A losing argument
During a rather heated break-up argument with an ex, she began listing all the things she hated about me (won't bother with them all as we'll be in TLDR territory). 'And I cant fucking stand your pedanticness either' she screamed. This caused me to break off from my own heated shouting to calmly say 'It's pedantry'.

For some reason this did not placate her and did just the opposite. She left me shortly afterwards, thank fuck.
(Bappage, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:06, 8 replies)

I vowed to my God I'd give it all up
if he would bring her on down from heaven.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 21:00, 3 replies)

She was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar when I met her.
She agrees upon that, at least.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 20:52, 1 reply)

"It's not your fault, it's mine. In fact, it's really no ones fault", she said
"I feel we've just drifted apart. We're not the same people we once were", she said.
"I have my work and my yoga and the whole Italy thing. You have your video games", she said
"It's not that I don't love you", she said, "It's just that I no longer have any feelings for you. Instead of emotions there's just an empty feeling inside me"
"I need my freedom. I feel like a prisoner in this relationship. I need to break free before I waste too much of my life", she said.
So I said, "Babe, we're no strangers to love, you know the rules and so do I. A full commitment's what I'm thinking of. You wouldn't get this from any other guy."
I went on to say, "I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling. Gotta make you understand. Never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down. Never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry. Never gonna say goodbye. Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you"
But she walked out that door.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 18:13, 7 replies)

lets just be friends
"lend me a tenner then,i´ll give you it back next week"
(BRICKBAT, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 17:10, 1 reply)

Ahem....
Something something, brothel in westminster, something something, tour of, something something, saw a conservative politician having his genitals felt by American footballer Tyler Bray.

Something something.

"I can't believe Bray cups tories!"



amirite?
(Woodlouse say it with flowers. Send her a Triffid, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 17:00, Reply)

Broke it off with a ginger bird....
When I was young and not very good looking, (still not) I didn't quite have my pick of the girls. It was thus I came to be seeing Emma. She was my dark teenage secret... Think Linda out of Gimme Gimme Gimme. She took my virginity - well not quite, as I was about 14 I hadn't developed the right technique to deal with the "bigger lady", the first few times were in her arse - but I digress.

After a while it came time to treat her to the Spanish archer, and give her the el-bow. She didn't react too well, saying "If you dump me, I'll tell your mum that we've had sex!" As they hadn't met, I called her bluff and told her to do one. A couple of days later I was walking through town with mumsie, who I should point out was a bit of a social hand grenade. Fat ginger comes storming over and starts shouting. "Your son dumped me and I think you should know that we had sex!" The whole. Street. Stopped. There was deathly silence for a second. WHACK! I get a back hander from mum straight across the face.
"How could you have sex with that?!" "Look at it! LOOK AT IT!"
Problem solved I guess.
(sunray18, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 16:21, 9 replies)

Anybody want to buy some designer amphetamine analogues?
Low low prices from doctor wong.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 16:16, 10 replies)

I lifted a stopping device once.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 14:28, 18 replies)

a good ten years+ ago a relationship ended
she'd been cheating on me, but i'll never know with how many people or for how long. We'd had a talk a few days earlier and decided to call it a day. but then she rings me while i'm in a pub with a rubbish mobile signal.
All i heard was a blubbering mess fading in and out of signal and apologies. apparently exposing all of her lies.
she finally finished and I was expected to respond. But I'd genuinely not really heard most of it, so replied:
'it's ok, don't worry... thanks.'
i then went back to my game of pool and beer.
it's probably best I'll never know.
( Ya What Skiddlyboop, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 13:44, 10 replies)

I dated a girl with the biggest boobs I've ever seen on a human.
Seriously, they were bigger than my head. I once put her bra on like a hat and had room to spare.

And that's my bra cup story.
(Shimrod, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 13:25, 32 replies)

Another girl I dated thought I collected mugs.
She got me one in the shape of a donkeys head, when it was tilted it would make a noise like a donkey. I thought it was ridiculous so I split up with her.

Sorry for lack of detail, I didn't think it was need for this bray-cup story.
( Muns, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 13:19, 2 replies)

I dated a scottish girl for a while.
A few months into the relationship, she went for a weekend at her grandparents in aberdeen. She got me a gift of a mug with a picture of a scottish hillside printed on it.

That's my brae-cup story.

I dumped her in case she carried the recessive ginger gene.
( Muns, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 13:14, 2 replies)

I have never a girlfriend.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 12:45, 14 replies)

Madness, I tells ya
At the tender age of 18 I was seeing someone - not quite bf/gf, but definitely some copious face contact - who I decided to break things off with.

What I meant to convey to the dumpee was "I'm going away to university in a few months, I don't see a long-distance relationship working out. In no way do I want this to reflect badly on you.".

What I actually did was pretended to be mad. I may have even quoted a certain Shakespearean line about a nunnery.

Over MSN.

God's balls I was a wee shit back then.
(Rollerbone The sauciest opossum, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 12:05, 1 reply)

It was over.
We'd been through some times together. The delight, the excitement, the joy, I still remembered. I would never forget how excited I got the first time, how I'd dreamed of it. What hard-ons you'd given me! How I'd cum! We went everywhere together. But time moves on and you change. Your tastes develop, your idea of how to spend your time matures. We spent less time together, as I began to spend more time on working, or on my computer. Perhaps I was growing up, maybe we were just growing apart, perhaps you just weren't doing it for me any more. But those heady early days of lust and abandon I'll always remember.



Yes, it was time to throw away my collection of porn mags.
(McChinaman banned, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 11:59, Reply)

A pearoast of the story of a friend's failed break-up attempt (hey, at least I was there when it happened)
Myself and some old school mates reunited for a lad's night out. After drinking copious hops and fermented fruit by-products until the wee hours, one of the gents - let's call him MRRRFRGLE because of reasons - attempted to dump his girlfriend.

In a loud bar. Late at night. While bladdered. Over the phone.

The same phone to which she'd been sending MRRRFRGLE pictures of herself, industrial-strength naked, to "show him what he's missing". I know this because he showed us all. And then he asked her to send more. Which she did. Which he also showed us. I would've stayed in, to be honest.

On the very same phone which, I found out afterwards, she was actually paying for on MRRRFRGLE'S behalf.

Which he used to dump her some hours later.

And the weirdest part? He FAILED. They did not part that night.

Somehow the fact he'd been receiving a steady slew of spank sundry before trying to dump her on the phone SHE WAS PAYING FOR wasn't quite enough for her to send him packing. They didn't split up until much later.

No comment on her length, I'm a gentleman.
( Iki I think my camel is dead., Tue 17 Sep 2013, 11:53, 4 replies)

Strangest break-up ever

Myself, the woman I was seeing at the time, my (female) best friend and another male friend had been enjoying an evening of recreational mood-enhancers, drinking, music, laughter and lunatic dancing. As the evening wore on, we eventually slowed down, and as it was a cold night, ended up under a duvet on the living-room floor.

Somewhat unexpectedly, since they weren't in any way an item, my best friend and the other guy started kissing and cuddling - and then clothes started to come off. So there I was, with my girlfriend, under the same duvet as another couple who were fucking. Naturally, I indicated with the universal language of eyebrows that perhaps we should join in, in one way or another.

At that point, my girlfriend decided that it was the right time to tell me that she wanted to break up. Not because of what was going on under the duvet, but for other longer-standing reasons. Now to be honest I wasn't too bothered, it was a pretty casual relationship, more a friends-with-benefits deal anyway. OK, so I was unexpectedly single, and I'd missed out on a four-way, but that's never been a particular fantasy of mine. We stayed in another room and let the others get on with it, then rejoined them once things seemed to have calmed down.

At which point the phone rang, and out of the blue an ex girlfriend, who I hadn't spoken to or contacted for about 7 months, called up and made it clear that she regretted breaking up with me and would like to get back together.

So I was single for about 10 minutes. Arranged to meet up with the ex, put down the phone and carried on the evening as if nothing had happened - though perhaps with a slightly startled expression...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 11:42, 7 replies)

alright, losers
anybody got any last shreds of dignity they want to dispose of?
(alright alright, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 11:12, 4 replies)

I saw this linked on another forum
And thought of this question.

www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/1ky4va/my_husbands_dirty_secret_turned_out_to_be_much/
www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/1mdrd7/update_my_husbands_dirty_secret/
(Roger McGough-Pipe, Tue 17 Sep 2013, 1:08, 7 replies)

Break Up Via Text
YaWhat?'s post below made me think about text break ups:

A friend of mine was telling me about how he was at his own birthday dinner with his parents and his girlfriend, when she dumped him via text, sat across the table from him, written on her phone held under the table.

Classy lady!

How he didn't kick off is beyond me, I'd have shamed her right there and made her walk home...
(Mr_Lew, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 22:31, 10 replies)

i broke up with a girl via text once.
does that make me a bad person?
( Ya What Skiddlyboop, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 16:31, 26 replies)

Turns out my not being another woman was a significant bedroom failing of mine.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 14:04, 10 replies)

I waited til she went out then moved everything out without telling her and she didn't find out til she came home lol

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 13:40, 14 replies)

Birthday Break-up
Thirty-odd years ago, I was friends with some people who existed in a bit of a social bubble. They all seemed to go out with each other and would confide all the shenannigans to me. I have no idea why. I'm rubbish at this stuff. As they found out. *cringe*

I got invited to a big birthday party. Just how posh this party was I still can't quite comprehend. I got picked up at the train station by people I'd not met before. Apparently I was staying in *their* huge country house over night with a few other stragglers who'd not thought to inherit houses locally.

The party itself was in an even bigger house surrounded by temporary tents and marquees. There was booze everywhere. There was dancing. It was hours before I even met the host, so when I did, I was plastered. I wished him Happy Birthday. He introduced me to his girlfriend...

...and then I expressed surprise because I thought he was going out with someone else? Tumbleweed rolled. There were tears. There was swearing. I was an idiot. I tried to leave.

Except I couldn't - I had to wait for the family putting me up to leave and take me back to their house whilst hiding from murderous relatives of both sides of the now destroyed relationship.

There's now an entire COUNTY of posh people who hate me.
( chthonic, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 12:38, 24 replies)

I had a wank

(Eukanuba, Mon 16 Sep 2013, 1:41, 13 replies)