NEWSLETTER: SCRATCH 'N' SNIFF EDITION
This Week:
* GOATS - Amazing game trailer
* GRAPHS - What's good on TV?
* CLASS - your top tales of posh privilege
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B3ta email 625 - 28 Mar 2014
Read this newsletter on the Inter-net
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue625
Sub : [email protected]
Snub : [email protected]
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: SPONSORED LINK
Cilla Black iPad cover
Jesus wept the shit that's on Amazon. Jesus
fucking wept.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B007R4LKJ...
>> Sponsor B3ta <<
Want this space? Then talk to us.
http://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Hang the Rich, Penguins and Gayness
>> Now you can string up Gidiot and Dave! <<
The dangly bit fallen off your bathroom light
switch? Replace them with a little effigy of a
Tory overlords, why not? "At long chuffing
last," grins creator Harry Webshiter
https://www.etsy.com/shop/HungParliament
>> Penguin vs String - Translation <<
We've all seen the funny vid where penguins
can't jump over a bit of string string - Slurpy
J has a translation of what's *really* going
on. "All hail Richard!"
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Penguin_vs_String_Transl...
>> Keith Jarrett: 'Gay Poem'. <<
"Here's a video what I made with very talented
poet Keith Jarrett," explains
richardtyronejones. "A straight-acting poet
writes a poem that turns out much camper than
he expected - at first he's unhappy with his
creation and how it jars with aspects of his
Caribbean culture but comes to terms with it,
as the film becomes increasingly more pink..."
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Keith_Jarrett_Gay_Poem
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: LOOK! - IT'S QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Class
Hello. Remember us? We're terribly posh:
http://b3ta.com/questions/class/
* LAND - "A friend at the Inland Revenue was
enjoying a drink in Kensington public house
with colleagues from a wide variety of social
backgrounds. They were discussing films, in
particular Nil By Mouth. One of the workers
said that they'd enjoyed the film but mainly
because it was shot on location on his estate.
At which point a young, nice, dim, old money
with title says, "Oh, how marvellous! How many
acres?"
(d.r._and_quinch)
* FAKE - "One of my friends is terribly posh.
Let's call her Clarabelle. I bought a new winter
coat, which was rather nice, but had some fake
fur on it. 'Belle looked at it and her patrician
nose wrinkled up even further. Then she said,
"It's not that you don't look lovely, darling.
It's just that - I'm morally opposed to fur
that isn't real."
(rachelswipe)
* RIS - "Putting my pound into the trolley at
Morrisons when I saw two women with a three year
oldish girl between them. An idyllic scene until
one of the lardees says to the girl, "Say,
'Auntie Jean is a fucking slag,' go on, say it."
Followed by the poor child having a go at the
Auntie Jean-based abuse. I tutted until I felt
dizzy."
(Helikaon)
>> This Week - PETTY OFFICIALS <<
Bob de Bilde says: A traffic warden threatened
to call the police and have me arrested because
"It's illegal to take photos in the street. You
might be a paedophile". I was taking a picture
of a funny street sign, over which I had no
plans to masturbate. Tell us about petty
officials talking bollocks:
http://b3ta.com/questions/pettyofficials/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
>> The awesome illustration of Robin Davey <<
Deceptively simple, beautifully colourful and
subtly animated - this is lovely stuff.
http://robindavey.co.uk/
>> TV programmes' rise and fall <<
Has Mad Men got better over time? How about
more popular? What about Game of Thrones? These
graphs explain all.
http://graphtv.kevinformatics.com/
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: USVSTH3M
Things we've made and hope you like
* BRIAN'S BRAIN presents WROD - one simple
question: are these words spelled correctly?
Oh, and there's a time limit.
http://games.usvsth3m.com/wrod/
* HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW ME? Make your own quiz
and see if your friends really *do* know you as
well as you think.
http://games.usvsth3m.com/how-well-do-you-know/
* CYBERBULLIED BY LOUISE MENSCH. "It happened
to me!" explains social media bellend Ed
Jefferson.
http://usvsth3m.com/post/80972333347/it-happened-t...
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: VIDEO SCHMIDEO
>> The only ad you'll ever need <<
The world's most generic ad neatly spears the
most egregious cliches of today's tech TV spots.
http://mashable.com/2014/03/25/generic-brand-ad/
>> Dark, smalltown animated comedy <<
Nasty little animated LOLs - and a pilot for a
potentially longer series.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Mr_Pickles_Pilot
>> Official Trailer for Goat Simulator <<
Sure, you might think Goat Simulator is a
one-joke game but this official trailer is
unexpectedly... moving?
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Official_Trailer_for_Goa...
>> Armando Iannuccis' corporate joke presentation <<
The legendary funnyman talks you through a
typical corporate gig.
http://www.b3ta.com/links/Armando_Iannuccis_corpor...
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the Heavy Metal Challenge
Last week we wanted you to rock us like
a hurricane
Your favourites included:
* KRANKIE: freakish Scots duo swap boards
for rock damnation (benito vaselini)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11067651
* KITTIE: long-haired metal dude rocks
splendid cat head (HappyToast)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11067386
* KRAZY: Midlands rock goliath meets
enigmatic renaissance lady (Q4nobody)
http://www.b3ta.com/board/11068296
All these images, and the highest as voted by
you can be found here:
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/heavy-metal/
>> New challenge: FIRE! <<
One-word challenge: Fire! This week's
task is to celebrate the world of
conflagration and combustion, from the
Great Fire to forest fires to fire
breathing. Fire!
http://www.b3ta.com/challenge/fire/
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Xbot: [email protected]
Ybot: [email protected]
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THANKS:
This issue was written by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson. Stuff sent in by sinisterduck,
Jimbotfu, Ol' Ginger Bastard, augsav, jamtallons.
Image challenge by Fraser Lewry.
Mike Trinder is QOTW bloke.
Top tip via boarders.
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TOP TIP:
Paying too much for your electricity? Wire all
your appliances back to front, that way the
stupid electricity company will have to pay you.
Yay!
