Rocky, RIP
This topic reminds me, painfully, of Rocky, my prize fighting whelk. Rocky was raised on a whelk stud in North Ferriby on the banks of the Humber. We always knew he had the look of a killer, even when he was small. He'd be first to the trough at feeding time, shoving the others out of the way to get to his dinner.

We trained him well, exercising him every day. He shone amongst the other whelks - he was twice the size and five times as brave.

We got him in the ring for his first fight and he just floored the other opponent. I'd never seen a whelk move so fast. I was so proud of him.

Together we toured the country, fight after fight. Rocky would always triumph, always give everything he'd got to win the prize. He was unstoppable!

Then, one day, we saw an advert for the Mollusc Ultimate Fighting Championships. I was dubious, but I knew I couldn't hold him back, not if that was what he wanted. He rose through the ranks to the cheers of the spectators.

It came to the final. Rocky... didn't make it. His opponent, a shifty looking bivalve if ever there was one, battered him to the ground. Rocky didn't get up. He'd been beaten. It turned out that he was a great whelk warrior, but when it came to the Mollusc Ultimate Fighting Championships, he just didn't have the mussel.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 14:58, 16 replies)

Oh, dear god
If that doesn't get you into the newsletter, m'dear, we should riot.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 14:59, closed)

I
Think you're fantastic.
( Cawl, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 15:00, closed)

Kaol's right about teh mollusc.
Will ninja :)

Sorry Kaol, it was a gibbering stream of consciousness written in 3 minutes without time to check sources. I apologise to molluscs everywhere.

Gawd bless ya, Rocky.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 15:01, closed)

Excellent!
* raises a glass to dear, lost Rocky *
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 24 Apr 2008, 15:03, closed)

Ahahaha!!
Genius.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 15:06, closed)

mmmmmmmm whelks
them's good eatin'
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 15:09, closed)

This one has to win!
*clickety click*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 15:24, closed)

ahahahah!!
*breathes*
ahahaaaaaa!
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 15:27, closed)

poor,
Dead Rocky Minogue.

RIP.

This has got to be a front pager of this QoTW.

Did the evil bivalve receive some form of karmic retribution?
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 16:03, closed)

North Ferriby
woop woop thats where I live! Every time I visit home form Newcastle I walk into the station and ask for a ticket to Hull (costs the same as going to Ferriby and the ticked person doesn't ask you to spell it out for them)

I feel ashamed every time.
(Rt Hon Quargflax, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 16:13, closed)

^
I'm guessing you're not my mate Oaklet? He helped breed Rocky on a raft in the Humber so he'd know all about this story.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 16:22, closed)

Sadly I know nothing of your dog debauchery

(Rt Hon Quargflax, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 16:35, closed)

Hahahahah
Bloody hell :D
( ClanSoul, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 16:56, closed)

I
just lost the will to live.. :(
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 20:36, closed)

this made me laugh as hard as i did because
i waited til after finishing the story to look up what a whelk was, and it put the whole story in a wonderful new perspective

time to stop drinking
( AgentMuu hentai coordination, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 7:13, closed)

you're all
whelk-cum.

(Ho ho, see what I did there?)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 11:43, closed)