the aquatic.
If this grinning stingray doesn't put a smile
on your face then you really should get out
more.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/neb/725198/
BTW: What's the cutest thing you've seen on
the web recently? Tell us.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
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B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the 'Make Us Smile' Challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Last week we wanted stuff that makes us happy
and smiley:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/happy/
We asked B3ta boarder 'mike woz ere' to judge the
entries - here are his 3 faves.
'mike woz ere' writes -
#1 "Politics?! - So, it made me smile. Then
laugh. Then watch it again and again.
(100% kitten)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/3901941
#2 "Spack like you mean it! - GrandmaofShoes
likes spacking, and I like watching. Top
efforts! (GrandmaOfShoes)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/3886578
#3 "Argh the hilarity! - If pictures were
cocks and I had to be gay over the internet,
I'd choose you every time. First one to make
me 'lol.' (Beau Bo d'Or)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/3883616
A special mention for Scary Mary. Loverly,
just loverly. A lasting smile."
http://www.b3ta.com/board/3896376
>> This Week's Challenge <<
This week, B3ta contributor 'feckless phil' gave
us the suggestion "Tramp Traps."
http://b3ta.com/challenge/tramptraps/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* WEEBL vs. BRIAN BLESSED - Jonti writes, "Brian
Blessed is confirmed for the Weebl and Bob
documentary narration. I'm so happy I could
die."
* NICECUPOFTEA INTERVIEW FRENZY - Wifey gushes,
"We did 8 interviews yesterday - it's all
very mad. Stu's on London Tonight tomorrow,
and Vanessa Feltz, The other mad thing we've
done is an interview for the Sunday Times
'a day in the life...' They came to do the
photos, and we made them do all of them in
the shed. Which was nice..."
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: FRIDAY GAME
Road blocks
The aim of the game is to get the ball onto the
pulsating red blocks by smacking into walls.
Then everything falls down. It starts off
incredibly easy but swiftly progresses to levels
of eye-knackering complexity. Kept us off the
streets for a few hours anyway.
http://www.freeaddictinggames.com/
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include:
* A PRINTER - that works in reverse, so we get
all our blank paper back and it refills ink
cartridges as it goes.
* AN AMNESTY - between man and elephant. Why
can't we all just forgive and forget?
* YOU - yep you. Make something cool and send
it in to us. Animations, games and real-world
weirdness make us happy.
Send contributions via the mail form.
http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Links sent in by Thickey, Spazdor, Mongdonkey,
mleikvol, rancid_cabbage and HappyRapist92.
The last few weeks' links sent in by: Jane,
Julian Holtom, TehHebrew, M.Hodgson, jazzpotato,
Zog, prodigy69, catachresis, Nathan Griffiths,
Kakamilk and kao_cao. Belated wooyays to all.
Top Tippery by Coctail.
Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
Board research by Fnord.
Image challenge handled by Mystery Bob.
Proofing by the b4tas for Bush. (78141)
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TOP TIP:
Caught short suddenly running out of shaving
gel? Just run the can under the hot tap for a
little while. The heat will repressurise the can
enough to get just enough gel out for another
shave. Or just use washing-up liquid like we do.
