Stuart Pearce Dildo
At a very drunken birthday party, the birthday girl said that the thing she'd like most in the whole world would be a dildo with the head of Stuart Pearce as the knob.

Now I know that sounds like a set-up for a pun, but it really isn't. Nor is it a tortuous way to get to a "Stuart Pearce is a bell-end" line. It's really genuine: she fancied him, and thought it would be the ideal sex toy, to fill those long half-time delays.

Being drunk, I told her I'd make one (after asking who the fuck Stuart Pearce was - I know nothing about football). Bizarrely, when I sobered up it still seemed like a fun challenge, so I did. I carved a large cock in clay, then modelled his face on the glans - I used the famous pic of him crushing Gazza's bollocks as a reference. It turned out really well, easily recognisable even though it was the first time I'd tried to model a real, living person's face.

Then I cast a fibreglass mould, and from that produced a silicone wang. She was, as you'd imagine, extremely startled when I presented it to her, the next weekend - it was, after all, her heart's desire. Well, perhaps a little lower than the heart.

Unfortunately no pictures exist, but I do still have the mould somewhere. Strangely no-one has ever asked me to make another...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 12 Oct 2012, 16:21, 5 replies)

That was Vinnie Jones dear

(LetsGetDownToIt, Fri 12 Oct 2012, 16:34, closed)

No, that would be my lack of knowledge/interest in football, and a bad memory
It was definitely Stuart Pearce she had rummaging around in her guts.

Must have been a different photo. Strange how memory tricks you.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 12 Oct 2012, 16:37, closed)

But Psycho normally misses the box

(LetsGetDownToIt, Fri 12 Oct 2012, 16:42, closed)

PIONH

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 12 Oct 2012, 18:48, closed)

Was there no motor?
Sounds like half a job.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Mon 15 Oct 2012, 11:32, closed)