Taxi bastard and my all time favourite
I was trying to flag down a taxi after a night out with my girlfriend. We only live a couple of miles from town but at this point my girlfriend had her ankle in plaster and couldn't manage the walk home. Having stood just short of the main traffic lights (the best place to get one as they have to slow down/stop anyway) for five minutes we finally got one to stop. This fat, greasy f**ker leans over, winds down the passenger window and asks us where we're going. I tell him and he snorts "You can walk there you lazy f**kers. F**k off!" and screeches off. However, in the time it's taken him to fire off his witty insult the lights have changed so I just stroll casually down to where he's stopped at the lights, whip the old boy out and piss all over his car. I even managed to get some through the still-open passenger window and over him as he hurriedly wound it up.

My favourite though is Paul Calf misquoting the "You've got shit on your shoes and I'm the shoe-shine boy" line from 'Missing In Action 2' when he gets into a fight after someone accuses him of being drunk. He staggers up to them and, right into their face, drunkenly delivers "You've got shitty shoes on yer shitty-shoed bastard!"
(R. Jimlad twitter.com/sirmarkymark, Thu 29 Apr 2004, 17:14, Reply)