NEWSLETTER: "SHATTERHAND! HE'S THE MAN, THE MAN WHO HAS SHAT IN HIS HAND"
"SHATTERHAND! He's the man, the man who has shat in his hand"
This Week:
* WEBSITE - Is Britain Great? (spoiler: no)
* EUROTRASH - Revived as pirated internet content
* GOATSE - Back as a plan to steal your cash
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We got bored of screaming
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | into the abyss, so now we
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| whisper into cracks"
B3ta email 710 - 22 Feb 2019
Read this issue shouting "r u one 1 matie?"
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue710
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS WEEK
Other than making sinister jam
>> Is Britain Great? <<
WrittenBittern writes, "As requested in
newsletter 709... a single page 'no' gif
compilation with musical accompaniment."
Hooray! Someone listened to one of our stupid
requests. Amazing.
https://isbritaingreatagain.com
>> Eurotrash clip roulette <<
Monkeon writes, "It's basically a Eurotrash
version of the 90s button, which I was hoping
would make my YouTube recommendations amazing,
but YouTube still think I want to watch Jordan
Peterson and Nigel Farage instead of Mr Blow-Up
and Dschinghis Khan."
https://www.monkeon.co.uk/eurotrashroulette/
>> Alan Partridge fans causing online trouble <<
Matthew Richardson writes, "I added the
Longstanton Spice Museum to Google Maps. It's
been up for about 3 weeks, now. The reviews are
mildly amusing." Let's check shall we? "Lovely
stuff. I spent the best Valentine's Day I’ve
had in eight years here today."
https://goo.gl/maps/YLjADJMvZkH2
>> George Ezra vs David Cameron <<
Legendary mash-up artist Swedemason writes, "I
made another vid for joe.co.uk. Watching his
conference speeches is interesting in
hindsight. Just about everything he promises,
the opposite is happening."
https://b3ta.com/links/Shotgone
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Your DJ name is the word "DJ" followed by
something that would make you relevant to your
targeted demographic.
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Flat, slow, not clicky video
* IS IT POSSIBLE TO PLAY MARIO ON A PRINTER? -
this thread claims so, by connecting a NES and
printing it out. Would be fun thing for someone
to recreate & video. Assuming it's not made-up
bollocks.
https://twitter.com/Foone/status/10976377728090112...
* WHICH FACE IS REAL OR AI? We were quite good
at spotting AI faces after a bit, the tells
were often in the teeth and asymmetric make-up,
but the point is you have to look carefully,
it's not obvious.
http://www.whichfaceisreal.com/index.php
* THE RETURN OF GOATSE - no longer resolving to
some dude showing his collapsed butthole but a
blockchain update of the MillionDollarHomePage
idea, so you can buy the pixels on the site
forever for the low low price of some
"Ethereums".
https://goatse.cx/
* GOAT OR THROAT QUIZ - proving that goat sound
pretty human, although the quiz name implies
that goats don't have throats which would
surprise some butchers.
https://www.goatorthroat.com
* VIDEO GAME DEATH SCREEN GENERATOR - if you
want a Pokemon death screen saying "I've fucked
a spork" then you're in luck. That and more.
http://deathgenerator.com/#ss2
* SHIT COMPUTER GAMES WIKI - if we could be
arsed to "stream" it would probably be mostly
playing old crap games and going "this is
absolute wank".
https://crappygames.miraheze.org/wiki/Category:ZX_...
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Phrases that Americans believe the British use
for water:
Council Lambrusco
Drippy Pipe Lickings
Fairtrade Taponade
Faucet Beer
Government Milk
Gutter Guinness
Poverty Pimms
Seawater Direct
Tap Shandy
Thames Juice
Churchill's Piss
Sink Hops
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Political Pop
Last we we asked you to pop the lol into
po-lol-itics and make political pop. Here's
three of the best:
* JEREMY CORBYN VS JOHN LYDON - from Ninj.
http://b3ta.com/board/11277772
* BEASTIE BOYS vs FARAGE - from monkeon.
http://b3ta.com/board/11278135
* CHRIS GRAYLING vs CHRIS DE BURGH - from S4RK.
http://b3ta.com/board/11277897
See all the other images from the 'Political
Pop' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/politicalpop
>> This week: geek art <<
What could be more B3ta than nerdy computer
related stuff mixed with famous works of art?
Shove your Nyan cats in to Van Gogh's Night Sky
or go the whole hog and code up some AI that
can auto generate a new Picasso.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/geekart
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There's no word, or combination of two words that
hasn't played the Dublin Castle. The Dublinarity
was reached in 2018 and a new member of Menswear
was formed with the density of a black hole.
-------------------------------------------------
: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Free ideas for the idea poor:
* IRISH SEINFELD - we recently misread
@sinnfeinireland as @seinfeldinireland, which
would be an account we'd probably chuckle at
you have the writing chops to pull it off
* A BOT THAT WATCHES NETFLIX SERIES PEOPLE ARE
TALKING ABOUT - so we don't have to.
* ARE GOOGLEWHACKS STILL POSSIBLE? Write some
code that systematically throws two random
words at Google and then tweets with an update
if it ever finds one. Maybe it never tweets.
Who knows?
* RETRO PAPER CON - we'd like a retro computing
exhibition that was just the ephemera children
made in the 1980s. Tape inlays. Copied ads in
biro. Maps of games on graph paper. Copied
colour charts. It's sorta more evocative than
the games as it's less celebrated & it was the
culture as it was lived.
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Stuff that costs the same price as four tickets
to see Lego Movie 2:
* 5 months of Netflix
* 10 bottles of cheap wine
* 120 sausages from M&S
* 200 sausages from M&S (lower quality)
* 700 sausages (Sainsbury's Basic)
You pays your money and you takes your choice.
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: CREDIT
Written by Rob Manuel. Link help from Monkeon &
Matt Round. Some proofing from Wil Hadden.
Subject line robbed from a @ManOnThe100 tweet.
Sorry.
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Remember: you can ignore the parliamentary soap
opera and vote for the the party most likely to
win in your your constituency who isn't the
Tories, or you can be glued to every plot twist.
Either will give you same result but one will
give you more time to learn the trombone.
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: PATREON THANKS
We love you
* BIGGEST BROTHERS: *EUGENIE VT*, *ALEX
MORRIS*, *HEBTROCO*, *JAMES O'BRIEN*, *JAMES
PETTS*, *JON GRANT*, *KATE*, *MARK MCCREADIE*,
*MR PHIL DONNELLY*, *SHOWRAT*, *SIMON JAMES*,
*STOOBERT*, *24-7 DEATH*, *ALAN CHARLTON*,
*ALISTAIR*, *ANDREW FLEMMING*, *ANDREW WREN*,
*BEVAN JOHNSON*, *BRIAN EELES*, *CHRIS
BLAKENEY*, *CHRIS CARLINE*, *CHRIS LOCKE*,
*CRISS MORENO*, *GEORGE STEPHENSON*, *GREG
MCGOWAN*, *IAN SHEEN*, *JAIMIE VANDENBERGH*,
*JAMES CRONIN*, *JON BINSTEAD*, *MARK ADAMSON*,
*MICHAEL TRINDER*, *NAT KING COLESLAW*,
*PATRICK CATES*, *RICHARD BARCLAY*, *SIMON
NICHOLLS*, *SPAZZCAPTAIN*, *TOM DOLAN*, *WENDY
GOODE
* BIGGER BROTHERS: NICK MORGAN, LEE BURNETT,
@MATTDAWHIT, ADAM ATACK, ADAM COONEY, ADAM
INGLIS, ADAM LLOYD, ADRIAN WOODFIELD, AL
DAVIDSON, ALBION GRAY, ANDREW SCHEUBER, ANDY
ASHTON, ANDY STORRAR, ANDY TILLETT, ANDY
WEBBER, ANDY YATES`, ANNA, ANNE-MARIE SCOTT,
AUNTIESASH HAZLEWOOD, BEN BRICE, BEN WARD, BEN
WATSON, BERTIL HANSSON, BERTRAM WOOSTER, BEX
COOK, BLOSSOMSHED, BRAD GREGORY, BYRON GEOFFREY
FARROW, C BOND, CARL MORGAN, CATHERINE
MCALLISTER, CATROASTER, CHEF TWAT, CHRIS
BRANCH, CHRIS EVANS, CHRIS GARRATT, CHRIS
GOUGH, CHRIS PATERSON, CHRIS SAUNDERS, CHRIS
SHAW, CHRIS WHITWORTH, CIARÁN R, COURTENAY
FERRIS, CRAIG LIDDELL, CRAIG TONKS, CRAIG
TURNER, DAMIEN SMITH, DAN STOTT, DANIEL BROWN,
DANIEL CHOTE, DAVE NATTRISS, DAVE TICKLE, DAVID
AULT, DAVID CATLEY, DAVID GARDINER, DAVID
GREEN, DAVID KING, DAVID KNOLL, DAVID MILLS,
DEREK LAW, DEREK ROBERTS, DOMINIC HAIGH, ED CAN
DO, ED COOK, EDWARD ALMOND, EMMA LAY, ERIC VON
BORSTEL, ESSY DAVE, FAITH H. MARTIN, FEARGHAS,
FERGUS MCKAY, FIONA JAMES, FOURSTAR, FRASER
LEWRY, FUNKSTER, GAYNOR CLARKSON, GEOFF TIDEY,
GEOFFREY BALME, GEORGE PRESTON, GIA MILINOVICH,
GNEISSROCKS, GRAHAM LICENCE, GREENFOX, GREG
NEILSON, GUS NICOL, HANNAH CHUBB, HEIDI
COLTHUP, HELEN GASKELL, IAIN, IAIN BRASSINGTON,
IAIN FULLER, IAIN HENSHAW, IAIN MOFFATT, IAIN
RUXTON, IAN BEVERIDGE, IAN BOLTZ, IVAN KELLY,
JAMES CLAYTON, JAMES DONNELLY, JAMES GOLBEY,
JAMES KERRY-BARNARD, JAMES MACINNES, JAMES
O'MALLEY, JAMES PEARSON, JAMES SHAKESPEARE,
JAMIE TAYLOR, JANE BAKER, JASON STEWART, JAY
ROCHE, JAYMIE THOMAS, JERRY QUARTLEY, JIM
DABELL, JIM FRAYLING, JIM HALFPENNY, JIM
MACARTHUR, JIM WOODWARD, JOE BANNER, JOE
MCNALLY, JOE SIMMONDS, JOEY MOORE, JOHN
FARAGHER, JOHN FOSTER, JOHN HAMMERSLEY, JOHN
HIGGS, JOHN MATTHEWS, JOHNNIE SHANNON, JOHNNY
WATTERS, JONTY WAREING, JOSH MCMILLAN, JOSHUA
THOMASSON, JUDE EVANS, JUSTIN BRETT, JǏM
MCNǏVEN, KATE DEVLIN, KEV ADAMS, KONRAD
PETRUSEWICZ, LISA WESTHAVEN, LOUISE ALLEN, LUKE
MEPHAM, MARINA DE JOSLIN, MARK HIBBETT, MARK
WILSON, MARTIN BEER, MARTIN DAVIES, MARTIN
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MATTHEW WILKES, MICK CURTIS, MIDNIGHTRAMBLER,
MIKE MIDDLETON, MIL JAMIESON, MONTOCAT, NEIL DE
CARTERET, NICK ROSS, OBIW4N SHINOBI, OLIVER
BEWES, PAUL CHERRY, PAUL LEADER, PAUL SMITH,
PAUL WESTERMAN, PETER ASHTRAY, PETER COOMBE,
PETER GOSLING, PETER MCMINN, PETER WOUDA,
PHILIP KINCHINGTON, POOKONG, REBECCA MCMANUS,
RHYS WYNNE, RICH POPE, RICHARD BECKETT, RICHARD
MATTHIAS, RICK LINDLEY, RIVEN A BUCKLEY, ROB
AFFLECK, ROB MAHON, ROB VINCENT, ROBBIE LESIUK,
ROBERT HILLS, ROBIN, ROSS CARTER,
ROSSOVERTHERE, RUPERT HULL, RYAN DORAN, RYAN
RHODES, SALEEM AHMAD, SAM ANDERSON, SAM
RUSSELL, SARAH WILLIAMSON, SCOTT S. KRAMER,
SEAN CASELY, SIMON COWAN, SIMON HOLMES, SIMON
MCDOUGALL, SIMON SMITH, SIMON WATERFALL,
STARLORD MIXTAPE, STEPHEN WALLER, STEVE
ANGLESEY, STEVE LAKER, STEVE PROWSE, , STEVEN
SMITH, STEVEY GARLAND, STEWART NOLAN, STUART
ALLDRED, STUART ASHEN, TIM JOKL, TIM MOUNCER,
TIM WEAVER, TOM CRICK, TOM HEBBRON, TOM
REES-WILLIAMS, TOM RYAN, TOM WRIGHT,
TOWNSENDSPUBLISHER, TYRONNE MANN, VICKI JAKES,
WIL HADDEN, WILL GOULDEN, GAVIN TOMMEY, IAN
APPLEBY, PETE, STUART RICHARDS, TOBIE FYSH,
CARL MESNER LYONS, CHRIS JOHNSON, EMMA SYKES,
JAN SPIELHOFF, JESS BAKER, JOHN FIELD, MIKE
CONGREVE, SEAN FLANAGAN, TOM FREKE, ED ZITRON,
ADAM BEARDWOOD, DAVID STARK, ALASTAIR DODD,
ALEXANDRE STRUBE, ANDREW ROBINSON, ANDY
CANDLER, CHRIS GOODE, CONNOR PARSLOW, CRAIG
NAPLES, DAN TASSE, DANIEL MOELLER, DANNY
KODICEK, DOMINIC LE GARSMEUR, DUNCAN
STRICKLAND, HARRY, IRENE SEMANCHUK, JOSEPH
MULVANEY, JULIE BEACOCK, MARK BENSON, MICHAEL
KITT, NICKY HEWGILL, PAUL TOPPING, PETER ROYAL,
RICHARD SPEED, ROSE JOHNSON, SENTIENT MEATBAG,
TIM BEACHY
* BIG BROTHERS: Deny Coughlan, Peter Cooper,
Nick Kent, Russ Anderson, 5telios, Adam
Kaczmarek, Adam Tickner, Al Napp, Alex Wren,
Alex Wrottesley, Amy Oliver, Andrea Vail,
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Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben Groom, Ben
Sugden, Ben Webb, Bobod, BSG, Cat Conner,
Centuries of Sound, Chris Ward, Christina
Freeman, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Dan
Fairs, Darren John Harris, Dave The Hammer
Parry, David Bond, David Ellinor, David
Whittam, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
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Bayfield, Paul Braithwaite, Paul Mancini, Paul
Slade, Peter, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
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Stephen Williams, Stewart C. Russell, Stéphane,
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400g of salt is 25p in M&S. Delicious and zero
calories too.
-------------------------------------------------
: AND SPECIAL THANKS TO ED
For being our biggest patreon
Follow him on the Twitter. Go on.
https://twitter.com/edzitron
-------------------------------------------------
Which band should do an ad for spermicidal
condoms?
Johnnies Hate Jizz.
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: TOP TIP
Labour. Get into power, by not being quite so
shit. (Muns)
http://b3ta.com/questions/toptips
