NEWSLETTER: "ISSUE 700. HOLY FUCKING SHIT WE DIDN'T INTEND TO WRITE 700 OF THESE FUCKERS"
This Week:
* GAME - How would you spend Jeff Bezos' money?
* GIFS - Treated as the art that they are
* NONSENSE - And plenty of it
-------------------------------------------------
________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "Help save the web
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | by pressing CTRL+S
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| if you see a good bit"
B3ta email 700 - 26 Oct 2018
Read this issue whilst mooing like a horse:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue700
-------------------------------------------------
: RANDOM KOYAANISQATSI GENERATOR
Arty random gifs + Philip Glass
Monkeon writes "Koyaanisqatsi is a 1983
wordless documentary primarily made up of slow
motion and time-lapse footage. I wondered how
easy it would be to make an internet version
using random Giphy 'gifs' which have been
tagged as slow motion or time-lapse, playing
them along with the Philip Glass soundtrack."
Light a big tea spliff and watch this on your
22" CRT.
https://www.monkeon.co.uk/gifaanisqatsi/
-------------------------------------------------
Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy books - a guide:
1: Episodic comedy space adventure influenced by
Monty Python
2: More of this
3: Recycled Doctor Who plot
4: A quite sweet rom com
5: I hate the thing that made me famous and I
wish I'd done something else with my life, fuck
everyone who likes this
If you want more on Hitchhiker's, listen to
one-time B3tan Ed Morrish / Martian on the Rule
Of Three podcast on this very subject. (It's very
cool and froody.)
https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/rule-of-three/...
-------------------------------------------------
We see the biased BBC have not covered the Brexit
protest we just left in our toilet.
-------------------------------------------------
: VINTAGE BOOK COVERS
"Buttface rides again"
C_kick informs us that he's "nearing 100
covers" on his fucking with pulp book covers
Instagram account. It's nice to have a hobby.
https://www.instagram.com/vintage_covers/
-------------------------------------------------
All animals can be divided into cats or dogs.
Spiders, lonesome, just chilling = cats.
Giraffes, dorky = dogs.
-------------------------------------------------
: BUY HAPPY TOAST'S TARDIS T-SHIRT
Before lawyers shut it down
With Doctor Who claiming to Banksy ("Or am I?")
Happy Toast has "put my Doctor Who/Banksy mash
up 'Girl with Blue Box' picture on redbubble."
https://www.redbubble.com/people/happytoast/works/...
-------------------------------------------------
You know how they stopped selling packs of 10
cigs? Should make so you can only buy 200. It
would make it difficult to give into that had "3
pints fuck it buy some fags" thing that trips
ex-smokers into smoking again. "Yes sir/madam.
200 cigs. That'll be £110 please"
-------------------------------------------------
: SOME KIND OF FACEBOOK CHAT GAME
'Bloody Slasher' Choose Your Own Adventure
Alfie Waldron writes, "Hi! I've recently
launched a free game that I think would make a
great feature in your newsletter. It's called
Another Bloody Slasher – a choose your own
adventure game played through Facebook
Messenger, which is inspired by all your
favourite '90s slasher movies. Every choice has
a consequence. Every turn could be your last.
And in true movie style, you've got to scream,
run and slash your way to survival." We'll be
honest - we didn't get very far with this
before we get fed up Facebook giving us alerts
but we like the idea.
http://m.me/AnotherBloodySlasher
-------------------------------------------------
Pedantic repliers on Twitter would be brilliant
if they were instead fixing Wikipedia.
-------------------------------------------------
: IMAGE CHALLENGE
This week: Animal Halloween
Halloween is almost upon us, but why should
humans be the only ones enjoying scary movies,
dressing up as ghouls and stuffing ourselves
with sweets? Let's give the animal kingdom the
full Halloween treatment.
https://b3ta.com/challenge/animalhalloween/popular...
-------------------------------------------------
"I get really angry about people with type 2
diabetes who mismanage their condition. I mean,
it's ridiculous. It's a straightforward condition
to manage, with diet and exercise or medication
if necessary. And yet, some patients neglect
their own health so much that they end up costing
the NHS a fortune with totally avoidable
consequences: heart disease, eye problems, kidney
damage... when it gets to the stage that people's
toes have to be amputated, they really are taking
the piss. I'm lack-toes intolerant."
Joke from 'The Hedgehog From Hell' - write your
own:
https://b3ta.com/questions/imsorryivewrittenajoke/...
-------------------------------------------------
: DO YOU NEED PR STUFF?
Patreon ad thingie
Do you want some PR? Maybe you want relations
with the public? Then there's one man you
should call and his name is ED.
https://www.ezpr.com/
-------------------------------------------------
: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates
* YOU ARE JEFF BEZO - enjoyable text only game
where you're asked to choose how you'd spend
Jeff Bezos' money. (We'd spend it on making
concept albums with Trevor Horn, but sadly
there was no option for that.)
https://direkris.itch.io/you-are-jeff-bezos
* WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE HASSLED BY JOURNOS IN
THE MIDDLE OF A PERSONAL TRAGEDY - Dan Hett is
the brother of a victim in the Manchester
bombings and explains, "Sorry To Bother You is
a short video game I made about technology and
journalists. Now you too can experience
large-scale press intrusion from the comfort of
your own home - every message in this game is
real."
http://danhett.itch.io/sorry
* BEATLES FILM CURIO - in 1976, musical
documentary maker Tony Palmer decided to mix
WW2 footage and Beatles songs into a movie. The
film bombed but Leo Sayer screaming "I Am The
Walrus" over soldiers on fire is genuinely
disturbing and might actually be art / a bit
much.
https://www.youtube.com/watch
* MATHS 4CHAN PROOF - a mathematical proof
based on work first published on 4chan as a way
to work out how to optimally watch an anime
series. Makes you wonder what other genius is
hiding in the wilds.
https://twitter.com/robinhouston/status/1054637891...
* AI ART RIP OF - interesting story involving
the first AI generated work of art selling for
£400k or something mad. The interesting fact
being that the code was taken from open source,
from a guy I follow on twitter, and they didn't
credit him. This guy: the story is in his
thread. Was supposed to sell for 10k but sold
for 400. It really pissed me off how he was not
even mentioned in any of the news reports. He
must be gutted
https://twitter.com/DrBeef_/status/105528564042048...
* CHUBBY CHECKER SINGING ABOUT DIG DUG - the
unexpected retro game news of the week
http://namcomuseum.tumblr.com/post/179152877493/fr...
-------------------------------------------------
: HEADLINES OF THE WEEK
Sentences from the world's finest journalists
* "Used condom flies out of Co-Op fridge and
strikes shoppers" (Grimsby Telegraph)
* "Man calls 999 because he refuses to break
into a £10 note for 3p at petrol station"
(Nottingham Post)
* "Why does it smell of poo in Plymouth"
(Plymouth Herald)
* "Poster appears claiming seagulls are
government surveillance drones" (Brighton
Argus)
* "Couple found sleeping in flat with a stolen
sex toy and a packet of custard creams" (Dundee
Evening Telegraph)
* "Man advises "Don't let strippers in your
house" after all his guns are stolen" (Fox 32)
* "Mounties tell people to remember to lock
their doors after couple enter wrong house,
clean it" (Toronto GlobalNews)
* "Train breaks down after driver honks its
horn too much" (Edinburgh News)
Compiled by Scaryduck. Buy his fucking book you
fucks.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B07GL8ZDL...
-------------------------------------------------
We've said it before and we'll say it again. If
you want political change in the world you need
to crowdfund assassins on the dark web to
systematically murder the CEOs of the FTSE 100
until they all agree to stop evading tax.
-------------------------------------------------
: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make some shite and tell us
* CLASSIC MOVIES FOR PHONES - why not pan and
scan films to portrait format for phones? OK,
it's not a good idea but it might be fun to
make film nerds angry.
* RAZZLE REVIEW - Buy a copy of Razzle and read
it for the articles. Apparently it's still
being published, we haven't checked but
* MORE PODCASTS - A podcast like Reply All's
Yes Yes No, called "The Ratio" where they
explore a tweet and explain to a confused third
party why someone got ratio'd.
Share yours doings:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
-------------------------------------------------
: PATREON THANKS
You lovely people
*STOOBERT*, *JOSH MCMILLAN*, *TOM JENKINS
BATES*, *JON GRANT*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*,
*TREVOR BURTON-MCCREADIE*, *MR PHIL DONNELLY*,
*KATE*, *JAMES PETTS*, *STEWART NOLAN*, *MARK
MCCREADIE*, *ALEX MORRIS*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*
GEORGE STEPHENSON, NAT KING COLESLAW, ANDREW
WREN, JAMES CRONIN, ALISTAIR, IAN SHEEN, MARK
ADAMSON, ANDREW FLEMMING, ALAN CHARLTON,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, JAIMIE VANDENBERGH,
CHRIS BLAKENEY, BEVAN JOHNSON, CRISS MORENO, JO
APPS, CHRIS LOCKE, ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, GREG
MCGOWAN, RICHARD BARCLAY, PATRICK CATES, 24-7
DEATH, TOM WRIGHT, JON BINSTEAD, SIMON
NICHOLLS, CHRIS CARLINE, BRIAN EELES, MICHAEL
TRINDER, 5 + REWARD DESCRIPTION, EUGENIE VT,
TOM DOLAN.
lee burnett, Bloonface , Shane McHugh, Joe
Banner, Chris Garratt, Jim Woodward, Rebecca
McManus, Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Martin Davies,
George Preston, Chris Saunders, Mike Middleton,
Richard Matthias, AuntieSash Hazlewood, Brad
Gregory, Graham Licence, Paul Rose (Mr Biffo),
Ed Can Do, C Bond, Fergus McKay, Steve herman,
Alex Walsh Atkins, Mick Curtis, Craig Turner,
Joshua Thomasson, Dog Byte, Fearghas , Chris
Gough, fourstar , Jonty Wareing, Nathaniel
Bandersnatch, Montocat , Rob Affleck, Rhys
Wynne, Marina de Joslin, Jasper Koning, Ryan
Rhodes, Chris Whitworth, James Macinnes, Geoff
Tidey, John Higgs, Daniel Chote, Geoffrey
Balme, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Mark Wilson, Paul
Cherry, Nick Ross, Ian Beveridge, Alex Mastin,
Raul Arreola, Faith H. Martin, David King,
Jaymie Thomas, Sam Russell, David Knoll, Ben
Watson, Simon Holmes, Steve P, Gaynor Clarkson,
Saleem Ahmad, nicholas martin, Jim MacArthur,
John Hammersley, Andy Yates`, Andy Webber,
David Gardiner, Adam Molloy, Simon McDougall,
Craig Tonks, Anna , Peter Gosling, Jason
Stewart, Dave Nattriss, Philip Kinchington, Ian
Boltz, Matt Drewry, Derek ROBERTS, Robbie
Lesiuk, Bertram Wooster, Adam Inglis, James
Clayton, Jim Frayling, Mike Middleton, Scott
S. Kramer, Joe Simmonds, Julie Brumlik, Rob
Mahon, Paul Leader, Ivan Kelly, Jǐm
McNǐven, Paul Healey, Andy Ashton, Tom
Rees-Williams, David Mills, Martin Beer,
midnightrambler , matsimpsk , Jim Halfpenny,
Dave Tickle, Matthew Forman, Gareth Noyce,
Chris Paterson, James Woods, pookong , oliver
bewes, Iain , Adam Cooney, Sam Anderson, Albion
Gray, Rupert Hull, Simon waterfall, Paul
Westerman, Courtenay Ferris, Andy Tillett, Essy
Dave, Martin Peache, Jerry Quartley, Bertil
Hansson, Carl Morgan, Mark Hibbett, Daniel
Brown, Rich Pope, John Matthews, JOHNNY
WATTERS, Jamie Taylor, Adrian Woodfield, Stuart
Ashen, Vicki Jakes, Jane Baker, Paul Smith,
Will Goulden, Simon Cowan, Robin Whitmore,
Steven Smith, Matthew Wilkes, Dan Stott,
Siobhan McNally, Bill Atkinson, Starlord
Mixtape, Gneissrocks , Steve Prowse, Tyronne
Mann, Andy Storrar, Jay Roche, Peter Willman,
Sarah Williamson, Kevin Johnston, Tom Gleeson,
Ed Cook, Catroaster , Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
mil jamieson, Tom Crick, Ben Burton, Peter
Ashtray, Adam Atack, AC , Derek Law, David
Catley, John Foster, Matt Buchanan, Matthew
Collinge, Joey moore, Mark Hill, Joe McNally,
Tom Ryan, Peter McMinn, Ryan Doran, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Wil Hadden, James Donnelly, Frank
Hollis, sean casely, Al Davidson, martin
mackenzie, Gus Nicol, Martin Holloway, Mike
Davis, Steve Thornton, Tim Mouncer, peter
wouda, Fraser Lewry, Matthew Morris, Rob
Vincent, Chris Shaw, Rick Lindley, Greg
Neilson, blossomshed , Jude Evans, Kev Adams,
Simon Smith, @mattdawhit , Brian Lancaster,
Iain Henshaw, Mathew Smith, Gia Milinovich,
Fiona James, Robert Hills, Anne-Marie Scott,
James Kerry-Barnard, Greenfox , Neil de
Carteret, Stephen Waller, Luke Mepham, Stuart
Alldred, Adam Lloyd, Andrew Scheuber, Chris
Branch, Jonathan Wooddin, OBiW4N SHiNOBi,
Dominic Haigh, TownsendsPublisher , Steve
Anglesey, Iain Brassington, Heidi Colthup, Ross
Carter, Chris Evans, Edward Almond, James
Golbey, Johnnie Shannon, Alex Lovett, Peter
Coombe, David Ault, Kate Devlin, James
Shakespeare, Tim Weaver, Lisa Westhaven, James
O'Malley, Emma Lay, RossOverThere , Tim Jokl,
Catherine McAllister, Steve Laker, Damien
Smith, Jim Dabell, John Faragher, Eric von
Borstel, Malcolm Franks, Richard Beckett, ,
William Garratt, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, Iain
Moffatt, Justin Brett, Louise Allen, David
Green, Riven A Buckley, Robin , Luche , Ian
Appleby, Pete , Tobie Fysh, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, David Barton, Jess Baker, Tom
Freke, Jan Spielhoff, Sean Flanagan, Mike
Congreve, Chris Johnson, John Field, Emma
Sykes, Carl Mesner Lyons, Ross Dobson, David
Stark, Adam Beardwood, Danny Kodicek, Dominic
Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson, Chris Goode, Andrew
Robinson, Nicky Hewgill, Michael Kitt, Tim
Beachy, Rose Johnson, Paul Topping, Connor
Parslow, Daniel Moeller, Irene Semanchuk,
Alexandre Strube, Craig Naples, Richard Speed,
Alastair Dodd, Rhys Jones, Joseph Mulvaney,
Julie Beacock, Sentient Meatbag, Dan Tasse,
peter royal, Harry Wearne, Duncan STrickland,
Andy Candler, Peter Cooper, Deny Coughlan, Russ
Anderson, Nick Kent, Jonathan , Phil H, Andrew
Anderson, Ian Silvester, Ben Webb, Graham
Freeman, Dave Gee, Wine School of Philadelphia,
John Griffiths, Nick Murdoch, Rob Potter, James
Meers, 5telios , Paul Mancini, Al Napp, Tanya
Kant, Jon Ramster, David Whittam, Jace Otting,
BSG , Andrew Harris, Chris Ward, Adam Tickner,
Peter , Emily Payne, Tim Polglase, Ted Bowyer,
Matt Carr, Bobod , Michael Bryan, Richard
Midwinter, Neil Ives, Mark Ryan, Ben Chapman,
David Bond, Ben , Robert Simpson, Gary Sharp,
Andy Shirling, Fenris Games, James , Jim
Lucking, mark madgwick, Ben Sugden, Russell
Webster, Sham Courtney, Louis E, Andrea Vail,
Rohan , Sam Brown, Marc Lindberg, Hugh Noble,
Nigel Ford, Gwyn Fisher, Matt Loren, Centuries
of Sound, Amy Oliver, Christina Freeman, Paul
Braithwaite, Tom Clark, Gregg Kuljian, Richard
Abraham, Paul Slade, Alex Wrottesley, Ivan
Shiel, Claire Allen, Iain M Barker, Dan Fairs,
Tony East, Cat Conner, Jennifer Moquin, Claire
Zolkwer, Seirian Hanner, Thea Mallett, Nick ,
ben cowell-thomas, Robert Purkis, Oli , Andy
Nattan, Alex Wren, Martin Vindahl Olsen, Ilya
Čolak-Antić, Adam Kaczmarek, Mike
Carter, Daz Wright, Stewart C. Russell, John M,
P Underwood, Thepfy , Hadleigh Charles, Mark
McIntosh, Stephen Williams, Peter Wood, Darren
John Harris, Mike Booth, Simon Lumb, Tim
Knight, FuzzyFreaks , Stephen McAuley, Phil
Barns, wigglywigglyworm , Lyra Jay, Lee Ball,
Richard keeling, David Ellinor, Rachel Tougas,
Ben Groom, Mr Flibble, Dave The Hammer Parry,
Emma Nicol, Paul Bayfield, Swedemason , Jon
Bounds, Stéphane.
Other thanks: Rob Manuel for writing this
shite. Monkeon, HappyToast, Matt Round, Wil &
Krix for other stuff.
Bung us some money. Thank you.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
-------------------------------------------------
: TOP TIP
Help your neighbour to get a day off work by
secretly injecting his pint of milk outside his
house with exlax. (robneymcplum)
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/toptips/all
-------------------------------------------------
: ANY OTHER BUSINESS?
* Sub to the newsletter via
https://www.b3ta.com/subscribe/
* Unsub
<unsubscribe>If you must but you shouldn't</unsubscribe>
* Submit YOUR content to newsletter:
https://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
* Fund the newsletter via the patreon:
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
