Steroid-induced feeding frenzy
Spent a morning in casualty enjoying morphine and dilaudid after pinching a nerve in my back.The fresh-faced attending prescribed a lot of things including a course of steroids. I don't like it but the searing pain in my back told me I needed it, so off I toddled with my psycho-inducing 'roids, paracetamol/codeine, and tacit approval to take whatever tramadol, muscle relaxers, and/or vicodin I had left from my previous attempts to mimic Quasimodo.

If you are not familiar with steroids, after a day or two, the appetite takes over. Being rather high on pain meds only increases the risk of creating a dangerous calorie-fest at every opportunity. By day 3, I had balanced the pain meds so that I could be more ambulatory, but this increased the danger of allowing me in the kitchen. I woke up from a dream-filled nap, craving sweets, jam and cake should do it.

Problem: no cake. I knew we had an old box of strawberry cake mix, and proceeded to mix up the batch. Did you know that nuking cake mix works a treat? 10 minutes, and the cake is no longer a lie!

The steroid-fueled rage also keeps my family at bay, and no one said a word as I puttered around, enjoying myself. Probably talking to myself, too, but it's all foggy now. Sort of measured the water and oil. Dried cranberries? With rum? Why not? (you're on narcotics, you daft drug-addled you!)! Fine, I'll cook it out, and won't add any fresh to the jam glaze!

I had brave daughter help me with the batter into the silicon bundt pan. Popped it in the micro, nuke for several minutes at 40% (definitely something wrong with the micro, it's too strong!). Took the cake out and nuked some strawberry jam, rum, butter, and sugar till it was glaze-like. Grabbed a fork, stabbed holes in the cake, brushed some glaze on the cake, let it soak in and around. Was this meeting my fantasies? Almost. My steroid-driven craving said I needed to turn it out, and glaze the top properly!

I turned out the cake... Onto a pie plate. So wrong, but it's what I could reach without more meds. I looked at it, this deep pink bundt cake, flecked with red bits and slightly wet at the edges... And had a mad giggle:

OMG I've made me a goatse cake!

As a testament to the strength of the steroids, note that it didn't stop me eating it. I glazed it... which made the goatse effect only worse, so I heavily dusted it with icing sugar. Then I sliced it to further mask the forbidden image, and to keep me from drizzling some fingers of melted chocolate on it and feeding it to my blissfully unaware family.

Apologies for not taking a photo of it. You really don't need it if you've seen the original, and if you have not seen the original, you really don't want to... Trust me on that.

Apologies for length, I'm down to two doses a day so I've more time on my hands with less control.
( kila is reading clocks upside-down as usual, Tue 22 Nov 2011, 2:37, Reply)