FrankSpencer
It would suggest that you are indeed CRAZEE bet you still live at home with your mum you Fanny LOL!

I be the craziest thing you ever did was getting caught by your mum for tickling your dogs bollocks!


Grown up indeed!
(northern, Wed 6 Sep 2006, 15:40, Reply)

Not barred but almost thrown out for laughter
I and a friend almost got thrown out of a cinema for laughing at the film. The usherette told us off three times for laughing, on the third occason she said:

"If you pair laugh one more time, I'll have you thrown out for bad behaviour!"

"But it's a comedy, you're meant to laugh at comedies" we protested.

"Well, we have been showing the film for nearly two weeks now and YOU are the only people that have been laughing, so stop it, you're spoiling it for everyone else".

The film in question was 'Spaceballs'.

I saw it again a while back and, she was right. We should have been thrown out for laughing at it.
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Wed 6 Sep 2006, 15:38, Reply)

How's it on your high horse there frankspencer?
I was barred from, of all places, Games Workshop in Birmingham for having a tantrum and breaking a Landraider. I was 14.
(The Secret 7000 ...join us. www.secret7000.co.uk, Wed 6 Sep 2006, 15:19, Reply)

no singalong
nearly got barred twice in the one night in our local social club for talking during the caberet - apparently its not etiquette or something
second time we got told off for singing along with the caberet
(poppy_pop, Wed 6 Sep 2006, 15:14, Reply)

Not grown up
When I was 15 I thought it was the most wild and CRAZEE thing in the world to get drunk, act stupid, have a fight or two and laugh about it later - whatever the consequences had been.

Then I grew up.

It looks like most of you haven't.
(frankspencer, Wed 6 Sep 2006, 14:57, Reply)

Where have you been banned from?
Can't remember.

Apologies for lack of length.
(patently Was somewhere else on, Wed 6 Sep 2006, 13:06, Reply)

Pub standardness
I was barred from a pub for inappropriate use of the pub quiz sheet.

What's the capital of Denmark? The answer is...

Michael Cooper (the quizmaster) felches his mum and blows dead goats.

First time I've been barred from a pub by text message, too.
(ElectricMonk is falling awake on, Wed 6 Sep 2006, 13:00, Reply)

Northern
yeah, respect to the pant-wetting rapist....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 6 Sep 2006, 12:18, Reply)

Barred for Life
Me and a couple of army mates were celebrating, someones birthday in the Bath Arms (Warminster) and we had consumed much beer by this time, problem was it was nearly throwing out time.

Landlord shouts "Glasses Please" so me and mate Johnny Wheelan decide to grab every fucking thing in sight and stands up at the bar!

So after every one had left and several polite attempts to take random drinks off Johnny and I, we said that we should be allowed to finish them all before we leave as we bought them all?
he was having none of this and we would not move.

Then the ultimatum! "either drink them now or I will take them off you?" landlord says!

To which Johnny a true Legend from Bradford necked the fucking lot in front of landlord, I followed but started laughing and spraying the majority out of my nose, as Johnny looks at me and says "Rob its happening again look!" to which I see a small but getting larger piss patch on Johnny's chinos yup he stood there and pissed himself - I was laughing that much and thought it was so funny that I too pissed myself we were asked to clean it up and we just started laughing and told him to fuck off or we would knock him out!

ENTER bouncer grabs us both and he slips on pissy floor "You are barred both of you!" Shite beer and a shite pub - fucking good fun though!

Respect to the Legend Johnny Whelan apparently now in Bristol Prison for Rape!

Yorkshire Yorkshire Yorkshire!
(northern, Wed 6 Sep 2006, 11:27, Reply)

Local branch of wetherspoons
walking around in this get up, jokingly threatening to choke slam a numerous bunch of people.

myspace-680.vo.llnwd.net/00770/08/63/770993680_l.jpg
(wayneofthedead Dale Winton was my dad, Wed 6 Sep 2006, 11:22, Reply)

I was barred for singing a song...
It was christmas eve, i was in the pub with my brother, and we were both absolutely fucked. So what song was it that offended the landlord so much that he forbade us from ever entering his establishment again?

Little Donkey. Yes, the children's xmas carol.

We sang it all the way home too, and even managed to do the sound of the bells ringing, thanks to nicking the sign of said pub, and used the handle of an antique water pump that stood outside the door as a clapper. Think ive still got that actually...
(Rushy, Wed 6 Sep 2006, 11:03, Reply)

Not exactly a pub...
I was ejected & permanently barred from the zoo. I picked up a baby wallaby & it sprung out of my grasp & onto the pavement outside of the exhibit. Realizing I was about to be in big trouble, I chased after the wallaby who clearly was much faster than me. After about 10 minutes of children crying, women screaming & onlookers running in terror, the wallaby was apprehended & I was taken by force to the front entrance where I was manhandled & told never to come back. And that was only the first zoo I was kicked out of :)
(universaltongue, Wed 6 Sep 2006, 9:24, Reply)

to top it all off
i've just been barred from my place of work. Sacked. for telling my lying piece of shit of a boss he's a lying piece of shit. I've just worked my arse off to complete a project and give all the final presentations etc. only to be told it's been cancelled and I should have been told 6 weeks ago. WTFFF!!!! now out of work and very pissed off, still if they want their company car, lap top, phone etc back they can whistle and I'm off on the lash with the company credit card, lets see how my more times i can get barred in 24hrs, look for me on Crime watch!!!!
(the tartful splodger, Wed 6 Sep 2006, 9:21, Reply)

Most convenient barring ever...
When I was at high school, we had to fill in a form stating our preferences for which sports we wanted to do. I think they had to Florida some of the forms up, as they had had the brilliant idea of running lawn bowls for the first time ever and noone wanted to be caught dead there. Naturally, as the losers who can't play anything well enough to make the school proud, a bunch of absolute rejects (myself included) got bundled into it.

One of them was the school bitch, fat, horrible and completely of the opinion that she walked on water because her equally fat, ugly mother was president of the school council and had been mayor of the shitty town at one point. After a few hours of listening to her and her friends' mutterings and jibes about me, I simply walked over, grabbed her by the shirt and refused to let go. I'm a big 'un, I am. She ended up tearing a button and some fabric from the collar to get away.

Our first session had gone terribly anyway. The teacher was actually only qualified to teach history and languages, and had given us absolutely no instructions on how to play the game, or the rules of the course. We didn't have to wear our kit as it was such a slack sport, and as a bunch of 14 yo girls had been tweaking the uniform policy and wearing semi-heels. So apparently the veterans don't take kindly to an ill-tempered stomp on their precious green after a bad shot (actually, I do feel bad about that, but I really had no idea and wasn't the only one).

End result, after one session our school was banned for perpetuity from the bowling green, and we spent the rest of the semester doing our sports sessions reading articles from the paper about bowls in a stuffy classroom, which of course quickly degenerated into the much more fun activity of sod-all. Result!
(Angie the Redneck Wonder, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 23:17, Reply)

John Logie Baird, actually

(Crazy Cat Lady <!!!>, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 21:15, Reply)

Takeaways in Milton Keynes suck
We ordered a meal like the lazy cunts we are, and to our disgust it was manky, tasted gone-off. Naturally, being British, we complained, and so they sent out another meal free of charge (damn straight!)

Only problem is, this one was also minging, so we complained about that too.

Some months later, feeling peckish, rang them up, gave name and address - "Sorry Sir, but we won't deliver to that address. *click*"

BASTARDS
(ZoFreX is cleaner than smoked trout, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 20:25, Reply)

The inventor of the Television
John Logie......
(radio_shak has questions, got answers, on, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 20:24, Reply)

One of my mates...
is banned from Russia. Yes, the country. Quite braggable really.
(ZoFreX is cleaner than smoked trout, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 20:20, Reply)

I got banned from I-sketch!
I don't know what i did or when I did it, but they gave me a link to an ms site on "Netiquette".I got back in,wheni formatted my p.c, so they can fuck off ,and I can draw again.
( Mstandot I suppose I should post more often., Tue 5 Sep 2006, 20:02, Reply)

6 reds and a yellow
although two were from the same pub...

All in Plymouth :

Three for repeatedly emptying their quiz machine at the height of their lucrativeness,whilst drinking an average of half a pint.
These, whilst barrings, were boring.

I was barred from another for telling the landlord he was a "fucking prick" because he believed the lying cow of a barmaid who stitched me up because I told someone about her 3-month stint for ABH.

I was suspended for my local for six weeks for presenting the pub quiz whilst completely arseholed, then trying to punch a punter who was uncomplementary about it.

I was barred from another with five mates because we decided the pool table would look better upside-down.

After being allowed back in by a different manager I was barred again. This time, said manager(ess) called me a "fat bastard", whereupon I suggested that perhaps she shouldn't bandy such words around while her daughter was working there. I don't regret it. It was true - she was fucking huge.

I no longer drink.
(bongo rory twang and boots is my secondary lurking account, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 19:39, Reply)

You're only barred if you remember where from
This only happened last Saturday. I was staggering home from a works leaving do in some god-forsaken area of Saaarf London (Camberwell, to be exact)and trying to find a bus stop.

Already very drunk, I decided that some more beers would lubricate the journey nicely. It was about 2am & I popped into a Costcutter. Only one guy behind the till & no shutters over the booze.

Stepped smartly to the counter with a four-pack of Stella but the guy told me he couldn't serve me this late. I pleaded, tried the matey approach, offered him the cash so he could ring it up in the morning (or pocket it himself, should he desire). No joy. This guy was a rock.

So I waited until he started serving another customer & strolled out with a box of 12 beers under my arm.

He followed me for about 50 yards down the street & told me in no uncertain terms that I was barred & should never darken his doors again.

Not sure if the fact I haven't got a clue where this shop is located makes it easier or more difficult to avoid it. I have visions of going into a shop whilst sober & suited for work & being chased out by a shopkeeper with a better memory for faces.

Don't think it's the length I need apologise for, is it?
( four styx, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 18:49, Reply)

What Bloody Time?
My girlfriend was barred once. We were having many a Fosters and Gin and Tonics in the Angel Pub (nr Fenchurch St, London) one evening before heading back to mine for a night of fun.

Anyhow, near the end of the evening the manager rang the bell and called last orders. We looked at our watches and it was only 10:45. Cheeky bastard is trying to close early so we of course ordered another round. 11pm comes and the featherweight manager calls for all the glasses. I'm almost done so neck it but the girlfriend refuses and states that we had only been given 15 minutes and demands the extra 5 minutes. She points to a sign in a picture frame behind us which states the 20 mins drinking up time. Landlord gets stroppy and says he wants the glass now and trys to grab it, girlfriend moves it and takes the smallest of sips for the next five minutes. The landlord stands there tapping his feet and getting madder and madder. After the 5 mins the girlfriend finishes her drink in a big swoop and puts the glass down. Irate landlord swipes it and tell us we are barred.

At this point I complain and correctly remind him that I did indeed finish my drink in the time and he had no reason to bar me. Sod the girlfriend, it was one of my locals and I played darts there.

Fine he says, she's barred!

She says something along the lines of 'well stuff your shitty little pub, I would not be seen dead in this place again'. And we leave.

The next night I went in there and nicked the frame and the sign and gave it to my girlfriend as a birthday present! She thought it was funny-after a while. I still have it, with our wedding picture in it.

I made her ........
(Suck it and Sea, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 18:26, Reply)

I got banned from a newsagents.
For not saying "thank you".

When I did.

For fuck's sake.
( Lightguy hail satan, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 18:18, Reply)

Banned from most of Luton
A load of my coleagues were banned from most Luton night clubs for some reason - can't remember why now but no violence was involved.
(moffatt, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 18:15, Reply)

No Soup for you!
.
(El Wapo, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 16:19, Reply)

Free CD bonanza
A bit of a geeky one this… I'm still (6 years on) barred from buying anything from Amazon.co.uk, when I enter my address it mysteriously says it's not valid.

It's been doing this ever since I managed to order many many hundreds of pounds, possibly more, worth of CDs from them for nothing over a short space of time. Remember that email service that had all sorts of humorous domain names for you to choose from? Funmail.com if memory serves me correctly, this is going back a few years so my memory's a bit hazy.

They had a sign up offer which gave you a free £5 voucher for use on Amazon, it generated a string of letters that you then typed into Amazon and £5 was added to your account. Stupidly they forgot to put any sort of 'one per address' restriction on, so anything costing less than a fiver was free. Lots of CD singles turning up at the house.

The next stage came with the realisation that when you bought something for less than a fiver the balance was credited to your Amazon account. This was during the Sophie Ellis Bextor & Groovejet / Victoria Beckham & Dane Bowers chart battle, so they were selling those CDs for £1.99

We wrote a script that signed up multiple accounts to Funmail and harvested the voucher codes, it was then a simple matter of plugging those into Amazon and ordering 1.99 CDs until enough money was in the account to buy an album (I still have several hundred Groovejet CDs somewhere, if anyone's interested?)

Lather, rinse, repeat, and for a period of several weeks there was a big box from Amazon waiting on the doormat every morning. I told my mum it was 'a special offer', only bending the truth slightly. Didn't take all that long for them to clock on, change the terms of the offer and ban me, but by that point I had more or less legitimately got myself a rather fine CD collection.

I like to think that this contributed to the fact that shortly afterwards Funmail started charging for their service, but I can't be sure!

The weirdest thing is Amazon have never officially told me I'm barred, it just won't let me order anything...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 15:48, Reply)

I'm a fiddle player.
About three St Patrick's days ago, myself and 5 friends were asked to go and play some music for an afternoon in a pub in Leek. No money involved, but we'd get some sandwiches and all the ale we could drink, which being a brewery tap, was a good deal. We got there about lunch time and started to play. And drink. Now you'd have thought that landlords would have worked out the dangers of paying musicians in alcohol, but clearly not. By 5pm, we were playing considerably faster and more erratically than we had, and had collectively notched up 120 pints. Remember, there's 6 of us, and by this point, in our sozzled heads, we are the finest Irish band ever to have graced the earth.

The landlord tries to buy us off. We're having none of it, and demand our free beer continue. By this point, the evening is approaching and what was meant to be two hours light music in the afternoon is threatening to become a drunken musical nightmare for the pub, spilling into the entire night. He tries reasoning with us, before getting more forceful. We, in turn, are clinging onto the concept of limitless free beer for music with dogged determination. Eventually he tries to confiscate our instruments. I remember trying to stand up and falling off a chair across a table of innocent bystanders and their drinks at this point, before being bundled out the back of the pub and into the car park.

The next bit is a bit hazy, but we had to create a distraction round the front whilst we salvaged our instruments. Using a phone, we'd somehow managed to persuade one of our friends to turn up with a van at the back of the pub just as the raiding party legged it back out with our instruments, before screeching off into the countryside, proud as punch at our adventures.

Next day it occured to some of us that we hadn't necessarily been the wrongful victims of a terrible misjustice, and that two of us had probably better not live in Leek much longer.

I've since grown a beard and gone back in. I think I'm still banned, but I've not been recognized yet.
( Milkman Dan, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 15:28, Reply)

Barred, you say?
After three years at music college and two years working at the Duke of Devonshire's country retreat, recounting tales and singing merry catches, I was finally able to bring my studies to culmination.

We celebrated by attending a nearby hostelry, where we quaffed much porter. The serving girl unfortunately took umbrage at my skillful serialist re-interpretation of "O What a Lovely Pair of Wabs You Have, Susan Shagg" (the highlight of my graduation recital earlier that day), and I was escorted from the building by two burly men-at-arms.

I was informed in no uncertain terms that I was barred, and I said "yes, how did you know?"

I was kicked half to death for such appalling punning, and deserved every steel toe-capped blow, if you ask me.
( petuniadb, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 14:53, Reply)

Not barred but...
... I got a warning last Friday at the pub near my work (trading estate on edge of small town) for rather loudly at the bar saying "72p! Are you fucking joking?" having just attempted to purchase a bag of cheese and onion walkers crisps. The reply "It IS a large bag".

£3.50 for crisps and a pint. Takes the piss it really does.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 13:54, Reply)

Well done Rachelswipe!
I think a lot of us have been following your posts on here and wondering when your going to get rid of the boring, bed shitting twunt!

As for me, I've been bared for a local pub/nightclub for trying to fix a lightbulb that was flicking with my pint glass - I'm amazed that I dodn't get any glass in anyone's eyes!
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Tue 5 Sep 2006, 13:44, Reply)