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NEWSLETTER: "WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TARKA DAL AND REGULAR DAL? TARKA'S A LITTLE 'OTTER."

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This Week:
* QUIZ - Old games mega-quiz
* RINGO STARR - As motivation posters, at last
* TRUMP - Even infecting us. Sorry.

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ | "Training drones to kill
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ | people who write snotty
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|  replies to this email"

B3ta email 693 - 07 Sep 2018

Read this issue whilst thinking about spoons:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue693

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: RETRO QUIZ GAMES MEGA MICROQUIZ
  "I made a quiz game out of lots of old quiz games"

  Monkeon has cut up fifty or so 8-bit quiz games
  to make a mega quiz. You remember the stuff:
  Mike Read's Pop Quiz, Trivia Pursuit etc. It's
  a pretty sweet nostalgia hit without having to
  faff with emulators, and if you're old like us,
  and the questions are pretty easy.
https://www.monkeon.co.uk/retroquizquiz/ 

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"I've got the brains,
You've got the looks,
Let's make LOADSAMONEY"

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: DONALD TRUMP - MAH-NA-MAH-NA
  A quick but amusing cut-up

  So apparently the world's shittest President
  can't say "anonymous" properly. Still, it's
  provided opportunity for HappyToast to make a
  lol.
https://b3ta.com/links/Donald_Trump_Anomanus

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What idiot called it an airline meal instead of snacks on a plane?

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: RINGO STARR MOTIVATIONAL POSTERS
  Best drummer in the Beatles motivates YOU

  Chris Shaw writes "I've seen a lot of
  motivational posters pilfering out-of-context
  John Lennon lyrics. Ringo motivational posters
  are well overdue and it's time to put that
  right."
https://ringomotivation.wordpress.com/

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Poor old @swearclock has been down for a week. A
tweet was reported and the account locked and we
didn't notice. Pleased to say it's back now. So
altogether... "Just Buy A Fucking Watch It's
1:30PM"
https://twitter.com/swearclock

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: HOW BANDS GOT THEIR NAMES

  * 10cc - more than average amount of
  ejaculation, potent as fuck.

  * Linkin Park  Wanted Lincoln Park but
  couldn't afford domain name

  * Led Zeppelin - A worse lead balloon. Spelt
  wrong to encourage correct pronunciation.

  Enter a HUGE Wikipedia-hole:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_band_name_etymologies 

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: DO YOU NEED PR STUFF?
  Patreon ad thingie

  Ed does media relations that actually works.
  Give him a bell.
https://www.ezpr.com/

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE 
  Wrong plurals

  We were quite pleased with the idea of 'wrong
  plurals' and there's been over 100 entries. We
  particularly direct you to the top entry by Rob
  T Firefly for its relatable Star Trek gag. 
http://b3ta.com/challenge/wrongpluralfilms

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: QUESTION OF THE WEEK /GOLD/
  A lie that got out of control

  Oh crikey - the girl who got run over. I'd
  completely forgotten this one...

  My parents used to ask me every day "so how was
  school today?" and obviously the fairly mundane
  stories of maths, spelling, P.E. and all the
  rest got a bit repetitive. During a
  particularly uninteresting season when I was
  about six years old, I started making things
  up. Mostly small things: Christopher got into
  trouble, Emma brought her pet rabbit to school,
  we went on a nature walk and saw some bees,
  that kind of thing.

  One day I got home, my parents asked the
  question and I answered "oh, a little girl got
  knocked over by a car outside school and died."
  This was complete fabrication but to my
  six-year-old mind seemed not entirely
  unfeasible. My parents, of course, were shocked
  and asked for more details so naturally I
  invented some: it was Robbie's mum, she was
  driving too fast, it was one of the girls in
  reception, she'd crossed the road without
  looking, the car had run her over, some people
  saw it happen and lots of children screamed,
  all that sort of thing that came rapidly to my
  road-safety-fed and imaginative small child's
  mind.

  I think it was the exertion of the hasty
  invention that made me seem a bit reluctant to
  talk further, so my parents stopped asking me
  any more questions and I toddled off up to my
  room. My parents, thinking I was in shock and
  of course not doubting my account, phoned the
  school - the number was engaged. So they called
  other parents, asking if anyone knew anything
  more about the little girl killed outside
  school today. I sat in my room, happily playing
  with Lego and blissfully unaware of the
  dramatic Chinese whispers-like panic, gossip
  and search for answers rapidly propagating
  along the telephone lines of the parents of
  infants in my year all now hastily calling each
  other. The school telephone remained engaged.

  It was only the following morning, when I'd
  completely forgotten about my lie and was taken
  to school by my dad as usual on his way to
  work, that we saw a huge throng of parents and
  journalists waiting outside the school gates,
  some with bunches of flowers to place outside
  the school, being confronted by a very
  bewildered head teacher who was being accused
  of trying to deny everything and stage some
  sort of cover-up.

  Fortunately, somewhere in the midst of all the
  phone calls and drama the night before, the
  original source of the utter lie had somehow
  been forgotten - by everyone except my dad. He
  said very little as he left me at the school
  gates but I vividly remember the huge and
  lengthy shouting-at session (of course
  accompanied by having no dinner) I got from
  both parents when I got home that night, on how
  and why lying was bad and wrong and how if they
  ever caught me lying again they would tell the
  whole school where the story of the run-over
  girl came from... (sanityclause)
https://www.b3ta.com/questions/pantsonfire/

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
  
  * SMACK MY BITCH UP - HOW IT WERE DONE - Ya
  What writes, "bit old now, but still
  interesting and due another look." 
http://b3ta.com/links/1498208

  * INTRODUCING THE 'MISS HONEYWELL COMPUTER' -
  tech bros inventing a stupid, sexist future is
  nothing new.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6e8mj7r7V60

  * BABY BUNGLE SHITTING HIMSELF - a
  fantastically odd clip from TV's Rainbow.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=soMRzkiMfLY

  * HYPNOTIC SHINING CUT-UP - as made by Pogo who
  has pretty unpleasant views which just serves
  to remind the world that art is channeled and
  some pretty awful people have that gift. Hello
  Morrissey.
https://www.b3ta.com/links/redruM

  * INTRODUCING 'GAMMON MAGAZINE' - "This has
  promise" informs Monkeon.
https://www.facebook.com/gammonmag/ 

  * BEST TIMED TV LINK EVER - Extraordinary shot
  where James Burke times a link to NASA rocket
  launch. Cool as fuck.
https://twitter.com/r0thar/status/1036595920597655553

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: TROUSER BROWSER AROUSER
  Patreon ad thingie

  If you have legs please cover them up with some
  trousers. NOW!
https://hebtro.co/

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Free idea for Radiohead: release your next LP as
a hex type-in. Thousands of nerds would have to
collaborate to type in 750mb of numbers just to
hear Thom York squawking like a angry owl.

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: HEADLINES OF THE WEEK
  Sentences from the world's finest journalists
  
  * "Angry teenager threatens to stab his dad
  after being given salad for tea" (Hull Daily
  Mail)

  * "Man mauled by bear, bitten by rattlesnake
  now attacked by shark" (Denver KUSA)

  * "Row kicks off in cafe after chef's dog
  steals child's brioche" (Brighton Argus)

  "I'm also plugging the opening of the 2018
  school uniform HOME YOU GO season", informs
  Scaryduck, "local newspaper photographs of
  angry parents and faintly embarrassed kids who
  have been sent home on the first day for minor
  school uniform infractions. The only place
  these disputes can be settled is the front page
  of the local press."
https://apiln.co.uk/home-you-go-the-2018-school-uniform-fury-is-open/

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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
  Follow-ups on previous stories
  
  * YORE COMPUTER GETS A REPLY - 28 years after
  he coded it, the programmer of the C4 version
  of Operation Thunderbolt finds out that he made
  the cover of Zapp 64.
https://twitter.com/PaulieHughes/status/1037606842715856896

  * BIG KNOB GAG WENT VIRAL - B3ta's own Dr Dunno
  has had 5000+ retweets from a headline he wrote
  about Mr Amazon having penis envy. He explains
  all here:
http://christhebarker.tumblr.com/post/177831238805/christhebarker-on-twitter

  * SHARDCORE AT EMF CAMP - B3ta's own Sharcore
  did a talk at the EMF Camp about Post-Truth.
  Your newsletter editor has been invited for the
  2020 EMFCamp which is quite alarming as 2020!
  It sounds like a sci-fi date from a movie and
  it's coming around SOON.
https://media.ccc.de/v/emf2018-413-the-truth-post-truth-nothing-like-the-truth

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Make stuff and become so famous it hurts
  
  * CORRECTLY NAMED MAP - In this age where we
  (rightly) try to respect how people want to
  self-identify has anyone applied it to
  countries? Seems a bit of an anomaly that we
  don't call Germany Deutschland etc.

  * ELON MUSK BOT -  "Hey [news site], why are
  you asking this? Research [person in the public
  eye. e.g. Shep the dog], they're a fucking
  pedo" or alternatively just keep posting the
  smoking weed photo with shit nicked off
  Reddit's shower thoughts "It kinda makes sense
  that the target audience for fidget spinners
  lost interest in them so quickly"

  * IF 80s COMPUTER GAMES WERE GOOD - There's
  probably worse starting points for ideas for
  modern games than going back to the posters
  from 80s game ads and trying to imagine if the
  game lived up to the ad

  Send your shite to:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/

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: THANKS
 
  Newsletter written by Zippy from Rainbow.
  Subjlol via Horace.
  Site fun by Happy Toast, Monkeon, Wil & Kris.
-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS
  You lovely people 

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: REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY SOCIAL MEDIA PROMO
  Block / unfriend B3ta NOW!
  
  Blah blah blah social media blah who gives a
  fuck. Follow us, block us, it's not going to
  make a blind bit of difference to anything is
  it?
https://mastodon.social/@b3ta
https://www.facebook.com/b3tan
https://www.twitter.com/b3ta

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  TOP TIP:
  Lie on top of your bed for half an hour to make
  it feel like you're sleeping at someone else's.
  (je suis un vagabond)
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/toptips/  

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