Laurence Llewelyn Bowen
A good friend of mine called Llewelyn Bowen a "Fucking muppet" because he stood on her foot.

That's all.
(Foss, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 9:03, Reply)

Jamie Theakston
At Glastonbury about, ooh maybe 4 years ago I was stood at the very front of the main stage on the barrier (can't remember who it was for) I looked up at the platform bit on the side of the stage where the celebrities/people with backstage passes stand and spied Jamie Theakston, I waved at him enthusiastically and shouted "Jamie" a few times and he eventually spied me in the crowd, smiled and waved back, sure that I had got his attention I shouted "Wanker" and made the appropriate wanking gesture. He backed away slowly into the crowd of back stagers and I didn't see him again (until I turned on Channel 4 the other day only to find that he's back)
(Mr_Bobbins, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 8:59, Reply)

Keith Chegwin
I told him to "stick your autograph up your arse" - just out of the blue. I hadn't asked him for one.......
( WD-39, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 8:47, Reply)

I haven't been rude to any celebrities...
but I almost knocked over Ronnie Wood from the Rolling Stones in my car.
Well to be fair he really was not obeying the Green Cross Code!
( rosey, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 8:31, Reply)

Pretty awful
But very funny, when I was in the Army my squadron luckily got the deep, deep joy of spending 6 months in the holiday haven of the Falkland Islands, on the way down to Brize Norton to get our flight across we stopped off at a service station where we had the misfortune of running into a group of up and coming footballers that were being looked after by a certain Peter Beardsley. One of the guys decided it would be a good idea to get one of them autographed photo's that seem to float about in that level of celebrities bodies, during the time that Peter was asking who the picture should be made out to there was a discussion between a few people about the mystery of Peter's striking appearance and how it can only have come about by his mother mating with some form of simian, about 2 foot from where he was standing! fair play to the guy though as he must have overheard it but carried on regardless.
(Doogal, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 8:14, Reply)

Well not quite a celebrity, I think but...
I once gave Jeff Hamilton the cold shoulder. for those of you who don't know who Jeff Hamilton is, he held the speed record for skiing and has several gold medals from the Olympics.

Anyways, apparently his sister lived in the same city as me, and an artist to boot! So, he did the kindly older brother thing and came down to help her fill up an art gallery with her work. I was walking down to my mom's shop when he comes out of the place, sees me wearing a shirt that has a picture of him and his name written in big letters (hand-me-down from a cousin) and says to me, "Hey, nice shirt!"

"Thanks," I reply, and hurry along, afraid that he's some sort of predator. This made sense since he had a shaved head and was much taller than me.

"Do you kno wwho I am?" he asks me?" By now his sister is laughing.

"No," I said, and walked faster, all the way to my mom's shop. I pondered what had just happened, then looked down at my shirt. It was about then that it clicks. So, I grab one of my ma's fabric pens (it was a quilt shop) and run back down to chase him down.

"Hi there!" I say. "Err.. I think I know who you are now." Again, his sister laughs. He joins in, as well as one of his posse members. I laugh too, feeling that I made a total ass of myself. "So... Uh... Could you sign my shirt?"

"Sure!" he says. Hilarity ensues. Short story shorter, I still have the shirt. :)
( CTVadim Eeeeasing back into it., Thu 15 Apr 2004, 7:03, Reply)

Dave Prowse
Dave Prowse of Darth Vader fame came to my junior school as the Green Cross Code Man to give us a talk on road saftey in the assembly hall.
All though the talk myself and three mates were doing 'use the force' impressions.

Right miffed he was.
(uttertosser, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 3:30, Reply)

Ah yes, I'd forgotten.
Dennis Rodman (famous nutcase basketball player) lives around these parts.
One day, my old boss was driving down the street and Dennis cut him off. My boss gave him the finger and was quite proud of himself.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 3:23, Reply)

Not me
but my mother's friend yelled at Sara Jessica Parker of Sex and the City fame for cutting in front of her in a line at Starbucks. She said something along the lines of "Just because you're a celebrity doesn't mean you can skip ahead of me!" The image of two tiny women going at it in the middle of a NYC Starbucks brings a smile to my face every time I think about it.

oh and just last week I went to see Henry Rollins (Black Flag) do a spoken word/standup program near school and my friend basically called the man short and old to his face. The man may be short, but he could probably kill you with one swift kick.
(spiggums, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 3:18, Reply)

Howard Marks
I was at an Edinburgh club during the festival when this old bloke in a dodgy leather jacket and a cheesy shirt came up to me and asked if I knew anyone that could get him some Es.

"Fuck off, you're a policeman" said I.

"No, I'm Howard Marks!" said he.

"And I'm the pope!" I replied. (I'm full of wit at 3am)

Howard then got out his driving license...

[rest of story deleted for legal reasons]
( wbm, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 3:11, Reply)

pop-punk morons
Every return to school year at my university they have a welcome back barbeque with bands and such, usually the bands arent too too bad, but this year the stupid watered down Canadian pop-punk band Not By Choice were playing. It was really funny to see cause they were trying to get the crowd all riled up and everyone was doing the smart thing, ignoring them and drinking. Their mosh pit consisted of maybe 3 teeny-boppers. I ended up yelling at the top of my lungs "YOU SUCK" at the start and finish of all their songs, and they eventually noticed me. The guitarist i think it was, in a show of bravado asked me if i had something to say, expecting me to back down i assume. I then reinterated my message of "You fucking suck", and then he threw a can of beer at me.

To their credit the beer landed about 2 feet away, i now assume they have lots of practice with hecklers.
(tronfunkenblows, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 2:55, Reply)

some point in early
1994 i was at an Oasis gig and i was stood/stooped with a pint of stella propping up the makeshift barrier at the back of the venue's front of house mixing desk and none other than Liam Gallagher came past and asked me for a light. i think it was liam, it could have been noel, this was early 1994 when they were not that famous, but anyway, i said 'oh your in the band arnt you?' and he said 'fuck off you cunt just light my fag' which i did like a dick, looking back i should have smacked the 4foot tall chav scumbag and told him after his 1st album they would fucking suck donkey cocks. which they did and they still do.
( slight wiff of cabbage, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 2:31, Reply)

Tony Hawk's L33t Sk8tr Twats
needs a tiny bit of backstory this - last year my mate was working at some massive skateboarding event thing for baggy-trousered oiks. Tony Hawk and various other big pro-skaters were the main attraction. i turned up late and saw them all attempting "gnarly" tricks on the half pipe and gob them up totally. What bollocks, I thought...

Anyway so we blagged into the after-party, and made a professional job of getting titted at the free bar. At the end of the night I spotted Tony Hawk and his skater dude mates. Wobbled up to them and more out of curiosity than spite asked them why it was they always fell off their skateboards when they are supposed to be professionals? Which triggered a lairy pissed-up argument between me and two of the pro-dudes about the shiteness or otherwise of skateboarding which my mate had to drag me well away from "because it looked like I was about to get twatted".

Bloody videogame characters eh?
(Casino_Wilhelm, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 2:30, Reply)

"Celebrity" such as she was
At the end-of-tour party for the PSB in 1991, a good mate of mine (yes I was present also) ran into Sinead O'Connor. He, being the entertaining, gregarious sort of chap that he is, said to her "Oy! You're a dodgy old trout aren't you? I bet you've never been called a dodgy old trout before, have you? You dodgy old trout."
Her response was silence and a swift exit from the scene. She hadn't done anything particularly offensive to my mate, except be who she is, and thus received the well-deserved appellation of "dodgy old trout." I'd like to take credit for this, but Tom deserves the honours.
(Seppo Anglo Pint-Draino, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 2:24, Reply)

This story's wank
Not really celebrities either, but it's the closest I can get. Went to an autograph signing in Mansfield with David Hirst and Mark Bright a few years back, since I'm a Sheff Wednesday fan. There was a huge line for them, and next to them at the table stood two Mansfield Town players without anybody waiting for them. When I got to the front of the line and met Hirst and Bright, the bloke I went with said (quite loudly) "Shall we get autographs from them two Mansfield players too?" I stared one of them in the face as they stared back, with a twinkle of hope in their eyes - "Nah."

The irony is that Mansfield will probably go up this season and be better than us next season. Ah well.
(Shake, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 2:13, Reply)

George Melly
Saw him on Northumberland Road in Newcastle about 20 years ago when he was advertising the DIY company 'Dickens'

He was wearing his 'trademark' chequered suite, fedora hat, and was with a lady who, to be quite honest 'dodged salads'. (Fat moose).

We followed him around Newcastle for appprox. 40 mins shouting his the catchprase of 'Dickens Home Improvment Hypermarket', and eventually he told us all to 'fuck off!!!'. Which only made us follow him even more, this time shouting 'GEORGIE MELLLEEE', while pointing at him.
(Charlie Baked Potato, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 1:31, Reply)

not amazing at all...
A friend of mine (see this story already sounds shifty) met Prince William at a party (god knows how she manages to fo this, but well..) she said to him, 'Hey I recognise you from somewhere'.. his reply went something along the lines of 'Thats because I am the prince!'
In reply she mimmicked his posh accent and I believe said 'Oh I'm the prince!!' (in a satiricle manner) and then walked off laughing.
He deserved it the self-righteous bastard!


I once tried to sell tickets the a hundres reasons gig to the drummer of the band.. I guess thats rude too!
(Seany boy, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 1:22, Reply)

A-List Celeb Humilated
Quite a few years ago now, my Granddad and some of his work colleagues paid a flying visit to Berlin to deliver a message to the Chancellor of Germany.

The message in question was "Up Yours Adolf", written on the side of several 500lb bombs which they dropped from their RAF Lancaster bomber.

Apparently, Herr Hitler was not amused and shortly afterwards killed himself.

No fucking sense of humour the Germans.
.
( Linbox has a serious dunk habit, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 1:13, Reply)

Eddie Izzard
While on a short trip to New York, I spotted Eddie Izzard in Central Park. Me being unattentive, wasn't quite sure it was him, so I decided to follow him. After stalking him for a few minutes he turned around and said:

"I'm sorry, can I help you?"
(and there was me thinking I was inconspicuous...)

So I replied, "Sorry... You're Eddie Izzard, right? Only, I came all the way to America, just to see an English person?? This sucks!..." and I carried on ranting about how I could've ran into Robert De Niro, anybody, and it had to be bloody Eddie fucking Izzard.

When I was done, and he had walked away feeling disappointed, I decided to follow him more - after all, I had nothing better to do.


I don't think he noticed...
(elthea, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 0:56, Reply)

IMCOMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A few years ago I used to work in a quality supermarket retail chain, at which quite a few celebs used to frequent. One of them was Lee from steps, who in his wisdom managed to fuck off one of the fruit and veg part time staff by climbing on his high horse about there not being any lettuce or something. However there were a lot of lychees. and they got broken quite easily. So a new game was developed called the "Step- step- mortar" this game consisted of a spotter at the end of the isle the aforementioned target who gave a directional indicator to a "caster" who then propelled lychees over the isles and tried to "mortar" Said mime artist. some of us got pretty close! the best one was a schrapnel effect of a lychee striking a shelf edge. The bits went everywhere but on him. Oh how we laughed... ahem. Oh yeah and Jordan used to visit, and she defintely overheard the conversation I was having with another worker about "how fucking stupid" she is and how "she must be a walking biological archive of Venereal Diseases".

Oh and Paul Daniels was called a cunt for his lack of manners when buying something. dunno if it was to his face though.

Oh yeah we were at the Internation Motorcycle show at alexander palace and my mate asked Joe Guest ("dressed" in a miniscule peice of rubber) if she is a slut.

That is all.
(Nicky Nacky Noo... Scratch and Sniff Please, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 0:56, Reply)

Paul Zennon &Toby Anstis
Uppon getting wasted on £1.50 a pint O snake bite (at the Gloucester Brightonians ;D ) I walked up to Paul Zennon and told him he was a crap magician, he then proceded to chat up one of my friends, and he didn't even show us a trick, bastard!!!!

Ant a uni freshers ball, free dinks all night, I found the need to aquire a trophy photo of me swearing at Toby Anstis who was the comedy host of the 'entitainment'. As I stormed towards the chap, brandishing my middle digit, his bouncers hurried him away, I got the fucking photo tho!

Who do these people think they are =/
(Midas, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 0:39, Reply)

Not really famous yet...
..but one of my schoolmates was DJ Eddie Halliwell (voted 20th best DJ in the UK last year or summat) one day he told us he was saving up for decks and we all laughed at him... Now he's doing gigs all over the world.
( beefandcheese, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 0:37, Reply)

I have more!
We were in a studio watching "Im a celebrity reunion" being filmed. I asked Neil Hamilton (husband to that other one...and ex MP) to give me a kiss, because really, how funny is that?
So i go to kiss him on the cheek and he tries to kiss me on the lips.
This was about 6 months after that whole rape scandal.
It just all got too much for me to repress and i told him to leave me alone or ill go to the police - as a joke!
He didnt find it funny.
(Rhan, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 0:29, Reply)

yelled at kelly osborne pre-rehab
Many beers and too many shots of jager made me yell something like "fugggin kelly osborne is a CUNT!" while she was standing behind me at my local watering hole.
I credit myself for sending her to rehab.
(C. U. N.ext T.uesday, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 0:26, Reply)

Geri Halliwell
At the beginning of the rise of the "Spice Phenomenon" it was a well known fact down my way that Geri Halliwell still went to a beauticuan's down Northwood High St near her home town of Watford.
So im walking down the highstreet, an 11/12 year old girl and I happen to spy the aforementioned knobber getting out of her car to obviously enter said beautician.
"Geri!" shouts I. She waves energeticly obviously thinking im some crazed fan.
I start running towards her shouting "Your crap!" and swearing blind at her.
She properly skarpers into the shop gathering up her coat and looking very worried and distressed because shes being berated by a kid!

I was very upset that wasnt in her autobiography.
(Rhan, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 0:20, Reply)

Oh, also while working
backstage in a theatre, I managed to knock Geoffrey from Rainbow flat on his arse as he was walking toward some two way doors and wasn't looking.

I also saw Sooty there in a wooden box before a show, told him to stop making crap telly programmes. Didn't even answer me, ignorant little, hand up the arse puppet!
( trev Is not interested in your fripperies, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 0:16, Reply)

I was once having an intimate moment
with my now ex girlfriend, some years ago when the phone rang. In the end I answered it as it was ringing for ages, not that pleased to be stopped mid fumble.

The man on the other end of the phone claimed to be Nicholas Parsons, I of course had most of my blood in a different organ to normal, so believed that it was my mate winding me up. So told clearly and succinctly "Yes Tommy, you are Nicholas Parsons, now fuck off" and swiftly hung up.

A few minutes later the phone rings again, it's him again, and it really was Nicholas Parsons, calling about a script that I had sent to a TV company that he was involved in. If you ever meet him, ask him what he's done since Sale of the Century.

He will do his f*cking nut! Never paid me though.....
( trev Is not interested in your fripperies, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 0:14, Reply)

Class effort
S Club 8, stupid miniscule teenybopppers came to our school for some promotion thinger. Needless to say, all 900 and something pupils were curious to see them, either to mock them or beg for an autograph. They came out, were whisked around by bodyguards, sneering at the few people who actually for some reason smiled at them. Anyway, after school, some mates of mine made sure to hurl abuse, and one of the bratty kids flipped 'em off. Not a great story, but we also skipped our art lesson to try and deface their posh cars. Didn't really work, Ahh well...next time >.<
(daemon_dolly, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 0:13, Reply)

I once met "Crusher"
(note the inverted commas there) who I believe was on the radio a bit and presented dodgy late night rock show Raw Power on ITV like 10 years ago.

I met him at the Camden Underworld and said "Hey, you're Crusher aren't you?" and a gleam of "I've been recognised" flashed across his sad old hairy face. He looked at me happily and said "Yeah that's me". As I was served my pint I said "Off Raw Power right?".

"Yeah"

"Wanker."

However, I'm not quite sure that he's much of a celebrity. Oh just ignore me.
( Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Wed 14 Apr 2004, 23:52, Reply)