I can only apologise for taking up half of a page in one go
I have insomnia you see. Anyway.

"Hello, I am a government inspector, may I please weigh your breasts?" Then grab them and go "Weeeeeeeyyyyyyyy!" whilst jiggling. In my view a quick way to either casualty or barlinnie prison, but apparently it has "worked" on numerous occasions.

Similarly, "I bet you a pound I can make your boobs move without touching them." Then a similar grab and jiggle move, followed by handing the young maiden in question a shiny pound coin as soon as she protests. Again, seems like a quick way to being put on some sort of register to me.

The most dangerous approach I ever witnessed was attempted by a young friend of a friend on a night out in newcastle. I was "gannin doon the toon" a few months back when I witnessed one of the folk in my company dipping his fingers in his drink and flicking at a..... generously proportioned young lady. Understandably annoyed, she enquired as to what said young gentleman was about.

"What tha' fuck yee deein, man?"

"Just keepin ya wet til greenpeace arrives, pet"

I lost a good half of my drink out my nostrils.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 4:44, 5 replies)

*click*
I'm in stitches at that but I'm not sure why.

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:29, closed)

A well proportioned friend of mine
was once on the receiving end of the Greenpeace line - and she came back with, "Haven't you heard ? - Fat birds try harder, but fuck me, even *I* would draw the line at pulling you !"
The bloke in question actually slunk, yes slunk, off to the jeering laughter of his mates. How we laughed.
(womanwhocanonlylivewithdogs, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 13:48, closed)

Excellent comeback
.
(McChinaman banned, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 14:43, closed)

Thank God she didn't say that!
That would have been the rest of my drink away as well :P
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 15:36, closed)

hehe
both quality lines!
(bottle_cap, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 20:18, closed)