NEWSLETTER: MARMOT ON TOAST
This Week:
* UKIP - does the Shipping Forecast
* NOEL - Gallagher on Oasis vids
* HENRY KELLY - in his own words
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B3ta email 616 - 24 Jan 2014
Drokk this newsletter up something nasty:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue616
Pingu : [email protected]
Bingu : [email protected]
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
>> First playthrough of Prophet Quest <<
Reviewer Jason Basquette (aka somegreybloke)
gets to grips with a new game that lets you
experience what it must be like to found your
own religion.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1127834
>> Beard? <<
Beard! Beard? Beard! That's all, according
to williamandrews
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Beard:3
>> Mating Dance <<
"Hot stuff," writes Butters. Grotesque, but
oddly mesmerising.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Mating_Dance
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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Bad Smells
Last week we asked for your smelliest stories.
These ones reeked:
http://b3ta.com/questions/smells/
* GUFF LOVE - "You know that thing where you can
stand the smell of your own guffs, but not
other people's? So you can drop the most
rancid Guinness fart in the world and sit
there quite happily while everyone else is
retching?
"Once at work, I popped into the loo to strain
my greens and was greeted by the smell of a
previous occupant's sit down visit. What
utterly freaked me out was that although the
farty smell was clearly not my own, I could
quite happily stand to smell it. It smelled
like I'd done it. I'd unwittingly stumbled on
my very own guffleganger. I am to this day a
little disturbed by the incident."
(mictoboy)
* FROG HOLOCAUST -"If the school caretaker forgets
about the bowl of tadpoles you put on the
nature table when he closes the school for
Easter break, they tend to die. After 2 weeks,
this creates a smell so odious and vile that
the first girl into the classroom at the start
of the new term will almost immediately vomit
all over the floor.
"The next girl in can now smell dead tadpoles
and vomit, and so a chain reaction of puking
begins. 6 girls sent home, 4 classrooms closed
for 2 days until the smell went away and one
caretaker reprimanded for allowing the
tadpoles to stay there and stink up the place."
(Smash Monkey)
* DUTCH OVEN - "A friend of mine, L, has been
seeing her other half, R, since long before I
knew her. On one occasion, she was telling a
group of us a story about the first time she
and he went camping. R is lactose intolerant;
the merest exposure to lactose means that he's
generating foul stenches from his behind for
hours.
"Unbeknownst to either of them, R had eaten
something with milk in it at some point in the
evening. His insides were beginning to bubble
just as he and L turned in for the night. 'I
don't believe in any of that race-memory or
collective unconscious stuff,' L said, 'but I
am Jewish; and there I was, in a dark,
confined space, slowly being gassed...'"
(Enzyme)
>> This Week - LITTLE MOMENTS OF JOY <<
What's made you smile recently? We could do
with cheering up:
http://b3ta.com/questions/momentsofjoy/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
>> UKIP Shipping Forecast <<
Beautiful work, as the chap's delivery is so
spot on.
http://goo.gl/MKEr0B
>> Traveling in a Boeing 747 in the 70s <<
The 70s was very much the golden age of air
travel, according to these amazing pictures.
Even the economy seats seem to have had an
extra 3m or so of headroom. Extraordinary.
http://goo.gl/wAOgLf
>> Fake signs in London underground <<
Old-school, but good. Guerrilla art project
puts up legitimate-looking but sarcastic
stickers over the top of existing London
Underground information signs.
http://fotozup.com/fake-signs-in-london-undergroun...
>> Craigslist mirrors <<
Bloke scours the auction sites for pictures of
mirrors. In case it's not obvious, the real
interest is in what the keen vendor has
accidentally allowed to be reflected in the
product pictures.
http://craigslistmirrors.com/
>> Man chest-Spanx <<
T-shirts that claim to squeeze your unslightly
man-belly into muscular shapes pleasing to the
eye. Hmm. Seems legit.
http://theflatteringman.com/
>> Who is Henry Kelly? <<
Affable daytime TV personality Henry Kelly
tells us about himself via the medium of "Going
for Gold" clues.
http://whoishenrykelly.tumblr.com/
>> Me and my Spectrum <<
Sweet, nostalgic site - children of the 80s
pictured with their ZX Spectrums. Warning: May
contain excessive 1980s haircuts
http://meandmyzxspectrum.tumblr.com/
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
>> Noel Gallagher rips the piss out of old Oasis vids <<
Always good value, the older Gallagher brother,
here in DVD commentary form.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1126578
>> Weird cat <<
Skip to 0:17 for the lolz. Odd trope - so many
cat videos are in portrait format. Don't know
why that might be, just an observation.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/weird_cat
>> Stop-motion dystopian sci-fi <<
Amazing bit of work, apparently made by one
person over the course of four years. NSFW due to
monster dong.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1125650
>> YouTube Comment Reconstruction #6 <<
We really love these - two Shakespearian actors
re-enact a comment storm on the YouTube vid
"Soccer Player Accidentally Slaps A Referee's
Boobs" - and there's more than a hint of
Shakespeare about the language, somehow.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/1126791
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Zero Gravity Challenge
Last week we asked you to celebrate
weightlessness
Your favourites included:
* SMUG: croissant-chewing man meme floats
further afield (Ya Wahat?)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11049547
* WEEEEEE: monochrome spaceman locates orbit and
hovers with hoover (amoebaboy)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11049519
* TRIGGER: classic comedy caper sees departed
thespian thwarted (HappyToast)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11049784
All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/zero-gravity/
>> New challenge: Putin's Olympics <<
The Winter Olympics are almost here, and if
Vladimir Putin had his way he'd win every medal
himself. So this week's challenge is ridicule
him, and his silly Winter Games.
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/putin/
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Dingos ate my baby: [email protected]
Ringo's ate my baby: [email protected]
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
kindly smiles from David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by
joetotale, PhosphorBurnedEyes, sinisterduck, taters,
Tupperware Box Full of Angry Bumble Bees, H.B.Mupps,
bill g christmas, Finite
Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
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TOP TIP:
Look. Here:
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/toptips/
