The artists who's name sounds a lot like "Prints"
To steal a lyric from a well known song, the title of which might rhyme with "Piss":

'Act your age, not your shoe-size'

You don't see Status Quo getting the arse-ache when someone takes the piss do you?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 15 Nov 2007, 9:47, Reply)

Prince.
Purple Pain, Purple Pain.

Pouts pretentiously percieving people prefer plastic pricks. Prat.

Poor Prince. Pillock, ponce, pecker-headed punk.

Piss-poor poo-pipe pirate, possibly preferring to pot-brown not pot-pink - probable poofter. Prefers puppies penis-paste poured preaxially.

Pretty-boy, plumbers boy, purple-pearled pussy.


People don't have a good word for you.

I do.

Cunt

Cheers .
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 9:45, Reply)

Jeeeeeezus H Macy...
Thanks for the pointer to The Times, DP. I have to hand it to the Purple One, though: for a few minutes there I stopped hating the Murdoch press. So he's achieved something...

Meanwhile, big waves of mental support going out to Rob and all the makers of images that I liked - and all those that I didn't, too.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 9:32, Reply)

Oh PRINCE?...’Prince’ Prince?


I thought we were talking about ‘Prince’ Naseem Hamed....Or Prince Harry...or some other prince.

(Does this stop me getting sued?)

Oh hang on a minute….they’re ALL cunts!

*keeps digging hole*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 15 Nov 2007, 9:27, Reply)

Its pathetic
Next he'll be sueing Michael Jackson for calling his kid Prince and because he's a socially inept midget.

Really.. what a legacy to leave the world.

Way to alienate your fan base and anyone who wasn't a fan anyway but was neutral on the whole thing. Douchebaggery at its finest.
(Sammyj, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 9:26, Reply)

"Smithers, release the hounds!"
"Yes sir Mr Squiggle Sir!"

I feel a bit sorry for the guy. He obviously has issues about this; I mean he's actually got lawyers to close down FAN SITES let alone sites playing a small joke or two about him. Now that is abusing free support.

There's no reason why he can't just simply laugh it off and go back to rolling in his money. The guy has it all and still has serious issues.

EDIT; what, he's a Jehova? LOL!
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 9:19, 1 reply)

Prince is a cunt, say The Times
timesonline.typepad.com/technology/2007/11/prince-asks-she.html
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 15 Nov 2007, 9:15, 1 reply)

The Artist
Formerly known as Prince, then as squiggle, then Prince again - schizophrenia, anyone?

Now known as Dwarf Cunt.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 15 Nov 2007, 9:08, Reply)

Prince...
Piss poor paranoid pretentious penis-obsessed perverted prick-munching pillock...
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 15 Nov 2007, 9:08, Reply)

Prince! Is! Probably! Under-endowed!
Prince is occasionally described, by Disasteprone, as being a shortarse, purple obsessed, self indulgent, whiny, paranoid, pretentious cunt who lives inside his own anus. Suggest reasons why this is false.

Hey, no-one said it'd be an easy question to answer...

I would encourage all b3tans to spread the images as far and wide as possible via email... I'm at [email protected] and will happily enjoy and send them about the place.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 15 Nov 2007, 9:06, 1 reply)

Legless has asked me...
...to come up with the longest 'P-related' Prince rant I can think of…

I love a challenge…

So if you’ve got a minute…

He’s a pint-sized, ploppy-panted pleb… a piss-flap-puckering, pecker-polishing, pork-pounding, pig-penis-pinching, paranoid, pretentious (thanks DP) podgy peado pot of pickled purple puke....who is past it.

Oh....and a cunt (doesn't start with 'P', but correct nonetheless)

How’s that? :p
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 15 Nov 2007, 9:00, 2 replies)

QOTW Suggestion
How about Abusing prince or why i think prince is
a nob licking turd.?
( Trollman, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 8:50, 1 reply)

Prince Charming….Prince Charming….
RIDICULE IS NOTHING TO BE SCARED OF…

Unless you throw your teddy (which is probably bigger than you) out of your pram at a little light-hearted pisstaking.

This (hopefully) will result in a peaceful, en masse protest of such actions.

Oi, Purple cunt…This is a PUBLIC FORUM, you shagsack of putrified dog’s pizzle

To be honest, I couldn’t believe it when I saw the Homepage. I wanted to fire straight in with insults, but then thought it might be a wind-up by Rob and I would end up looking like a bigger twat than I did when I did a ‘Bee’ related pun-post.

And that was piss-poor.

Now it looks like this is the real thing….the total, TOTAL fuck-knuckle has threatened to shut B3ta down – bringing in his high priced-lawyers to suffocate our harmless little exercise of FREE SPEECH. Ever heard of that? You purple-paisley pasted poo-pipe pirate.

So MUCH FOR DEMOCRACY EH?

Don’t shit on our doorstep cumsponge.

Oooooh did I hurt your feelings? Fucking Diddums…

SUE ME!


(Oh….and in keeping with the QOTW – this rant is totally free of charge)
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 15 Nov 2007, 8:42, 3 replies)

Here's A Freebie
How about changing your name on B3ta in support of Rob over Prince getting shitty? Preface your name with Prince.

Let's see the fucking Purple Pain sue all of us....

Cheers

P.S. This just nicked from /Talk

Q: Why did Prince cross the road?

A: 'Cos he's a cunt

.
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 7:49, 6 replies)

Not me, but a lot of people I know
used this free picture of an Artist Formally known a Pr*nce in a photoshop challenge with hilarious and inventive results. Took it so far they we're almost sued.

True story.
(Mark3y needs to put some welly in to it, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 1:47, 4 replies)

BainsSurrey's
Or something similar. This post involves drink. As do most of my freebie stories - maybe i should check into AA. Ho hum.

I like my freebies, and i'd forgotten about this one. There is a well-known website that members list the best deals they've managed to lay their mitts on for others to abuse.

Now, that supermarket chain that's third to the other 2 ran a promotional vouchery thing last year some time allowing folk to get x amount of pounds off of their order of food. Specifically beer and wine. That was the deal.

All de rigeur.

Except they forgot to tell the website folks exactly how the deal worked. Cue the ability to stack vouchers on the website.

Oops.

So, for the princely sum of £10 i managed to secure the following:

2 x big bottles of Moet & Chandon
1 x Blackwoods Vodka [check the price, people!]
1 x 21yo Glenfiddich Havana Reserve [whoop]
1 x big crate of Guinness

Anyways, the deal was rescinded not long after that. The folks realised the screwup.

But i got that delivered to my door. For £10. Now that was a freebie-and-a-half.
(Schumann makes awesome quiches., Thu 15 Nov 2007, 1:20, 3 replies)

Once
when I worked at a petrol station, the owner of the station (it was a franchise by the way) got given 8 cases of wagon wheels for free and distributed them to the staff.

Really, this freebie wasn't abused, as it's purpose was to be eaten. However, eating 96 wagon wheels over the course of one bank holiday weekend is to abuse ones body.

So in a sense I was abused by a freebie. Or at the very least I abused myself with a freebie. Eitherway, there were freebies and there was abuse.
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 0:12, 1 reply)

Engravings...
If, like me, you have the misfortune to attend a lot of medical conferences you'll know that one of the latest gimmicks to be given out by the Tethered Goats (hot blonde sales reps with nice cleavage, long legs and unthreatening intellect) is the laser-engraved pen.

Just queue up here and write your name on this form and come back shortly and we'll engrave your name on a branded pen...with a laser. Yes - a real, live laser!!

It's a lot more fun to wait until they're really busy and then submit all sort of puerile variations on the 'cuntflaps' theme. And then watch the monitor that tells you when your pen is ready.....

Nowadays they leave out the monitor and just tell you to come back in 20 minutes, but it was fun whilst it lasted.

Incidentally: best ever booth freebie - promotional breast implants. All the boys on my team got one for Christmas that year.
(Thomas_The_Spankengine, Wed 14 Nov 2007, 22:43, 1 reply)

FREE CAR RADIO
OK so maybe this isnt suited for this question but it is nevertheless a freebie. As oppossed to stolen. WHich it definatlely was not.

So I go into Halfords in seaerch of a car radio. I pick a pretty decent one with an ipod connecter. ACE, i think to myself as i point out said radio to a spotty, gormless Halfords employee.

Apparently itd take him 2 hours to fit so id have to book it in for the following morning. So I do that. And bring it back the following morning.

I leave it with them and a couple of hours later I return to find it ready, with nice new radio installed. They hand me my keys, I say thankyou, they walk back into Halfords and I drive away with a FREE radio.

ACE.
(BeardyMat, Wed 14 Nov 2007, 22:14, Reply)

Asda again,
they have a brilliant returns policy for electrical gear. No questions asked, i took in my DVD player after 10 months, (played it to death), and they gave me a new one. They also gave me a receipt with that days date on it. Another cunning plan. Every 11 months I take it in and get a new one; they usually don't do that model anymore, so I get a better one. I've just bought a new Freeview box, so I'll be getting a new one of them every year from now on.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 14 Nov 2007, 20:22, Reply)

Caught the Senior Management
Our work has security turnstiles you have to slap your badge onto before you can go through. They make a buzz or a ping, and a red or green light appear and you have to go to be searched if you get a red - no big hardship if you are honest (and I am). But in the old days they used to let you through whether or not you got a red light... I caught a senior manager, who I'd long suspected of nicking (cos he was a theiving bastard when he'd worked for me several years earlier before he'd lied on his CV to get the job at our place).
Near Xmas the place is heaving with temps. So one evening as I am chatting to my mate after going through out of the corner of my eye I see this particular twat/manager suddenly shove infront of some gormeless temp, slap his badge down and shove through - BUZZ! Red Light!
Security guard says "Can you go for a search, please?" at which Clive (for it was he who was the robbing toe-rag) says "Wasn't me it was him" pointing at the bemused temp who is still working out how to use the turnstile.
Cue equally gormless guard telling temp to go get searched - well, who was he to believe, temp or senior manager?
Cue robbing twat out of the door with a new mobile in his pocket.

Sadly he'd noticed that I'd seen him and he stitched me up before I could stitch him up. I got off the disiplinary though - he got fired a few months later, never got another job and hung hiimself after his wife threw him out for being a thieving lying wanker... Couldnt have happened to a nicer bloke.

Not exactly on topic, but he was helping himself to the freebies.

Length - eyewatering... well just long enough to keep his feet off the floor.
(Nazmaonksuc, Wed 14 Nov 2007, 19:53, 4 replies)

I went to a conference a bit ago,
not surprisingly, at a conference centre. After ploughing my way through the buffet, I went for a few lunchtime beers, came back and got lost. The place is a fucking massive labyrinth, I expected to find the Minotaur there.
Anyway I blundered into various rooms, most of which had other peeps doing conference stuff, and the plan was hatched. Most conferences, peeps don't know each other, and the list of conferences is at the door of the building; so once or twice a week, I pop in in the morning, looking as if I know where I,m going. I'll pop into the various rooms for morning coffee and bikkies, pick up a timetable, find when dinner is and bugger off.
Come back for a few buffet lunches, (seriously good quality, no sausage rolls and egg mayo butties), grab any freebies that are going, and bugger off.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 14 Nov 2007, 19:20, 1 reply)

Asda
do a return policy, on their own brand stuff, whereby when you give them it back, you get the product back AND a refund.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 14 Nov 2007, 19:06, 1 reply)

Me Uncle Abusing Hospitality
About 8 years back, me uncle was lonely. He lived with his mum (my gran), and unfortunately she passed on, leaving me uncle to get drunk and lonely. So to help out, as he only lived about 10 minutes walking distance from me mum, she gave him a front door key and offered for him to call up whenever he was passing.

At first, as we lived inbetween his house and the social club he attended he'd call in and all was ok. We didn't mind at all as he was close family after all; he was my mother's brother. He then got himself a dog at the same time as us, as they were both from the same litter. He idolised this dog whom he called Sam, and regularly brought him up for walks to us. Sam took great delight in shitting around our garden and attacking our dog (his brother), damaging our dog's eye in the process.
This started to happen more and more frequently, with me uncle turning up all days of the week now, and my dad was starting to get pissed off at his brother-in-law, taking advantage of our hospitality. So my dad drops a small hint "Christ, we may as well pull a bed up for you" etc, but "What about Bob" would still show up, making a right state of the house eating our food and drinking stuff from our fridge etc and generally getting on my dad's nerves.

After a few months of this and my dad politely saying to his face "You know you're a part of this family, but obviously we have our own lives too and we all need our own space to live. I'm not saying don't call up, just not every day that's all."

If anything, me uncle came up more, and my dad's patience wore to breaking point.

I get home from work one afternoon, and walk into the living room to find my mother crying and me dad standing there smiling, but looking a bit sheepish.
"What's up 'en?"
"Ermmm..." says dad, "I errr...kind of went mental with your uncle."
"What did you do?"
"Well it's not my fault really, but you know how he's been taking advantage of your mum and taking all of our food etc?"
"Yes..."
"...well he...err...done it again today after I asked him not to call up all the time. I got home from work and found him drinking a cuppa in the living room. So I kind of....took him out the garden, grabbed the back of his head and drilled him with about 7 punches to the face. In fairness, he's got a real hard skull too, he was still standing." Dad smiles while saying this as he's an ex-amateur boxer, and me mum walks out of the living room crying. Very tactful dad.

In fairness me uncle never took the piss again after that incident and now me dad and uncle get on great. See? Sometimes it only takes a good hiding....
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 14 Nov 2007, 18:49, Reply)

Free vodkas + pain
A while ago me 'n' a bunch of mates went into what was at the time "Rasputins Vodka Bar" on the run-up to Chrimbo. We wonder over to the bar and I'm just about to chuck a quid in the bandit when Blonde John shouts "Your round Jeccy, get the fuck off that, mines a vodka and orange shot...". It was my turn, so I aptly start to queue for some drinks. Blonde John chucks a quid in the bandit instead, and immediately wins £25. "Jammy git" thinks I, so I turn my attention to the barmaid. She says first "Every round you buy I spin this crap wheel, and you win a prize!" and presents this carboard dartboard with an arrow nailed to the centre of it. Loads of Bullseye-esque prize catergories are there and when she spins it for me I win a half-price round. Oh well, not bad I suppose.
I then ask the barmail which vodka shots they have. "We've got Normal, coke, diet coke, lemonade, gin, whisky, chocolate, apple, orange, strawberry, chilli..." "...and what colour is this chilli shot of yours?" "Orange" says she. Bingo :)

So I get 4 shots, go over to the table and pass the shots about. We all do a quick manly down-in-1 lad thang, then back the shots. After two seconds Blonde John's eyes nearly launch themselves out of his head. After the laughter dies down, he legs it to the bar to buy 3 for us. They spin the wheel for him and he wins the round for free. We all choke half to death drinking Satan's Flaming Piss while he laffs like fuck at us. For free. Lucky cunt.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 14 Nov 2007, 18:16, 1 reply)

chinese all you can eat buffet
a while back me and my some of friends went to see a movie and go for a meal at this restuarant where there was an offer saying all you can eat 5 quid each so being the competative lads that we were we had a chinese food eating contest,we stuffed ourself stupid and one of my mates started crying with the pain (may i add that he is now no longer someone we hang around with) after the eat off we realised the next monday at school something we ate must of been funny because we were all shitting our arses off

moral of the story dont eat dog meat not the stuff that comes in cans but the supposed `pork` that comes from a dodgy cantonese.

also i laugh maniacly because of the length of the post
(bumblebee., Wed 14 Nov 2007, 18:02, 1 reply)

Credit Card
Around our uni we used to always have stalls set up giving out ‘freebies’ if you signed your life away to one thing or another. One company, Barclaycard, would always be giving out free stuff to try and entice poor naïve students into the murky world of credit card debt.
One day they were giving out cameras, and wanting one quite badly at the time I decided to sign up and get one. However, since I had already got a Barclay card from when I set up my student account I knew there was nothing to lose.
I took my camera and thought nothing more about til I received a letter from Barclay thanking me for applying for a new card, but apologetic as it turns out I can’t have a card as it appears I already have one. Oh dear, I must have forgotten.
I decided to see how far I could push it. If they were going to take advantage of students, I was going to take advantage of them! Everytime they turned up I would sign up for whatever they were giving away. Sometimes more than once a time if they were gullible enough. By the end of the year I had collected: 8 cameras (not great, but they were reuseable, and came with a free film), a Discman, 2 alarm clocks, 2 pop corn makers (why on earth I wanted 2 I don’t know), a ride in a limo, 3 shower radios, a million pens, and mouse mats galore. Not to mention a wall of letters from Barclay Card telling me I already have a card.
Apparently they have changed it now so that if you sign up for a gift and you already have a card, you will be charged for the ‘free’ gift. I know it probably wasn’t just me, but I feel proud that my actions have help change corporate policy…
Length? Smaller than my creditcard bills at least…
(ab1kenobe, Wed 14 Nov 2007, 17:52, Reply)

Qudditch

I used to read the Funday Times religiously every Sunday before it went completely downhill (or maybe I just grew up). However my parents still think it’s cute to send it to me every now and then (even on my gap year and year abroad in the rainforests of Peru…). I think it’s stopped now either that or my folks have realised that I really don’t want to read it anymore!

Anyhoo. In one week’s edition that I received in my 2nd year at uni, it told us of a website where we could order a free demo of the forthcoming Quidditch computer game. Since I was next to my comp at the time I promptly ordered a PC version and then a PS2 version to play on housemate’s machine. Then promptly forgot all about it.
About a month later I received a parcel through the post. I opened it up and there was a full edition of the game with a note apologising for the lateness of the demo, and a peace offering of the full game on PS2. Score!

Another month after, in the run up for Christmas I receive a massive parcel. Having no idea what it could be I ripped it open to find loads of Harry Potter goodies (scarves, badges, a jumper, etc.) and a note apologising for the lateness, etc.
That was my Christmas Shopping sorted…

Length? It can go on for years til someone gets the snitch….
(ab1kenobe, Wed 14 Nov 2007, 17:36, 1 reply)

Hard Fisted Cafe
Just a couple of short years ago me and my ex partner were out celebrating my birthday by going to the cinema followed by a nice meal somewhere. Off we trotted to Broad Street and decided to pop our heads into Hard Rock Cafe to see if we'd need to book a table for later in the evening as they didn't appear very busy. The very helpful young lady who welcomed us ensured us that it wouldn't be a problem and that we wouldn't need to book so popped next door to catch the movie.

On leaving we returned once more to the abovesaid establishment thinking everything would be A-ok and we'd enjoy a meal but imagine to our surprise the whole place was absolutely full of rotten business type people and there wasn't a space in the house. We kicked up a little scene but due to being bought out for the evening there wasn't anything we could do. Instead we settled for a cheaper venue and as soon as got home wrote a letter of complaint to head office.

Little more than a week later we received an email from the manager of the Hard Rock Cafe offering us a complimentary meal and all we had to do was bring in the email and everything would be fine. So we did just that and decided we wouldn't take the piss too much...

But even once we'd told them we were here on a complimentary basis they kept piling us with more requests so ended up having 4 courses and those lovely cocktails where you get to keep the souvenir glass. Right at the end a member of staff approaches us and asks how we would like to pay...damn those imbeciles with their lack of communication...so the duty manager comes over and has a word and although you could tell he didn't want us to leave he was awfully polite and didn't know that we were there he wiped the slate clean and let us leave without paying for about £200 worth of food and drink...

Not a surprise to hear now though that this Hard Rock Cafe no longer exists...oops!!
(komodo128, Wed 14 Nov 2007, 16:52, 4 replies)

Smashing Hits
Way back in the 80's when I was an impressionable teenager, I used to religiously buy Smash Hits so that I could memorise all the words to songs such as ABC's "The Look of Love" and something by Curiousity Killed The Cat.

Well Smash Hits used to run competitions weekly with "top pop pressies" up for grabs. The magazine though itself wild and wacky in an 80's day-glo fingerless gloves and pop sock kind of way, so it used to say, in the days before Ant and Dec premium rate lines, "send your answer in on something red" or "send your answer in on a moustache". Obviously thinking no-one would take them seriously.

Little did they know my mam ran a post office, so I though nothing of abusing the freebies by sending in my Smash Hit competition answers sellotaped to giant catering tins of baked beans, iced onto the top of a birthday cake and on giant moustaches made out of card - anything they asked for, but big and expensive to post. God knows what they thought in their office at Smash Hits Towers as all this assorted junk arrived each week.

What did I get out of it? Well I kept winning - and so much that I had to enter using the little old lady next door's name and address and all the staff who worked in the Post Office's addresses. And there the bragging stops, cos my prizes were things like "Hipsway gatefold 12inch singles", "Katrina and The Waves Bucket and Spade set" and other pop tat that you won't find on ebay these days. I decided to stop my blagging when the postman arrived one morning carrying a lifesize cardboard cutout of Freddie Mercury from his "Great Pretender" video. Then I knew it was time to give in.

I wonder why the Post Office is in such trouble these days?
(orangehaslotsoffruit shout for all the people who have nothing to say, Wed 14 Nov 2007, 16:38, 1 reply)