NEWSLETTER: "NEWSLETTER, 22, FLASHES UNDERBOOB AND REVEALS HTML LINKS"
This Week:
* BORING AWARD - Could YOU win it?
* NEW IMAGE CHALLENGE - it's 'Business Movies'
* PASSWORD GAME - Omg, so g00d1!
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're saving the web to
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | build a complete .net
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| model in 52 weekly parts"
B3ta email 867 - 30th June 2023
Read this issue backwards and raise the dead:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue867
Subscribe, wazzocks: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK
Other than making their right hand very sore
* THE BORING AWARD - the other week Matt Round
did a survey of things you found boring and
now he wants to find the person who most
matches all the results and give them an
award. So if you're called something like John
or Anne you're in with a shot. There's £100
and a boring trophy up for grabs.
https://vole.wtf/britains-most-boring/
* STOP TOUCHING IT, LADS - Shardcore writes,
"I came across a 1950s Christian anti-wanking
record and decided to chop it up and make it
into something new." A challenging wank to be
sure but we managed it.
https://b3ta.com/links/blert_growing_boys
* OK THIS ISN'T ONE FOR YOUR BROWSER - Mwenge
writes, "Jeff Minter never ported his game
Gridrunner to the Nintendo Entertainment
system. So I did. Maybe I don't know what I'm
doing." If you're nerdy, the 'black book'
where Mwenge talks in detail about how all
this works is pretty interesting.
https://github.com/mwenge/gridnes
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Buy some clothes ok?
Each week we thank Hebtro for sponsoring both
B3ta and Fesshole and suggest that you buy
some clothes from their website to keep your
leggies and armies warm. The site is all
stuffed with ideal gifts for men including
wallets and pen-knives, so tuck-in.
https://hebtro.co/its-a-sale/
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: FESSHOLE
Get your fesses for the lads and ladies
Fesshole is a British Twitter account which
asks strangers to type some bollocks into a
Google form and then tweets out a few bits
that makes the admin think "funny" or
"interesting".
* "FUN"ERAL - "15 yrs ago mate died of cancer.
Not a close mate but mate enough. He arranged
with me & 3 other lads to go in suits to his
funeral, speak Italian & say 'we're gonna miss
you Boss' to pretend he was secretly a
Gangster or something. His mother called the
police."
* ACCIDENTAL WORKPLACE HACK GENIUS - "Boss
just sent home from work and told me to take
as much time as I need, no questions asked
after a colleague found me at my desk with
tears streaming down my face and unable to
talk. Truth is, I've pulled a hair out my nose
and it was fucking agony."
* UP THE 'RA! - "I was with an Irish guy in
Sheffield. I went back to his flat after a
night out and he had a huge Irish Flag up on
his wall and was very pro Irish. Ended up
making me watch a documentary about all the
bad things England did to his country while we
had sex. Strange night."
Follow now the account that has only got
followers because people mistake it for the
funny one that posts conversations overheard
in Wetherspoons.
https://twitter.com/fesshole
Buy the book, although we'd advise waiting
until July to buy the Kindle version as
there's a special deal coming.
https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb
Buy tickets for the shows! The last one in
Bristol was a lot of fun as there was a B3tan
turn-out and it was great to catch up with
people like Jonti Picking, next up is
Newcastle (sold out) and then London (selling
fast) and Leicester (hey it's next year,
you've got time.)
https://sites.google.com/view/fesshole
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Bahn bahn bahn on the infobahn
* PASSWORD GAME - Neal Dotfun's latest is a
game in which you must come up with a password
to match some increasingly tough rules. The
idea has been done before, but he's come up
with some enjoyably daft rounds and made it
his own, as Louis Walsh used to say to someone
turning a banger into a ballad in 2008.
https://neal.fun/password-game/
* HOW IS MY APP IDEAS - Is there someone in
your life who keeps on at you about their app
idea? Send them this link.
https://howismyappidea.com/
* AN OLD COMPUTER YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE HEARD OF
- This article delves into the curious world
where 2,000 obscure vintage computers were
stuck on eBay. You can still buy them,
although to be honest, we don't fancy paying
the import duty.
https://www.vice.com/en/article/ak3k34/2200-forgot...
* HANDS GAME - A nonsensical but beautiful
game with a cutout animation style. Like
playing one of those Eastern European cartoons
that Channel 4 used to scare kids with in the
80s.
https://yumehiko.itch.io/hands
* OH GOD MORE WORDLE INSPIRED STUFF - A
one-a-day word game whose novelty is that you
get to play along with everyone else to try
and guess the day's phrase. It would be
absolutely impossible if you were playing on
your own, but teamwork seems to get there
eventually. There is probably a lesson in
this.
https://playteg.com
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: IMAGE CHALLENGE
Business Movies
Here's the best images from last week:
* We're always happy to see Uncle Clive,
thanks S4RK
https://b3ta.com/board/11395221
* A yellow pages gag for the younger members
of our readership - thanks Ninj
https://b3ta.com/board/11395468
* A Microsoft gag from Monkeon
https://b3ta.com/board/11395349
* See all the other images from the 'Business
Movies' challenge:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/businessmovies/popular
>> This week: Pop Merchandise <<
Pulp have just launched a range of teabags,
we've got Trooper beer from Iron Maiden and
Morrissey once sold branded condoms. But what
other merchandising opportunities are pop
stars missing?
http://b3ta.com/challenge/popmerchandise/popular
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some homework for you to work on at home
* PODCAST PITCH BOT 2000 - *Spins deck* Hitler
and *Spins deck* Simon Le Bon unite as
frenemies to talk about *spins deck* old
episodes of Blake's 7.
* GEOCITIES CHAT LIVING MUSEUM - Monkeon
writes, "And if you want a Star In Next Week's
Issue suggestion, then I was reading this
article and want someone to remake the
experience, preferably chatting to AI
characters whose cut-off date for eating the
internet was 1999."
https://cohost.org/mcc/post/325362-a-one-person-or...
* TETRIS MOVIE SEQUEL - We enjoyed watching
the Tetris movie on Apple TV and are now
hoping for a sequel where they tell the story
of how they went on to make Hatris, a version
of Tetris where you stacked hats.
Do your worst, we fucking dare you, do your worst:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit,
Adam Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine
McAllister, Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig
Tonks, Damien Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown,
Dave Nattriss, Dave Tickle, David Ault, David
Catley, David Gardiner, David King, David
Mills, Derek Law, Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay,
Eric von Borstel, Faith H. Martin, Fiona
James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor Clarkson, Gia
Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus Nicol, Iain,
Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain Ruxton,
Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James Donnelly,
James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams,
Konrad Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin
Holloway, Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt
Buchanan, Matt Drewry, Matthew Collinge,
Matthew Forman, Matthew Morris, Matthew
Wilkes, midnightrambler, mil jamieson, Neil de
Carteret, Nick Ross, OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver
bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul Smith, Paul
Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter Coombe, peter
wouda, Philip Kinchington, pookong, Rich Pope,
Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon, Rob Vincent,
Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter, RossOverThere,
Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer, sean casely,
Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon McDougall,
Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller, Steve
Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher,
Wil Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash
Hazlewood, Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat,
Chris Gough, Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner,
Daniel Chote, Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff
Tidey, Geoffrey Balme, Graham Licence, James
Macinnes, John Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick
Curtis, Rhys Wynne, Rob Affleck, Chris
Saunders, George Preston, James O'Malley,
Martin Davies, Mike Middleton, Bex Cook,
Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson, Shane
McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin
Tommey, Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete,
Carl Mesner Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes,
Jan Spielhoff, Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan,
Tom Freke, Sam Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam
Beardwood, David Stark, Julie Brumlik,
Alastair Dodd, Alexandre Strube, Andrew
Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor Parslow, Craig
Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan STrickland,
Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph Mulvaney,
Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul Topping,
peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient Meatbag,
Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark Benson,
Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent, Russ
Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren
John Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David
Bond, David Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne,
Emma Nicol, FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn
Fisher, Hugh Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya
olak-Anti, Jennifer Moquin, Jim Lucking, John
M, Jon Bounds, Lee Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay,
Marc Lindberg, mark madgwick, Matt Carr,
Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble, Neil Ives, Nick,
Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield, Paul Slade,
Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel Tougas, Richard
Abraham, Richard Midwinter, Robert Purkis,
Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown, Seirian
Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb, Stephen
McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John
Griffiths, Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya
Kant, Victoria Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline
Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image
challenge help; and Dr Dunno for extra
support. Proofing by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (A
thousand high fives - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST -
special love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart.
NEW NEWSEST - extra love love love to si
Jobling & Daniel Calvin. And bonus new love to
Douglas Pennant, Roy Santos & Will Thompson.
We love you. OH GOD, and more bonus love to
Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil McGuire & Paul
Blanchard - you sexy people. And Mike Powell
and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and PJ. Ooooh
and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank
you to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall,
Gillian Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan
Norton. Thank you, you kind humans. And...
Leighton Stevenson, Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil
Bennett. Thx. BONUS THANKS: Gillian Parrott,
Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: AH FUCK IT, BONUS GRAMMAR NAZI FESSHOLE
"I work for a large consultancy. When we hire
new graduates I have a filter set up to
automatically reject anyone who uses 'could
of' anywhere in their application. I've
rejected hundreds this way."
