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NEWSLETTER: "IT'S NOT A LETTER AND IT DOESN'T CONTAIN NEWS"

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This Week:
* YORE COMPUTER - Wallow in old computer mags
* STAR WARS VS DISNEY - The truth!
* QUIZ - Judging books from their cover

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We apologise once again     
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ | for saving the web, sorry
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|    sorry and sorry." 

B3ta email 680  - 2nd June 2018

Read this issue via the website b3ta dot com
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue680 

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: GOOD NEWS 
  Site back, Back! BACK!

  B3ta dot com is mostly back after the fucking
  disastrous Hetzner hosting issue. They had a
  power surge which fried the hard disk. Yes of
  course we had backups but we had to rebuild on
  a new machine which took time, and we're still
  working through issues.

  But the positive is that we've moved to HTTPS
  (woo) and we're on a server that's twice as
  fast.

  So let's get on with a newsletter, ok children?

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: YORE COMPUTER
  A bot that post random pages of old mags

  Your newsletter editor Rob has been reading old
  computer mags again and cooked up a bot that
  picks random pages and posts them up on Twitter
  in the hope odd bits of serendipity happen. And
  it does.
https://twitter.com/yorecomputer

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Social media is a fruit machine where if you win,
you win 1000s of worthless likes, and if you
lose, you lose your job.

-------------------------------------------------

: BUY SOME FUCKING TROUSERS
  Sponsored patreon

  Hebtro make awesome trousers. And they're made
  by some old newsletter contributors in the UK.
  You should buy all your trousers there. Even
  extra trousers for your trousers.
https://hebtro.co/

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: STAR WARS VS DISNEY
  Taking the mickey 
  
  Photoshop legend S4RK has made a comment on the
  Disneyfication of the Star Wars films and it
  truly is a thing of wonder - so much work. 
https://www.b3ta.com/links/Star_Wars_vs_Disney

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: SENDING UPSIDE CRUCIFIXES TO GOVERNMENTS
  Because that's normal

  Spellingmistakescostlives writes, "The Bavarian
  govt just brought in a law that all state
  buildings have to display a cross in public, so
  I sent a crucifix 'from' the prime minister to
  each of the buildings, but with the hook
  swapped to the bottom of the cross so it hangs
  upside down."
https://www.spellingmistakescostlives.com/kreuzpflicht

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Your Twitter crush has you on mute.

-------------------------------------------------

: BOOK COVER QUIZ
  Monkeon is back with his quiz heroin

  They say you can't judge a book by its cover,
  but can you tell which books are the same book
  but with different covers? BTW: We've always
  thought it weird that book publishers dick
  around with covers so much whereas LP covers
  are considered much less changeable. 
http://www.monkeon.co.uk/bookcoverconcentration/

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Doctor: "This has to stop. Swallowing chocolates
whole and then sticking your finger down your
throat until you vomit them up is a disease."

Heather Smalls from the M People: You gotta
search for the hero inside yourself.

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: NEED PR? BEST CALL ED
  Sponsored patreon

  "I'm Ed Zitron and I'm running the best PR
  company in the world - and I've been reading
  B3ta for 15 years so have sponsored them."
  Thank you Ed. You're the BEST. And you have
  100k followers on Twitter. Which is pretty
  impressive, can we borrow some?
https://twitter.com/edzitron


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: ONE LETTER CELEBRITY NAME CHANGE CHALLENGE
  Image challenge results 
 
  Two weeks ago we asked you to change one letter
  in a celeb name to make a bit of a joke - and
  it went quite well as we had over 170 entries.
  It's worth just reading from the top, some of
  them are harder to get than others but it's
  quite rewarding.   
https://www.b3ta.com/challenge/onelettercelebritynamechange/popular/


  >> This week: farming films << 
  Now we want you to muck around with films and
  add the theme of farming. Of course.
https://www.b3ta.com/challenge/farmfilms/popular/


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Doctor: "If you continue to gorge on Lindt
chocolates you'll get diabetes. I've arranged for
the nurses to hide your stash."

Hue from the Hue & Cry: "I'll never stop looking,
never stop looking for Lindor." 

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: KIDS TELL JOKES
  Jokes written by kids

  * why does the crow laugh beacause they are mad
  ha ha ha I am also mad

  * What do you get when you cross a t-rex and a
  chicken nothing but death

  * who is the old man that have six eyes it is
  you

  * who is fool in the world? everyone is

  * what did the colour orenge say to the fruit
  orenge ? im calling the cops cose you stole my
  name

  * why wolves howl? because they have no idea
  what are they doing

  * what is the best part of bread... bread
https://twitter.com/KidsWriteJokes

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: TWATTER
  Sponsored patreon

  Kevin Prescott has made a very alarming
  alternative to Twitter called Twatter and wants
  you to look at it - he's called it an
  "anti-social network" but is up for better
  ideas of what he could do with the URL if you
  have any ideas.
https://www.twatter.com/


-------------------------------------------------

: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we liked, handily pre-clicked for you

  * YOUR EDITOR MADE A JOKE ON TWITTER AND KERRY
  KATONA ENDING UP SINGING IT - there's something
  about writing up Twitter jokes as articles that
  always makes people sound like utter morons
  "When Rob Manuel realised Pret sells pretzels,
  he was very excited"
https://bit.ly/2sAEG8K


  * JUST LOOK AT THESE CORNER CUPBOARDS - people
  are sharing their innovative corner cabinets
  and it's sorta interesting. 
https://imgur.com/t/corner_cabinet


  * MICK DADDER - Mick Jagger leaving dorky dad
  comments on his teenage son's Instagram posts
  is very relatable. Actually feel a little bit
  sorry for Mick here - he's reaching out to his
  son and he doesn't know what to say.
https://twitter.com/dpatrickrodgers/status/1001899028425080832


  * POUNDLAND DUNKING ON THAMESLINK IS FUNNY -
  get the feeling that Poundland's social media
  can do what the hell they like as their parent
  company is in financial woe.
https://twitter.com/TheStuffOfMemes/status/1001869394983743489


  * TWITCH STREAMING 500 EPISODES OF OLD DOCTOR
  WHO - turns out that watching TV with a 90s
  style internet chatroom happening at the same
  time is exactly what people want to do.
  Brilliant.
https://www.twitch.tv/directory/game/Doctor%20Who


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: THINGS THAT LOOK LIKE GOATSE CORNER
  A restaurant logo in San Francisco

  They must know. They must surely know.
https://bit.ly/2J8NlKN


-------------------------------------------------

: COPYWRITER WANTS JOB
  Sponsored patreon

  One of our sponsorships slots has been taken by
  Josh, who writes: "A good friend of mine is
  looking for a decent job doing good copywriting
  for someone who's not a cunt. I've not told him
  I'm going to do this but how would you feel
  about plugging him in the newsletter? His name
  is Thom Wong."
https://allknown.info/

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS
  The people who make it all happen

  *JOSH MCMILLAN* *AARON HOLMES* *TOM JENKINS
  BATES* *JON GRANT* *SHOWRAT * *SIMON JAMES*
  *TREVOR BURTON-MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY*
  *KATE * *JAMES PETTS* *STEWART NOLAN* *BRYAN
  PEACOCK* *MARK MCCREADIE* *ALEX MORRIS* *JAMES
  O'BRIEN*

  ANDREW WREN, JAMES CRONIN, ALISTAIR , IAN
  SHEEN, NEIL HEPBURN, MARK ADAMSON, ANDREW
  FLEMMING, ALAN CHARLTON, SPAZZCAPTAIN , WENDY
  GOODE, JAIMIE VANDENBERGH, CHRIS BLAKENEY,
  BEVAN JOHNSON, CRISS MORENO, JO APPS, CHRIS
  LOCKE, ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, GREG MCGOWAN,
  RICHARD BARCLAY, PATRICK CATES, 24-7 DEATH, TOM
  WRIGHT, JON BINSTEAD, SIMON NICHOLLS, CHRIS
  CARLINE, BRIAN EELES, MICHAEL TRINDER, 5 +
  REWARD DESCRIPTION, EUGENIE VT, TOM DOLAN, LEE
  BURNETT, PETER COOPER.

Richard Matthias, Auntiesash Hazlewood, Jonathan
Ferguson, Tom O'bedlam, Brad Gregory, Graham
Licence, Paul Rose (Mr Biffo), Ed Can Do, C Bond,
Fergus Mckay, Steve Herman, Alex Walsh Atkins,
Mick Curtis, Craig Turner, Joshua Thomasson, Dog
Byte, Fearghas , Unklefiction , Chris Gough,
Fourstar , Jonty Wareing, Basel Kirmani, Montocat
, Rob Affleck, Rhys Wynne, Matt Machell, Marina
De Joslin, Jasper Koning, Ryan Rhodes, James
Mounter, Chris Whitworth, James Macinnes, Geoff
Tidey, John Higgs, Daniel Chote, Geoffrey Balme,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Mark Wilson, Paul Cherry,
Nick Ross, Ian Beveridge, Alex Mastin, Raul
Arreola, Faith H. Martin, Tim Williams, David
King, Jaymie Thomas, Sam Russell, Stephanie
Radford, David Knoll, Ben Watson, Simon Holmes,
Steve P, Gaynor Clarkson, Saleem Ahmad, Nicholas
Martin, Chris Andrews, Jim Macarthur, John
Hammersley, Andy Yates`, Andy Webber, Jack
Barton, David Gardiner, Adam Molloy, Simon
Mcdougall, Craig Tonks, Anna , Peter Gosling,
Jason Stewart, Dave Nattriss, Philip Kinchington,
Ian Boltz, Matt Drewry, Derek Roberts, Robbie
Lesiuk, Bertram Wooster, Adam Inglis, James
Clayton, David Harrison, Jim Frayling,  Mike
Middleton, Richard Hobbs, Scott S. Kramer, Joe
Simmonds, Julie Brumlik, Rob Mahon, Jamie
Borrill, Paul Leader, Ivan Kelly, J&#464;m Mcn&#464;ven,
Paul Healey, Andy Ashton, Tom Rees-Williams,
David Mills, Martin Beer, Midnightrambler , Neil
Ronketti, Matsimpsk , Jim Halfpenny, Dave Tickle,
Andre Stiefenhofer, Matthew Forman, Gareth Noyce,
Chris Paterson, James Woods, Pookong , Oliver
Bewes, Iain , Adam Cooney, Sam Anderson, Albion
Gray, Rupert Hull, Simon Henry, Simon Waterfall,
Paul Westerman, Courtenay Ferris, Andy Tillett,
Essy Dave, Martin Peache, Jerry Quartley, Bertil
Hansson, Carl Morgan, Mark Hibbett, Daniel Brown,
Rich Pope, John Matthews, Johnny Watters, Jamie
Taylor, Adrian Woodfield, Stuart Ashen, Vicki
Jakes, Jane Baker, Paul Smith, Will Goulden,
Simon Cowan, Robin Whitmore, Steven Smith,
Matthew Wilkes, John Docherty, Dan Stott, Siobhan
Mcnally, Bill Atkinson, Jonathan , Starlord
Mixtape, Gneissrocks , Steve Prowse, Tyronne
Mann, Andy Storrar, Jay Roche, Peter Willman,
Sarah Williamson, Kevin Johnston, Richard
Chamley, Tom Gleeson, Mark Mcgowan, Ed Cook,
Darren Stanley, Catroaster , Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Jim Woodward, Alexander Jamieson, Tom
Crick, Ben Burton, Peter Ashtray, Adam Atack, Ac
, Derek Law, Mark Logue, Jon Weston, David
Catley, John Foster, Matt Buchanan, Matthew
Collinge, Joey Moore, Mark Hill, Joe Mcnally, Tom
Ryan, Peter Mcminn, Ryan Doran, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Wil Hadden, James Donnelly, Frank
Hollis, Sean Casely, Chris Stammers, Al Davidson,
Martin Mackenzie, Gus Nicol, Martin Holloway,
Mike Davis, Steve Thornton, Tim Mouncer, Peter
Wouda, Fraser Lewry, Matthew Morris, Wayne Myers,
Rob Vincent, Chris Shaw, Rick Lindley, Greg
Neilson, Blossomshed , Jude Evans, Kev Adams,
Simon Smith, David Edmundson-Bird, @Mattdawhit ,
Brian Lancaster, Iain Henshaw, Mathew Smith, Gia
Milinovich, Fiona James, Robert Hills, Natalee ,
Anne-Marie Scott, James Kerry-Barnard, Greenfox ,
Neil De Carteret, Stephen Waller, Luke Mepham,
Stuart Alldred, Adam Lloyd, Andrew Scheuber,
Chris Branch, Jonathan Wooddin, Obiw4N Shinobi,
Jason Law, Dominic Haigh, Townsendspublisher ,
Steve Anglesey, Iain Brassington, Heidi Colthup,
Ross Carter, Chris Evans, Edward Almond, James
Golbey, Johnnie Shannon, Alex Lovett, Peter
Coombe, David Ault, Kate Devlin, Alex Hayton,
James Shakespeare, Jiminy Hall, Tim Weaver, Lisa
Westhaven, James O'malley, Emma Lay, Phil Wade,
Rossoverthere , Tim Jokl, Catherine Mcallister,
Steve Laker, Damien Smith, Jim Dabell, John
Faragher, Eric Von Borstel, Malcolm Franks,
Richard Beckett, No Reward Description: (None For
No Reward), Nick Morgan, Rog Sharples, Ben Brice,
Iain Moffatt, Justin Brett, Louise Allen, David
Green, Matthew Mould, Riven A Buckley, Robin ,
Luche , Ian Appleby, Pete , Tobie Fysh, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, David Barton, Jess
Baker, Tom Freke, Jan Spielhoff, Sean Flanagan,
Mike Congreve, Chris Johnson, John Field, Emma
Sykes, Carl Mesner Lyons, Ross Dobson, David
Stark, Adam Beardwood, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Chris Goode, Andrew Robinson, Nicky
Hewgill, Michael Kitt, Tim Beachy, Rose Johnson,
Paul Topping, Connor Parslow, Daniel Moeller,
Irene Semanchuk, Alexandre Strube, Craig Naples,
Steve Bryant, Richard Speed, Alastair Dodd, Rhys
Jones, Joseph Mulvaney, Julie Beacock, Sentient
Meatbag, Dan Tasse, Peter Royal, Harry Wearne,
Duncan Strickland, Andy Candler, Deny Coughlan,
Russ Anderson, Nick Kent, Dave Gee, Pete Ashton,
Peter Keelback, Wine School Of Philadelphia, John
Griffiths, Nick Murdoch, Rob Potter, James Meers,
5Telios , Paul Mancini, Al Napp, Tanya Kant, Jon
Ramster, David Whittam, Jace Otting, Bsg , Andrew
Harris, Chris Ward, Adam Tickner, Peter , Emily
Payne, Tim Polglase, Ted Bowyer, Matt Carr, Bobod
, Michael Bryan, Richard Midwinter, Neil Ives,
Mark Ryan, Ben Chapman, David Bond, Ben , Robert
Simpson, Gary Sharp, Andy Shirling, Fenris Games,
James , Jim Lucking, Mark Madgwick, Ben Sugden,
Russell Webster, Sham Courtney, Louis E, Andrea
Vail, Rohan , Sam Brown, Marc Lindberg, Hugh
Noble, Nigel Ford, Gwyn Fisher, Matt Loren,
Centuries Of Sound, Amy Oliver, Christina
Freeman, Paul Braithwaite, Tom Clark, Gregg
Kuljian, Richard Abraham, Paul Slade, Alex
Wrottesley, Ivan Shiel, Claire Allen, Iain M
Barker, Dan Fairs, Tony East, Cat Conner,
Jennifer Moquin, Claire Zolkwer, Seirian Hanner,
Thea Mallett, Nick , Ben Cowell-Thomas, Robert
Purkis, Oli , Andy Nattan, Alex Wren, Martin
Vindahl Olsen, Ilya &#268;olak-Anti&#263;, Adam Kaczmarek,
Mike Carter, Daz Wright, Stewart C. Russell, John
M, P Underwood, Thepfy , Hadleigh Charles, Mark
Mcintosh, Stephen Williams, Peter Wood, Darren
John Harris, Mike Booth, Simon Lumb, Tim Knight,
Fuzzyfreaks , Stephen Mcauley, Phil Barns,
Wigglywigglyworm , Lyra Jay, Lee Ball, Richard
Keeling, David Ellinor, Rachel Tougas, Ben Groom,
Mr Flibble, David Parry, Emma Nicol, Paul
Bayfield, Swedemason , Jon Bounds, Stéphane.


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: PLEASE SUPPORT B3TA PATREON

  This is all funded by you. Please chuck money
  in so we can do stupid newsletter and run
  stupid web projects instead of doing a proper
  job.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta


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: SUB

https://www.b3ta.com/subscribe/

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: SOME JOKES AS A REWARD FOR GETTING TO THE END

  What do Kanye West and brussel sprouts have in
  common? I hate them


  Contrary to popular belief, Stephen Hawking
  wasn't a theoretical physicist. He was real.


  What's #000000 and #FFFFFF and #FF0000 all
  over? A newspaper dot com

  Please write a joke and apologise for it:
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/

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