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NEWSLETTER: "THE NEWSLETTER THAT HAS SEEN OUT SIX BRITISH PRIME MINISTERS"

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This Week:
* QUIZ - Date that London footage
* SURVEY RESULTS - What's the most boring stuff?
* NEW CHALLENGE - Business movies

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________  ____ __  ___
____/  _)|_  // /_/ _ |  "We're shaving the web
___/  _ |/_ </ __/ __ |  and uploading the hairs
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_|      to archive.org"

B3ta email 865 - 16th June 2023

Read this issue after a blow to the head:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue865

Subscribe, wanks: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/

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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
  Other than making their pets worried

  * LONDON TIME QUIZ - Monkeon writes, "I've made
  a new quiz, which is kind-of a mash-up of
  Chronophoto and those full-screen city walkabout
  sites. Can you tell what year the London footage
  is from?" We loved this and think Monkeon is
  really onto something here - we could have
  played it for hours.
https://monkeon.co.uk/the-great-when/

  * HOW BORING ARE YOU? Matt Round writes, "We
  asked thousands of British people to pick the
  dullest stuff they could think of. See if your
  name/city/job/hobby is listed." This newsletter
  is pretty upset to be living in the most boring
  city, with the second most boring name. FIX!
https://vole.wtf/britains-most-boring/

  * TWITTER UPGRADE - in a small addition to our
  Twitter account, we needed to fix the
  auto-posting of front pages images (thanks Elon
  for breaking that) and now it's better than
  ever, as it mentions what image challenge the
  submission is from, for a bit of context and
  promo. Neat.
https://twitter.com/b3ta

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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
  Idea gifts for the men in your life

  Hebtro are good eggs as they sponsor B3ta and
  Fesshole and thus help your editor Rob Manuel to
  fuck around moderating endless content instead
  of having to return to being a milkman. Please
  help this continue by buying Hebtro clothes, all
  made in the UK, to the highest standards so they
  won't be fucked in one wash like most fast
  fashion. Oh and there's a sale on:
https://hebtro.co/its-a-sale/

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: FESSHOLE 
  Readers' confessions shared for cheap lols

  Each week we pick out a few lies you've typed
  into a Google form and throw them out on the
  internet asking "what the fuck is this?"

  * LOO ROLLS - "During military training in 2000,
  I walked into my friends room to see 5 guys
  sitting on chairs and masturbating to porn on
  the single TV. They had loo roll tubes taped to
  their faces like binoculars, as making eye
  contact would be gay. I left very quietly."

  * OOPS - "Wife was convinced something was wrong
  with our 2 1/2 y/o as she kept walking into
  things and falling over. She ran upstairs to
  make an appointment for someone to see her.
  Turns out I'd put both of her legs through the
  same hole in her shorts and she couldn't move
  properly."

  * GOOD PLAN "I ran my own IT company for 26
  years. During that time, it was just me, but i
  created 15 other phantom people with email
  addresses to make my company seem bigger. I even
  had email disagreements with the virtual people
  when emailing customers. No customer ever
  questioned it."

  Join the 45 people who've followed this account
  mistaking it for that unfunny one that posts
  clips of Benny Hill sketches, with a badly
  photoshopped mask of Boris Johnson pasted on.
  Link goes to best of May 2023 - our first
  best-of in ages - so worth a click.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/16682620532854...
  
  Why not buy the book? It costs fuck all at £6.99
  and it's genuinely entertaining and recently
  made at least one person laugh.
https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb

  TICKETS FOR SHOW! It's Belfast this Sunday, do
  come to that, and we've also got tickets for
  sale in Bristol (ok, sold out), Newcastle,
  Leicester and that London.
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole

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: SITES IN BRIEF
  Load this up on Lynx on your 

  * PASSWORD ATTACK - This site is logging every
  username and password that hackers are using
  when attempting to gain access to its server.
  Apparently 123456 and passw0rd aren't
  particularly good choices. Who knew?  No one has
  guessed d0gp00 yet, so that's definitely a
  strong one.
https://brute.fail

  * ADVANCED LAWNMOWER SIMULATOR REDUX - from an
  April fools joke by Your Sinclair magazine way
  back in 1988,  this slick 35th anniversary
  edition contains all the fun of the original,
  but with less colour clash and a balding target
  audience who now own their own lawnmowers. 
https://benjames171.itch.io/advanced-lawnmower-sim...

  * MEAT THE AI - It's easy to worry about AI Chat
  giving people incorrect or even dangerous
  advice.  However, this one seems to have solved
  those troubling glitches and gives you great
  advice every time.
https://meat-gpt.sonnet.io

  * HEADLINE OF THE YEAR - well let's type that
  out for you in case you can't be arsed to click
  "Sonic The Hedgehog Co-Creator Yuji Naka
  Sentenced To Prison For Insider Trading." We
  guess he was the evil Doctor Robotnik all along.
  
https://www.gameinformer.com/news/2023/06/01/sonic...

  * BORIS RESIGNS - an amusing short produced by
  B3ta veteran Swedemason for JOE. And no, they
  are not paying us. As if.
https://b3ta.com/links/Goodfellows_Boris_Johnson_r...

  * SALAD LOLS - we've got a weakness for food
  horror humour. As if David Cronenberg was a
  fussy eater.
https://b3ta.com/links/How_to_make_a_salad

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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
  Expand Art

  Here's the best images from last week's Expand
  Art challenge, which as we've said before, is
  one of our best challenges in ages. Here's our
  favs:

  * The Treachery of Crocodiles from plankton 
https://b3ta.com/board/11394747

  * Chris Barker takes Joel Goodman's famous photo
  and does some magic
https://b3ta.com/board/11394550

  * The genius that is Happy Toast delivers some
  of his finest work
https://b3ta.com/board/11394554

  * See all the other images from the 'Expand Art'
  challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/expandart/popular

  >> This week: Business Movies <<
  We've recently had movies about the deals behind
  Air Jordan shoes, Tetris and the BlackBerry
  phone. But what about Alan Sugar's hard work on
  the Amstrad Em@iler or Noel's fight for
  Blobbyland? Let's make some movies about the
  serious world of business.
http://b3ta.com/challenge/businessmovies/popular

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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
  Some ideas to kick you off

  * MIRROR PLATES - Roger Cotton asks "You asked
  for code to generate rude number plates.  My
  first million dollar idea which has been left on
  the scrap heap of effortless coasting was
  'mirror plates' which are innocuous but rude
  when looked at in a rear view mirror. More
  likely to get past DVLA. Code that. I'll take
  £100,000."

  * HOW POSH IS YOUR NAME? - don't you want to
  know exactly how posh or common your name is? We
  can see exactly how to achieve this but also
  can't be arsed so you do it.

  * MOCK JOHNSON'S NEW COLUMN - @RichTysoe says
  "there is going to be an 'Adrian Chiles or Boris
  Johnson' online web quiz before the end of next
  week" - why disappoint him? 

  Don't be a twee fail, send us an email:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/

-------------------------------------------------

: PATREON THANKS 
  We love all these people. Almost romantically.

  *HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
  MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
  JAMES* *STOOBERT*

  24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
  EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
  LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
  VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
  SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
  ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH

  Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
  lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
  Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
  Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
  Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
  Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
  blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
  Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
  Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
  Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
  Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
  Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
  H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
  Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
  Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
  Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
  Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
  Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
  Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
  McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
  Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
  Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
  Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
  Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
  Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
  Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
  mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
  OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
  Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
  Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
  pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
  Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
  RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
  sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
  McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
  Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
  Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
  Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
  Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
  Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
  Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
  Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
  Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
  Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
  Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
  James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
  Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
  Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
  Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
  Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
  Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
  Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
  Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
  Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
  Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
  Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
  Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
  Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
  STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
  Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
  Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
  Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
  Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
  Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
  Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
  Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
  Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
  Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
  Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
  FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
  Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
  Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
  Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
  madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
  Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
  Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
  Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
  Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
  Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
  Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
  Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
  Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
  Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
  Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
  Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
  Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.

  EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
  additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
  help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
  by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (A thousand high fives -
  Kat)

  And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
  Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
  Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
  Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
  NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
  Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
  Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
  Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
  Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
  Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
  Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
  Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
  love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
  - extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
  Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
  Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
  and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
  McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
  Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
  PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
  Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
  the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
  to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
  appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
  Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
  Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
  Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
  YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
  Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
  you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
  Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
  THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.

  And do please donate as you get occasional
  "bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta

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: AH FUCK IT, BONUS FESSHOLE

  "Instead of going for beach holidays this year,
  I spent the occasional weekend rioting in Paris.
  I didn't do any damage or harm but being part of
  the mob is unbelievably exhilarating. I live in
  London and work in banking."

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