pocket nasty
a friend of mine was walking home from an evening spent with his girlfriend at her parent's house one Friday night. As he walked he passed a car with the passenger-side window smashed. It had obviously been broken into and probably the radio stolen. He decides it's not his problem and continues on his way.
A bit further down the road a police car screeches up beside him and a bunch of rozzers get out, instructing him to place his hands up against a nearby wall and spread 'em, so to speak. Not a man to trifle with the law, he complies. Someone had called the police about the car and had possibly seen him leaving the scene.
"Where have you been tonight?" the rozzers ask him.
"My girlfriends house", he replies
They ask him to turn out his pockets - presumably looking for whatever was stolen from the car. He does so but is reluctant to empty his left jacket pocket. The coppers notice this and immediately demand to know what's in there.
"Look, let me explain..." he begins, but the long arm of the law is impatient, and a policeman's hand delves into the pocket...
and is immediately covered in cold jism from the used condom in there.
Previously during the night he and his gal had had it away during a private moment and had obviously not wanted to stash the johnny in her parents' kitchen bin, so Chris had decided to take it home and dispose of it there.
The copper apparently went white and said "why in God's name have you got a used condom in your pocket?"
They let him go.
That policeman is probably still haunted by that moment.
(CheeseOnToast occasionally with Worcester Sauce, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 16:37, Reply)