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NEWSLETTER: "ED MILLIBAND'S COALITION OF CHAOS SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD RIGHT ABOUT NOW"

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This Week:
* PHOTOS - Of stuff dumped by a wall
* IMAGE CHALLENGE - Kubrick's The Shining
* ASHENS - Make his Hollywood dream come true

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "We saved the web so that    
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |   people can use it to
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|   download owl porn"

B3ta email 685  - 14th July 2018

Read this issue after ingesting delicious novichok
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue685

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: ASHENS CROWDFUNDING NEW MOVIE
  Dig deep rich B3tans, dig deep

  King of retro technology and brown sofas,
  Stuart Ashen, is crowdfunding "a comedy heist
  movie where I must steal the most infamous
  video game of all: Polybius."

  We got in touch and said "Stu. Give us some
  quotes" and he gave us three:

  * "It's going to be like those films you enjoy,
  except funnier."

  * "We're turning the heist genre on its head
  and inserting a rectal thermometer."

  * "We're going to ask Rob Manuel to be in it
  again, and we hope he agrees."

  Make sure you chunk in some cash so Stu can do
  afford to do more of the set-piece stuff he
  plans:
https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/ashens-and-the-polybius-heist-youtube#/
 

  BTW: It's actually quite interesting to dig
  into the history of the urban legend Polybius -
  it's all alleged CIA stuff where they
  supposedly stuck a game into a few arcades,
  either to recruit super agents or for mind
  control reasons. Obviously all bollocks but fun
  bollocks.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polybius_(urban_legend)


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If there's something strange in your
neighbourhood. Who you gonna call?
THE COUNCIL

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: CYRIAK MAKES NEW ANIMATION
  That'll probably make you shit yourself

  Not content simply with writing horse books,
  Cyriak is back with a new creepy animation, as
  posted on our links board under the name
  "Mutated Monty" because B3ta still uses weird
  internet names instead of this modern trend of
  demanding everyone not be called
  'sputzy-trousers2'.
https://www.b3ta.com/links/Indigestion


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The Cure being good entirely lines up with
Thatcher being Prime Minister

 Three Imaginary Boys LP / Thatcher in: May 1979
 Mixed-up / Thatcher out: Nov 1990

Not sure what you should do with this
information. Sorry.

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: CREEPY UPPY
  Kick Donald in the head

  You might remember Matt Round from projects
  like "Serial Killer or Programmer" and he
  writes "It's been all "World Cup footyball's
  coming home!" recently & now the awful orange
  racist's has arrived, so naturally I've made a
  game where you kick him in the head.
  Repeatedly." Fine work Matt.
https://theovertake.com/stuff/creepy-uppy/


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: POINT YOUR BROWSER AT THESE TROUSERS 
  P-p-p-p pick up a sponsored p-p-p-p-patreon

  Imagine you're naked. You'd probably want to
  put some trousers on wouldn't you? Then put
  these on, you nude idiot.
https://hebtro.co/


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If there's something weird and it don't look
good. Who you gonna call? 
THE POLICE 

-------------------------------------------------

: LITTER WATCH
  Photos of stuff dumped by a wall

  "Big news everyone!" writes Dannyl Harle, "My
  Mum has an Instagram where she regularly posts
  images of the wide variety of rubbish people
  leave on the small wall outside her house. It
  started as a project to send to the council but
  has now spiralled into micro-phenomenon."
https://www.instagram.com/juliajaneeisner/?hl=en


-------------------------------------------------

An anecdote told to us by a Mirror journalist was
that when Piers Morgan was editor and 9/11
happened a load of staff stood at the window in
One Canada Sq looking for planes and Piers told
them to move because he was worried it would make
the building topple over. 


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: ENGLAND'S OTHER WORLD CUP GLORY
  Remember when football came home in the 80s?
  
  Ambegris has been researching the other time
  England won the world cup - unexpectedly in
  1986. Yes, totally true, if you believe
  cartoons are real. And we do.
https://the-slipper.blogspot.com/2014/07/englands-other-world-cup-glory.html

  BTW: Here's a fact. "Football's Coming Home"
  was the slogan of Euro 96 before it was the
  Lightning Seeds song. Actually it read
  "Football's Come Home" referring to the fact
  the games were played in England. That simple
  change from "come" to "coming" added much of
  the magic to the phrase. It made it the dream.


-------------------------------------------------

If you're seeing things running through your
head? Who you gonna call? 
NHS HOTLINE

-------------------------------------------------

: INTERVIEW WITH A B3TAN WITH CANCER
  A bit of a change of tone here...
  
  Karamoon writes "I think B3tan readers will
  enjoy this radio interview. I'm dying of cancer
  (at 38!) and was interviewed by a New York
  radio station about it. I managed to use the
  phrase 'bittorrent fairy'... And the radio
  station was kind enough to end the interview
  with Hey Hey 16k.

  "A bunch of B3tans and B3ta readers have been
  massively supportive of me since my terminal
  cancer diagnosis. For example Ashens got
  involved with a retro geek comedy night at the
  Cambridge Computer Museum to raise money for my
  immunotherapy. Leila and Roo from the Shift Run
  Stop podcast have helped me out too, as have
  Eben and Liz Upton from Raspberry Pi."

  Good luck dude. We're all thinking of you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hq9V2x6BMIQ


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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  The Shining Vs the B3tans

  If you're sick of the Donald Trump and football
  not coming home, then come and photoshop The
  Shining. We've done many movie challenges and
  we thought it would be interesting to go deep
  on one specific movie, and there's few more
  iconic that Stanley Kubrick's The Shining.
https://www.b3ta.com/challenge/TheShining/popular/


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An invisible man. Sleepin' in your bed. Who you
gonna call?
RELATE

-------------------------------------------------

: IF YOU NEED PR THEN CALL ED, OK?
  Sponsored patreon

  Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR.
  Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR.
  Ed Zitron = PR. Ed Zitron = PR. 
https://twitter.com/edzitron


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: SITES IN BRIEFS
  Stuff made by our mortal enemies that's good

  * CREEPY SERVICE FOR CREEPS - retargeting ads
  in your partners browser to make them want more
  sex. Not quite sure if this is a gag or not -
  but it's grim either way.
https://www.thespinner.net/ 


  * NERD CROSS STITCH - the lovely, old Mac
  interface done in stitches because pixels and
  stitches are basically the same thing.
https://twitter.com/glenda_atom/status/1016085139099738114


  * STEWART LEE DUMPING MORRISSEY - Stew's Mozza
  article is excellent and we also like that he's
  clearly written it exactly like how we write
  stuff: get the shape of a joke and go "needs
  overly specific and obscure detail here - best
  crib Wikipedia page on Walruses"
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/jul/08/how-to-treat-morrissey-stop-listening-to-him-stewart-lee 


  * WONDERING WHAT THE DOOM MODDING COMMUNITY ARE
  UP TO? They're making wonderful Seinfeld mods.
  Joyous.
https://twitter.com/ultrabrilliant/status/1017328107257253888


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: STILL BANGING ON ABOUT GOATSE CORNER
  The butt meme that'll never die
 
  Matt Round writes, "In case you're still
  covering goatses in the newsletter and didn't
  see this..."
https://twitter.com/Manglewood/status/1017206048183250944


-------------------------------------------------

: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Make some some shit. Post it to us. 

  * STILL INTERESTED IN MOVIE RECOMMENDATIONS -
  quite fancy something that tells you what was
  on in your local cinema in 1986 so you can then
  bittorrent from that. Infinite choice is
  paralysing.

  * THE ABOVE BUT FOR MUSIC - Spotify but that
  only gives you the new releases from July 1986.

  * AND OTHER IDEAS WE DON'T HAVE THE BUDGET FOR
  LIKE...  Pokémon Go mechanic would work well
  for the Ghostbusters franchise. Your whole area
  haunted, you bustin' ghosts everywhere

  TELL US NOW YOU FUCKS:
https://www.b3ta.com/mailus/


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: THANKS
  Wil, Cr3, Kris, Matt Round. Subjlols via
  Barbarossa. Proofing by @fatherjack.

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS

  * JOSH MCMILLAN, * AARON HOLMES, * TOM JENKINS
  BATES, * JON GRANT, * SHOWRAT , * SIMON JAMES,
  * TREVOR BURTON-MCCREADIE, * MR PHIL DONNELLY,
  * KATE , * JAMES PETTS, * STEWART NOLAN, * MARK
  MCCREADIE, * ALEX MORRIS, * JAMES O'BRIEN.

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  PATRICK CATES, 24-7 DEATH, TOM WRIGHT, JON
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  Ben Groom, Mr Flibble, David Parry, Emma Nicol,
  Paul Bayfield, Swedemason , Jon Bounds,
  Stéphane.

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: SOCIAL MEDIA PROMO
  Block / unfriend B3ta NOW!
  
  Social media is a disease. Unfollow us before
  it's too late: 
https://www.facebook.com/b3tan
https://www.twitter.com/b3ta


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: ANY OTHER BUSINESS?

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  I love all ethernet cables, especially when I see
  one that is very, very old. I always wonder how
  it survived, and what it has seen in its life. I wish
  the ethernet cable could whisper to me all it
  knows. (@yokoonobot)

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