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This Week:
* QUIZ - Test your resistance to clickbait
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Kids' covers for adult books
* TYPE-IN - For your Amstrad CPC 464 (or 6128+)

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  'We're saving the web    
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   largely to 3.5" disks
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  in an unreadable format'

B3ta email 681  - 8 June 2018

Read this issue backwards and summon "Web Satan":
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue681

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: CLICKY CLICKY CLICKBAIT QUIZ
  Monkeon tests your resistance to clickbait

  Quiz genius Monkeon has read all the clickbait
  on the internet and selected all the headlines
  he thinks are particularly difficult to resist,
  to see how many you can read before you succumb
  to clicking. We managed 53% resistance to
  clickbait. Can you beat us?
https://www.monkeon.co.uk/clickbaitimmunity/


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Bands where the band name is a band member's surname:

Van Halen (Eddie)
Bon Jovi (Jon)
King (Paul)
Goldfrapp (Alison)
Dio (Ronnie James)
Danzig (Glenn)
Fox (Noosha)
Gillan (Ian)
Santana (Carlos)

BONUS ANSWER: The Spice Girls all had the surname "Spice"

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: AMSTRAD BUS FABRIC SIMULATOR
  A type-in for your CPC 464

  Rob writes "If art is the stuff you feel
  compelled to make and happens with or without
  an audience, then this is my art: code written
  for a 34 year old computer to approximate the
  designs on council tiles in the 1970s and the
  fabrics used on bus seats." And what's more,
  there's a complete listing for YOU to type into
  your Amstrad. HOORAY!
https://b3ta.com/blog/amstrad-type-in/


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Dear BBC. Twitch stream Top Of The Pops next. Thank you.

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: BUY SOME FUCKING TROUSERS
  Sponsored patreon

  Hebtro make awesome trousers. And they're made
  by some old newsletter contributors in the UK.
  They also sell shorts and want you to buy lots
  of them so they can pay their VAT bill. GO
  SPEND!
https://hebtro.co/


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: WASHING UP SONG
  Surprisingly good song about washing up

  When people send songs in we always cringe a
  bit as it's a tough job to make this stuff
  likeable, but Elliotmason has succeeded with an
  utterly charming tribute to the thoughts he has
  whilst washing up.
https://youtu.be/fVn0Iq0CmvY


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Mum jokes will get you far.
But Dad jokes will get you father.

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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Kidsí covers for adult books

  This week's challenge is all about designing
  new covers for children's books. Do make sure
  you join in, as you get out what you put into
  this stuff, you know.
https://www.b3ta.com/challenge/kidscoversadultbooks/popular/ 

  Last week's challenge about 'farm films' is
  still going strong. From a title that you might
  argue sounded unpromising, or maybe left-field,
  it has produced a really strong challenge with
  over 100 entries, with many of them being
  laugh-out-loud funny. Well done, people.
https://www.b3ta.com/challenge/farmfilms/popular/


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What do you call a big reptile that gets someone else to bite you?
A deligator

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: NEED PR? BEST CALL ED
  Sponsored patreon

  "I'm Ed Zitron and I'm running the best PR
  company in the world - and I've been reading
  B3ta for 15 years so have sponsored them."
  Thank you Ed. You're the BEST. And you have
  100k followers on Twitter. Which is pretty
  impressive, can we borrow some?
https://twitter.com/edzitron


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: MASH-UP KING SWEDEMASON IS BACK
  With something about doctors

  You know Swedemason - he did the mash-up of
  Donald Trump singing Talking Heads. Well he is
  back and writes, "Another old one that sat on
  the backburner for 10 years or so. No prizes
  for guessing who influenced the vid." Hmm,
  we're guessing an angry guy who shouts 'doctor'
  a lot?
https://www.b3ta.com/links/Doctors

  BTW: Mr Mason is looking for work doing this
  kinda stuff, so if you reckon you could use him
  get in touch via @swedemason on Twitter.

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: LOL SHIT TORY YOUTH
  Activate #Deactivates

  Spellingmistakescostlives writes, "Last year I
  set up an Instagram account for tory youth
  group Activate as a sort of sleeper cell. Plan
  was to gather right-wing followers until the
  election and then flip it into an anti-Tory
  account. Unfortunately they've folded before I
  got a chance to #activate my plan, so I wrote
  their goodbye announcement instead."
https://www.instagram.com/p/BjqgUHynwhj/


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What's the difference between tarka dal and regular dal? 
Tarka's a little 'otter.

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: B3TA SWAG
  Send us shit in the post (not literally, you wags)

  We're running a swag page: you send us your
  stuff that you're selling and if we like it
  we'll tell people.

  Best thing this week? Some badges saying "Never
  work for The Sun" which is good advice.  
https://b3ta.com/blog/b3ta-swag/ 

  PS. Never work for The Sun.

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Where do mad people go to shop?
In Sainsbury's 

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: SITES IN BRIEFS
  Three mini-lols for your rofl inspection 

  * LOL AT THIS PRANKSTER - getting the BBC to
  read out something utterly horrendous.
https://twitter.com/slartybartfarst/status/1004034120182353921

  * LOL AT THIS CAFE - sticking the Flintstones
  theme on a Mozart menu.
https://twitter.com/theshums/status/1002779615197216769

  * LOL AT THIS CRUDELY DRAWN COCK TATTOO - via
  E4's Tattoo Fixers.
https://twitter.com/AliCatterall/status/985662052927762434


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: PROJECT IDEAS
  Stuff we'd like to see next week
  
  * WHO THE HELL UPDATES CELEB DEATHS ON
  WIKIPEDIA SO QUICKLY? Maybe do a data project
  where you check the edit history of celeb
  deaths for patterns. 
  
  * WHAT ARE THE FILMS ON IMDB THAT WOMEN LIKE?
  We have a theory that there's loads of
  interesting data drowned out on IMDB because
  men vote more. We'd be interested in seeing a
  list of movies with the widest disparity of
  appeal between men and women (not including
  obscure stuff with 5 votes).
  
  * SUPER BASIC - messing around with the Amstrad
  emulator made us want a project a bit like the
  fantasy emulator Pico 8, but based around a
  fantasy 8-bit computer running fast BASIC
  rather than Lua. Bit of a big project idea
  there, but we're sure you're capable of
  tackling it. Get to work, gang.


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: FOLLOW UPS
  Mini news updates on last week's news

  * CYRIAK'S BOOK 85% FUNDED Please throw him
  some money to get his weird horse over the
  final hurdle.
https://unbound.com/books/horse-destroys-the-universe/

  * YORE COMPUTER SCORED OVER 6,800 FOLLOWERS -
  proving that... well we dunno, but if you enjoy
  reading old computer mags then there's worse
  things you could do with your time.
https://twitter.com/yorecomputer


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: CREDITS

  Written by Rob Manuel using a 6 year old
  Macbook Air with two broken keys, so there's no
  using the right arrow or right shift. A cup of
  tea did that. Thanks tea.

  Subjlols via barbarossa69.

  General yays to Happy Toast, Wil and Kris.

  Proofing via mollywallop.

  Jokes by spacefish, pingudownunder, Chuckman,
  horace & cumquat may. If you've written a joke
  then please tell us at "I'm Sorry I've Written
  A Joke".
https://www.b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/


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: SUB / UNSUB TO B3TA NEWSLETTER
https://www.b3ta.com/subscribe/

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS
  The people who make it all happen

  *JOSH MCMILLAN* *AARON HOLMES* *TOM JENKINS
  BATES* *JON GRANT* *SHOWRAT * *SIMON JAMES*
  *TREVOR BURTON-MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY*
  *KATE * *JAMES PETTS* *STEWART NOLAN* *BRYAN
  PEACOCK* *MARK MCCREADIE* *ALEX MORRIS* *JAMES
  O'BRIEN*

  ANDREW WREN, JAMES CRONIN, ALISTAIR , IAN
  SHEEN, NEIL HEPBURN, MARK ADAMSON, ANDREW
  FLEMMING, ALAN CHARLTON, SPAZZCAPTAIN , WENDY
  GOODE, JAIMIE VANDENBERGH, CHRIS BLAKENEY,
  BEVAN JOHNSON, CRISS MORENO, JO APPS, CHRIS
  LOCKE, ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, GREG MCGOWAN,
  RICHARD BARCLAY, PATRICK CATES, 24-7 DEATH, TOM
  WRIGHT, JON BINSTEAD, SIMON NICHOLLS, CHRIS
  CARLINE, BRIAN EELES, MICHAEL TRINDER, 5 +
  REWARD DESCRIPTION, EUGENIE VT, TOM DOLAN, LEE
  BURNETT, PETER COOPER.

  Richard Matthias, Auntiesash Hazlewood,
  Jonathan Ferguson, Tom O'bedlam, Brad Gregory,
  Graham Licence, Paul Rose (Mr Biffo), Ed Can
  Do, C Bond, Fergus Mckay, Steve Herman, Alex
  Walsh Atkins, Mick Curtis, Craig Turner, Joshua
  Thomasson, Dog Byte, Fearghas , Unklefiction ,
  Chris Gough, Fourstar , Jonty Wareing, Basel
  Kirmani, Montocat , Rob Affleck, Rhys Wynne,
  Matt Machell, Marina De Joslin, Jasper Koning,
  Ryan Rhodes, James Mounter, Chris Whitworth,
  James Macinnes, Geoff Tidey, John Higgs, Daniel
  Chote, Geoffrey Balme, Byron Geoffrey Farrow,
  Mark Wilson, Paul Cherry, Nick Ross, Ian
  Beveridge, Alex Mastin, Raul Arreola, Faith H.
  Martin, Tim Williams, David King, Jaymie
  Thomas, Sam Russell, Stephanie Radford, David
  Knoll, Ben Watson, Simon Holmes, Steve P,
  Gaynor Clarkson, Saleem Ahmad, Nicholas Martin,
  Chris Andrews, Jim Macarthur, John Hammersley,
  Andy Yates`, Andy Webber, Jack Barton, David
  Gardiner, Adam Molloy, Simon Mcdougall, Craig
  Tonks, Anna , Peter Gosling, Jason Stewart,
  Dave Nattriss, Philip Kinchington, Ian Boltz,
  Matt Drewry, Derek Roberts, Robbie Lesiuk,
  Bertram Wooster, Adam Inglis, James Clayton,
  David Harrison, Jim Frayling,  Mike Middleton,
  Richard Hobbs, Scott S. Kramer, Joe Simmonds,
  Julie Brumlik, Rob Mahon, Jamie Borrill, Paul
  Leader, Ivan Kelly, J&#464;m Mcn&#464;ven, Paul Healey,
  Andy Ashton, Tom Rees-Williams, David Mills,
  Martin Beer, Midnightrambler , Neil Ronketti,
  Matsimpsk , Jim Halfpenny, Dave Tickle, Andre
  Stiefenhofer, Matthew Forman, Gareth Noyce,
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  Gray, Rupert Hull, Simon Henry, Simon
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  Andy Tillett, Essy Dave, Martin Peache, Jerry
  Quartley, Bertil Hansson, Carl Morgan, Mark
  Hibbett, Daniel Brown, Rich Pope, John
  Matthews, Johnny Watters, Jamie Taylor, Adrian
  Woodfield, Stuart Ashen, Vicki Jakes, Jane
  Baker, Paul Smith, Will Goulden, Simon Cowan,
  Robin Whitmore, Steven Smith, Matthew Wilkes,
  John Docherty, Dan Stott, Siobhan Mcnally, Bill
  Atkinson, Jonathan , Starlord Mixtape,
  Gneissrocks , Steve Prowse, Tyronne Mann, Andy
  Storrar, Jay Roche, Peter Willman, Sarah
  Williamson, Kevin Johnston, Richard Chamley,
  Tom Gleeson, Mark Mcgowan, Ed Cook, Darren
  Stanley, Catroaster , Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
  Jim Woodward, Alexander Jamieson, Tom Crick,
  Ben Burton, Peter Ashtray, Adam Atack, Ac ,
  Derek Law, Mark Logue, Jon Weston, David
  Catley, John Foster, Matt Buchanan, Matthew
  Collinge, Joey Moore, Mark Hill, Joe Mcnally,
  Tom Ryan, Peter Mcminn, Ryan Doran, Konrad
  Petrusewicz, Wil Hadden, James Donnelly, Frank
  Hollis, Sean Casely, Chris Stammers, Al
  Davidson, Martin Mackenzie, Gus Nicol, Martin
  Holloway, Mike Davis, Steve Thornton, Tim
  Mouncer, Peter Wouda, Fraser Lewry, Matthew
  Morris, Wayne Myers, Rob Vincent, Chris Shaw,
  Rick Lindley, Greg Neilson, Blossomshed , Jude
  Evans, Kev Adams, Simon Smith, David
  Edmundson-Bird, @Mattdawhit , Brian Lancaster,
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  Fiona James, Robert Hills, Natalee , Anne-Marie
  Scott, James Kerry-Barnard, Greenfox , Neil De
  Carteret, Stephen Waller, Luke Mepham, Stuart
  Alldred, Adam Lloyd, Andrew Scheuber, Chris
  Branch, Jonathan Wooddin, Obiw4N Shinobi, Jason
  Law, Dominic Haigh, Townsendspublisher , Steve
  Anglesey, Iain Brassington, Heidi Colthup, Ross
  Carter, Chris Evans, Edward Almond, James
  Golbey, Johnnie Shannon, Alex Lovett, Peter
  Coombe, David Ault, Kate Devlin, Alex Hayton,
  James Shakespeare, Jiminy Hall, Tim Weaver,
  Lisa Westhaven, James O'malley, Emma Lay, Phil
  Wade, Rossoverthere , Tim Jokl, Catherine
  Mcallister, Steve Laker, Damien Smith, Jim
  Dabell, John Faragher, Eric Von Borstel,
  Malcolm Franks, Richard Beckett, No Reward
  Description: (None For No Reward), Nick Morgan,
  Rog Sharples, Ben Brice, Iain Moffatt, Justin
  Brett, Louise Allen, David Green, Matthew
  Mould, Riven A Buckley, Robin , Luche , Ian
  Appleby, Pete , Tobie Fysh, Gavin Tommey,
  Stuart Richards, David Barton, Jess Baker, Tom
  Freke, Jan Spielhoff, Sean Flanagan, Mike
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  Stark, Adam Beardwood, Dominic Le Garsmeur,
  Mark Benson, Chris Goode, Andrew Robinson,
  Nicky Hewgill, Michael Kitt, Tim Beachy, Rose
  Johnson, Paul Topping, Connor Parslow, Daniel
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  Peter Royal, Harry Wearne, Duncan Strickland,
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  Nick Kent, Dave Gee, Pete Ashton, Peter
  Keelback, Wine School Of Philadelphia, John
  Griffiths, Nick Murdoch, Rob Potter, James
  Meers, 5Telios , Paul Mancini, Al Napp, Tanya
  Kant, Jon Ramster, David Whittam, Jace Otting,
  Bsg , Andrew Harris, Chris Ward, Adam Tickner,
  Peter , Emily Payne, Tim Polglase, Ted Bowyer,
  Matt Carr, Bobod , Michael Bryan, Richard
  Midwinter, Neil Ives, Mark Ryan, Ben Chapman,
  David Bond, Ben , Robert Simpson, Gary Sharp,
  Andy Shirling, Fenris Games, James , Jim
  Lucking, Mark Madgwick, Ben Sugden, Russell
  Webster, Sham Courtney, Louis E, Andrea Vail,
  Rohan , Sam Brown, Marc Lindberg, Hugh Noble,
  Nigel Ford, Gwyn Fisher, Matt Loren, Centuries
  Of Sound, Amy Oliver, Christina Freeman, Paul
  Braithwaite, Tom Clark, Gregg Kuljian, Richard
  Abraham, Paul Slade, Alex Wrottesley, Ivan
  Shiel, Claire Allen, Iain M Barker, Dan Fairs,
  Tony East, Cat Conner, Jennifer Moquin, Claire
  Zolkwer, Seirian Hanner, Thea Mallett, Nick ,
  Ben Cowell-Thomas, Robert Purkis, Oli , Andy
  Nattan, Alex Wren, Martin Vindahl Olsen, Ilya
  &#268;olak-Anti&#263;, Adam Kaczmarek, Mike Carter, Daz
  Wright, Stewart C. Russell, John M, P
  Underwood, Thepfy , Hadleigh Charles, Mark
  Mcintosh, Stephen Williams, Peter Wood, Darren
  John Harris, Mike Booth, Simon Lumb, Tim
  Knight, Fuzzyfreaks , Stephen Mcauley, Phil
  Barns, Wigglywigglyworm , Lyra Jay, Lee Ball,
  Richard Keeling, David Ellinor, Rachel Tougas,
  Ben Groom, Mr Flibble, David Parry, Emma Nicol,
  Paul Bayfield, Swedemason , Jon Bounds,
  Stéphane.


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: PLEASE SUPPORT B3TA PATREON

  This is all funded by you. Please chuck money
  in so we can do stupid newsletters and write
  Amstrad BASIC instead of doing a proper job.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

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  TOP TIP:
  Normal-sized Mars bars make ideal mini sized
  Mars bars for giants.
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/toptips/

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