NEWSLETTER: ISSUE 96: "BLOKE CLIMBS THROUGH BAT"
This Week:
* ANIM - Cheese Terrorism
* QUIZ - Flesh or Food?
* VIDEO - Bloke climbs through bat
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___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | "We're saving the
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web ... together"
B3ta email 96 - 11 Jul 2003
Read this issue in your browser:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue96/
Subscribe: [email protected]
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: B3TA SECOND BIRTHDAY PARTY
Friday 18th July 2003, London UK.
Just a quick reminder that the B3ta party
is next Friday. It's going to be ace. Come.
http://www2.b3ta.com/party/2ndbirthday.gif
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MAKING THIS WEEK
Cheese, Quiz, Vid, Bike, Tennis, Google & Biscuits
>> Weebl cheese terrorism <<
Bad boy Jonti has been in trouble for his latest
Weebl & Bob. It carries a strong anti-cheese
message and, when it first came out, gave the
phone number for the UK Cheese Society as a
helpline. Needless to say, they were most unhappy
when they caught wind and made him remove the
number post haste. Oh well, fun while it lasted.
http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/cheese.htm
>> Flesh or food quiz <<
Jasper Koning is continuing the tawdry
tradition of the b3ta either/or quizzes,
with this latest instalment. It's in black and
white, which makes it both more arty and
far more difficult. If only our fingers didn't
look exactly like carrots.
http://www.kingjay.nl/fof/
>> Patchwork video <<
Like the Surrealists of old, Fnord has been
conducting a curious experiment. He's been
asking b3ta board members to make short
animations, each leading on from the last frame
of the one before. A bit like those story telling
games we all played at junior school. The result
doesn't make a lot of sense, but there are
sporadic moments of genius.
http://www.fnord.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/m3taphase003...
>> Girls on bikes <<
Trying to imagine what it would have
been like, if Robert Smith had joined Duran
Duran instead of The Cure? Well, give
your brain a rest now. Misteralfie's rather
plaintive voice lends charm to this simple
animation, which features both girls - and bikes.
http://makeashorterlink.com/
>> Tennis World Record <<
"Last night I shaved 2 seconds off my record,"
yelps LP, "for climbing through a tennis
racquet." Blimey. He does as well. Skinny
little monkey.
http://www.lpbk.net/tennis/lp_racket.mpg
>> Talk to Google <<
"This is only ever online when I am," mews IZB,
but I'll make sure it's running on Friday afternoon."
Add Google to your MSN contacts and try
to communicate with it. The results are weird,
but if all the crap we read on the net is true
then this is the closest thing to talking to God
you'll find without the aid of hallucinogens.
http://www.yeahbutisitart.com/chattogoogle/
>> Biscuithenge challenge <<
"I got very bored last week", purrs 100% Kitten,
"and made Stonehenges out of biscuits to find
out which was the hengiest." Wow. Which biscuit
is going to win this mighty contest? Our money was
on the Bourbon, but there is only one way for you
to find out for sure.
http://www.twohundredpercent.co.uk/henge/
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Stuff we like that wasn't made by our mates.
>> Matrix pong <<
Wow on a stick. Check this video out. Japanese
TV presenters playing ping pong in the style
of The Matrix with manual special effects.
The choreography is mind boggling.
http://www.iritor.com/~amoe/kin10.wmv
>> Silence of the lambs: the musical <<
The musical is an under-rated art. Yes -
it's a commercial behemoth, but where's
the critical respect? All that's going to
change with songs like, "If I could smell her
cunt." We're sticking this on the iPod and
heading off to Asda to buy some fava beans
and a nice chianti. So should you.
http://www.silencethemusical.com/
>> Retro anti-piracy propaganda <<
Fuck - we wish we were American. Then we
would have had the sniggering joy of being
subjected to this 1992 education film
about the evils of software piracy. In rap.
Yes - you read that right. In muthafucking
wiggidy whack rap. Rubbishtastic.
http://www.hugi.is/hahradi/bigboxes.php
>> Tunnel surfing game <<
Sitting in b3ta HQ we see a lot of Flash games,
and you - lucky reader - are spared from most
of them. Why? Because they're utter shite.
This one isn't. It looks utterly fantastic
- like something you'd see on a Playstation.
But is it a good game? Haven't got a clue
- it kept killing us. But look, dammit! It's
soooo pretty.
http://snurl.com/1rwk
>> Your heavy metal face <<
Bored with your image? Missing the days when
you could goth up to scare your parents and
your mates wouldn't laugh? Re-live it all
by uploading your pic to this site and
customising it with nose rings and spikes.
http://mmusa.rmhi.com/hmm/php/game.php
>> Trippy toy <<
There's hardly a shortage of psychedelic play
things on the web, but this one is cool. Why?
Because it's Japanese and we don't understand
the instructions. We made nice fireworks with
it, though.
http://www2u.biglobe.ne.jp/~macopism/noct/data/
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: NEWS WE LIKED THIS WEEK
Which we've paraphrased as the links are shit
>> Anti-mosquito cellphone <<
Korea's largest mobile phone operator is
offering customers a new service that will
repel mosquitoes with a sound wave that is
inaudible to human ears but annoys mosquitoes
within a range of one meter. Wish they could
make one for the newly sponsored Carling
buskers on London tubes. Grrr.
>> Snopes conspiracy <<
"Snopes was set up in early 1995 by the CIA as
a way to debunk popular conspiracy theories,
Companies and individuals can now pay to have
their urban legend denied on the site, a prime
beneficiary being Richard Gere." And b3ta was
started by aliens in 1946 to destroy
Friday afternoons.
>> Tabloid animal madness <<
Christ. Have you been reading the tabloids
this week? They've been on top form. We've
had a German zookeeper who ate his animals,
and a Turkish dog trained to do Nazi salutes
at Jews. Go tabloids, go!
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: B3TA IMAGE CHALLENGE
Results from the B3ta Book Of Records Challenge
Each week we run a competition to test your
creative skills. We set a challenge and you
open Photoshop and mess with our heads.
Last week we wanted entries for B3ta's own book
of World Records:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/records/
We asked B3ta boarder 'SunshineElephant' to judge
the entries - here are his 3 faves.
Sunshine Elephant writes -
#1 "Slug Snogging Record - Beautifully animated
and funny too. A man snogging slugs... (icezebra)
http://b3ta.com/board/1531880
#2 "Ernie - This'll make you smile if nothing else
will today. Three cheers for the witty monkeon
hip hip hooray! (monkeon)
http://b3ta.com/board/1547791
#3 "World's longest bicycle ridden by genetically
engineered mutant animal human hybrids and also
the world's longest b3ta weekly photoshopping
competion entry title - Two entries for the price
of one and beautifully done." (sosumi)
http://b3ta.com/board/1539909
>> This Weeks Challenge <<
This week, the challenge dictator was back and
asked people to invent fake Japanese products:
http://b3ta.com/challenge/japanese/
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: WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Follow-ups on previous stories.
* NO MORE FIRE VIDS - "I just wanna say thanks",
gurgles Zyk0tiK, "for featuring all my fire
movies on your site, it's been fun. No more
fire movies." What a cunt! What are we going
to wank to now?
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Make something cool and tell us about it. If
you are in it then people will see your stuff.
Things we'd really like to see include
* ANIMATION WITH DIALOGUE - where's the next
Weebl & Bob?
* MAYAN LOVE GODDESSES - sacrificing Saxophone
players: what does this mean and how does
it work?
* WANKY SHIT DEMON - allegedly summoned by
landing your ejaculate on your freshly
evacuated stools. Has anyone met this
man? Or woman?
Send contributions to http://www.b3ta.com/mailus/
BTW: If you've sent something in that hasn't
been featured then don't be put off - we look
at everything you send us.
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THANKS:
This issue was edited by Rob Manuel with
David Stevenson.
Links sent in by Kasper, Mr Firaas Rashid and
everyone who sent in the Matrix & the Don't
Copy That Floppy video.
Additional linkage by Fraser Lewry.
Board research by Fnord.
Image challenge handled by Mike Trinder.
Proofing by the sanguine b4ta polymaths.
(68185)
