Mr RT's Friend
Conned Virgin Out Of A Good Couple Of Grand.

Have THAT Richard Branson!
(rohypnol-theory No Accidents Since, Sun 21 Oct 2007, 0:19, 1 reply)

Just the usual
'Buy me a drink and I'll buy you one when we next go to the bar'.

Should have realised the barwoman wouldn't have bought me a drink.
( Methylene Blue - electrohead, Sat 20 Oct 2007, 23:44, 1 reply)

For better or for worse?
She got worse.

Happy side? I have to deal with the estate agents!
(Biff..., Sat 20 Oct 2007, 23:36, Reply)

This was for the insults qotw but......
you've got tits like footprints.
(Elmintrude has lumps of it round the back, Sat 20 Oct 2007, 22:33, Reply)

pRon not for your eyes
First time in a sex shop, perusing the novelty items and staying well clear of the "crucifix sex bench" (with free gimp mask mind!) the owner accosted my companion and i, with a white paper bag in his hands.

"Deal of the week" says he, handing us said paper bag, which appeared to contain two VHS tapes, labelled "fick engel."

Confused we asked of him what these were, his response was "variety tapes mate, bit of everything, but cant sell em no more cos i havent got the boxes, so there you go." Bojangles we thought, free porn!

home we went, and as the only owner of a vhs in the house off i went with the tapes. 3 minutes later there was a loud cry of MY EYES BLARG from my room.

Turns out the first tape was in fact brazillian lady boy porn. Whats on the second? Well let me set the scene. Two blokes, one reading a boating magazine. The other, rather amarously, reaches over and begins to feel the boating magazine mans leg....

We gave the tapes to our mate for his 21st birthday. Who knows where they are now.

The porno gypsy musta had a great laugh at our expense. Deal of the week I THINK NOT!
(Staffs Giraffe, Sat 20 Oct 2007, 19:41, 1 reply)

Picture the Scene.....
It's the centre of Cardiff, around Novemberish of last year, about 7 in the evening. I'm wandering through the rainy evening streets when I'm approached by a young lady carrying a clip-board.

Now I'm a gentleman (honest) so I offer her half of the dry area under my umbrella and let her talk to me about the plight of poor people losing their sight in Africa. We chatted, our eyes met, we smiled.

"Yes, of course I'll sign up for a direct debit.. What? You only need two more and you've finished for the day? Well, I'll sign my mother up as well using my savings account." What a nice Christmas present it will be...

Turns out she couldn't leave her team, so I headed off to a leading brand coffee shop for two take-outs while she filled in the paperwork in a doorway.

I returned, signed on the dotted line, let her use my mobile to call someone she'd signed up earlier for their bank details, left her my phone number (as one would) and departed.

It was only a couple of days later, when I got a text from the bloke she rang (asking about that drink they were going to have) that the penny dropped. Grr... Isn't there a name for girls who only cuddle up with you in the rain for money?

Yep, I'd been had...

However, a few months later I met my current girlie (who is lovely...) and had previously worked demanding charity money on the street. Only then did I learn that by cancelling the direct debits after less than 3 months, I've denied her any form of payment at all for my signature... The last laugh is mine....
(mellotron never could get the hang of Thursdays, Sat 20 Oct 2007, 19:05, Reply)

Uncle
My Uncle Bill used to let me play with his ferret. It had lost all its hair in an ironing accident, and occasionally threw up everywhere.

Then i found out he wasn't my uncle at all! What a con artist!
(pacman_40 Pocket Kleenex: for the wanker on the go, Sat 20 Oct 2007, 18:24, Reply)

I'm a con artist. I make art about cons.

(Uhmfhshhghd, Sat 20 Oct 2007, 18:14, 1 reply)

Er, nothing too extravagant
Just getting my boyfriend an extra £50 on a laptop he was selling on ebay, by bidding on it myself.


I stirred quite the bidding war.


It wasn't even that good a laptop.
( Kittenpants, Sat 20 Oct 2007, 17:16, Reply)

in the 1980s
I must have marched against apartheid at least 6 times.

Did I ever get my free Nelson Mandela?
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 20 Oct 2007, 16:47, Reply)

Gig Tickets
Was going to watch Mr Ozzy Osbourne live in London (*cums*) and so got bought the tickets, nearly £100....waiting, waiting, waiting...nothing. Logged onto the website and conveiniantly, the place that sold us our tickets had managed, over the space of 3 weeks, to go bust. leaving us with no tickets and no money back....fucking arse-bangers.

Went to watch him in Birmingham insted, there wa sa light at the end fo the tunnel.
(icely05 suggests killing the frosties kid, Sat 20 Oct 2007, 16:33, 2 replies)

Bracelets
I think this is a fairly common con amongst tourist hotspots in Europe; I've certainly seen it in at least 3 countries.

Anyway, in Rome this summer my friends and I were ascending the Spanish Steps when a friendly looking Brazilian man lassos my friend Fred's little finger with some red, green and white thread. Fred, sporting (and perhaps a little naive) as he is, goes along with this and attempts to make his excuses to leave in his very British manner, mumbling something along the lines of "That's really quite lovely of you, honestly, it's just that we've quite a lot on this afternoon. I hate to have to rush off like this..."

However, the Brazilian was clearly a boy scout in his youth and is hurriedly threading a friendship bracelet (still anchored to Fred's little finger). The rest of us stand around, openly laughing at this predicament. Fred, getting more agitated attempts to be assertive and tells his newfound friend that he really now is going. At this, a second Brazilian (this one resembling not a boy scout but rather a wrestler) melds out of the crowd as they begin to negotiate prices.

Thinking quickly, I pull out my camera and decide to take some scenic shots of the city and it's associated con artists. This gets the Brazilian chaps visibly worried and they seem to be stuck between wanting to push the camera out of my hands and squeezing their victim for every centine he has. Fred sees this, and decides to take the upper hand. Having previously been invoiced for 20 Euros he now offers a single Euro coin to his captors.

"C'mon", they say weakly "Be fair". "Oh, yes" says Fred "We must be FAIR about this" placing the coin in their hand before walking off.
(Simanenyee (killed to bits), Sat 20 Oct 2007, 16:21, Reply)

Bigfoot


They don't have anything bigger than a size twelve.
( Beve The Spaniard broke off his horse's head, Sat 20 Oct 2007, 15:49, Reply)

Taking women out for a date
and not getting any sex.
(billybobbean is still trying to make it QOTW's best of the week, Sat 20 Oct 2007, 14:08, 3 replies)

Remember when Fon gave away 1,000,000 wireless routers for free?
I sold mine for £30.

& I kept the stickers.
(billybobbean is still trying to make it QOTW's best of the week, Sat 20 Oct 2007, 14:07, Reply)

It's my best mate's
wedding today and I am the best man. I have flown across the Atlantic and am currently posting from DC whilst learning my speech (omgomgomg).

I have been conned because I'm a relatively good-looking Brit in the US, there is an incredibly attractive blonde girl who's been flirting with me throughout the rehearsal and not only is she married, but she's only been taken off the market for four crappy weeks. There's absolutely no way she's going to want to cheat. Rubbish.
( Kroney, Sat 20 Oct 2007, 13:47, 4 replies)

NHS
Pay rise in April 2007 of 2.5%. Stil waiting for it. Tight fisted CUNTS
(kitescreech still here, Sat 20 Oct 2007, 12:53, 3 replies)

conned
As a temporary contract employee I managed to fleece the BBC out of thousands by pretending to be two people and invoicing for the same work twice! Still had to pay my TV licence fee though! That is the biggest con of all!
(patnemsam am I a flid?, Sat 20 Oct 2007, 12:31, 1 reply)

Pr0n
Many moons ago, around Xmas time, Mrs. Kite had gone out with a few friends for a curry and beer. I'm at home on me tod. I have a few beers and whilst idly flicking up the TV Channels I come to the pr0n section. Now I dont know what it was (beer prolly) but I thought "Oh fuck it, lets subscribe and see what we get" - I was no stranger to pr0n anyway, Mrs. Kite being cool about these things. I phoned in me details and readied myself with sweaty palms for a night of fwapping ecstacy...

Well it was OK I guess, but man was it tame. I mean if your a bum man you're well away but anything "harder" (pun intended) and you'd be disappointed. I went back to watching Panorama.

A week or so later I got the promised vouchers for "£20 off bongo mags" - which was a booklet of 40 coupons worth 50p off "Fat and Fifty" or "Ancient and Asian" or some such. Landfill now.

So DONT subscribe to TV Pr0n its crap - buy the proper stuff. much better. Or use teh Interwebs - it's what it was invented for.
(kitescreech still here, Sat 20 Oct 2007, 12:22, 4 replies)

Boyfriends mate
is dyslexic and is also not that sharp anyway (brilliant drawer though but thats not the point) anyway, hes also a bit of a twat, which makes the following not so mean. Boyfriend goes up to him with a simple coin (may have got this trick off B3ta):
BF: Right, heads I win, tails you lose. Whoever wins buys the next round.
MATE: Ok.

He fell for it and then it took him 2 hours to figure out that he'd been conned.

There was a bit of Karma, a year or so later a chinese immigrant comes into the pub trying to sell copied DVDs, boyfriend buys one called 'School of hard knockers', gets home, ready with his new porn which turns out to be she-male porn.

Oh how I laughed!
(purplefairy, Sat 20 Oct 2007, 12:20, 4 replies)

Pittance
The Cheap-ass mcCheap tumbledryers at university that would take around six turns to get your clothes warm, nevermind dry, had no return coin slot.

Spending 1p per turn because of lazy design on machines that were supposed to only take 20p? Can't complain.
(pretzelthief, Sat 20 Oct 2007, 12:15, Reply)

Photoshop + thermal printer = free parking

( Mitsy, Sat 20 Oct 2007, 10:59, 2 replies)

more
and pokie machines accept photocopied $100 bills as real. When I used to work with them every pub in Australia got a letter from the Department of Racing and Gaming warning about it.
(loki lie smith kiss me til I'm in a coma, Sat 20 Oct 2007, 5:12, Reply)

not great but
The vending machines here in Oz used to accept 2 5c coins glued together as a $2, so you could get chips and 70c change from 10c.

And if you put straws up the change chute of a payphone, the coin drops all the way through.
(loki lie smith kiss me til I'm in a coma, Sat 20 Oct 2007, 5:11, Reply)

Passive Aggression
(unlurk)

Near where my folks live in Hertfordshire, there's a big open air market that runs every Saturday on the old unused airfield. Complete mixture of everything - meat, vegetables, computer games, bags, crappy tools, phone unlocking. Probably half or more of the stuff on sale conveniently 'fell off the back of a lorry'. But by far the biggest single set of retailers are the clothes retailers. Never the same stock each week, whatever they can flog goes out on the racks.

As it happened, my mother and sister were looking for some jeans. Since trying them on wasn't exactly going to be possible, they did the best they could by holding them up against my sister and visually comparing - no size labels inside. They bought the jeans and got multiple assurances from the kindly indian gentlemen running the stall that if they didn't fit, they could get a full refund.

Quick walk home, try them on and they're too small. Walk back to the stall... and mysteriously, the nice gentlemen have forgotten their promise! No refunds are given ever, why on earth would we have told you you'd get a refund? We'd never do that.

They ask to change them for a pair of a different size instead, not an unreasonable request. Again denied. And speaking to the market manager/supervisor does bugger all - they don't interfere with transactions.

Unfortunately, when it comes to money and bargains, my mother is more stubborn than a truckload of mules. And she has nothing better to do on a Saturday.

Picture a terribly British little middle aged middle class woman standing in front of a clothing stall telling every single person who goes in that if there's a problem there's no exchanges or refunds. Picture said woman telling every single customer exactly what happened to her. Picture a very angry set of stall owners trying to get her to move on, and her ever-so politely pointing out in a voice that Hyacinth Bucket would be proud of, that she's not on their stall and is on public property. In a very busy market, with lots of passers by and witnesses. Picture several little throwaway comments about the bad quality of the stitching and the likelihood that the colours will fade.

Now picture that, with the woman in question keeping this up for *two hours* solid. During that time, the stall made about five sales total, and the surrounding stallholders kept bursting into giggles at random points.

Eventually, the stallholders cracked, and shoved some money into her hand and told her in no uncertain terms never to patronise their stall again.

The crowning jewel in this little every so British protest was not the fact that she was mistakenly given £20 instead of the £10 she paid.

Nor was it the fact that she kept the jeans as well.

It was the fact that after shoving the money into her hand, the man turned round, and walked straight into one of the poles holding up the sign at the front with a very satisfying *CLONG*

It's surprising how effective making a scene can be. Not to mention how irritating a good bit of passive aggression is. Unsurprisingly, my mother views that day as one of her greatest triumphs. It's not often you get a triple whammy.

Apologies for length. I relurk now and return to the shadows.
(calamarain just invented dehydrated water, Sat 20 Oct 2007, 4:58, 8 replies)

I love conmen
When I was younger I used to do such things as changing the price tags on footballs to get the best ball for the price of the cheapest ball.

I still do stuff like that now, just not so blatantly. One of the things I do is when buying a suit, I will put the trousers over the blazers coat hanger so that it looks like it is a complete suit. I have done this several times and got away with it every time.

I love it when people try to con me. One that comes to mind is a young kid asking me for some change to get home. I asked him how old he was. He told me 16. I told him that as this is London, people his age get free travel. He scuttled off. He asked me the same thing two weeks later. He got the same answer.

In Wembley there used to be this guy who asked me every night for a pound for something to eat. One night I was queuing in the McDonalds in Wembley Park when he asked me the same question for the second time in the space of an hour. I asked him how could he possibly be hungry again after a gave him a pound for food not even an hour previously. He looked at me very suprised and left sharpish.
(Clivicus, Sat 20 Oct 2007, 2:17, Reply)

Single women only :)
A few years back I found myself sharing a three bedroom house in Sydney with a mate while backpacking down there. We needed to rent out the other rooms ASAP as we couldn't afford the rent alone.

Off we go to Backpackers meeting point and the local hostels to post a few signs. Over the coming week a steady stream of humourless germans, smushy couples and the like come through... As we didn't want to spend the summer listening to Kraftwerk or another couple shaggin, we said no.

Then I hit on what we later dubbed 'The idea of the century'.

Back we went to post a new ad, but this time it said : Single female required to share room with other single female.

Over the next week we got a steady stream of luverly ladies coming through our doors. When any of them asked who the other girls were we started by mumbling, then later were able to give the names of other applicants.

Not long after and we had selected the 'lucky' four, and even lied about the overall rent so that myself and my mate ended up living with the four hottest girls we could find, for free ! Score.

I came home the following year, but as far as I know the other guy is still down in Sydney with one of the girls... and she's STILL none the wiser.
(Poombah... click here to win a prize, Sat 20 Oct 2007, 0:44, 1 reply)

ladies underwear
It's a con having to pay £30+ for a piece of material that hold the boobies up. Bloody Bravissimo!
( hedge_diver, Fri 19 Oct 2007, 23:55, 5 replies)